Happy that I found you!

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For years I have suspected to have Aspergers, but always felt that it was yet another thing to mark myself different from society. As a queer non-binary multilingual and multicultural person, it seems that I thrive to be different and often get the remark of why I can't simply just conform to what many consider "normal". I don't fit anywhere, and I always blamed my international background and creativity. Everyday, every social encounter, is like a new beginning for me, socialising has become a game, in which I get very happy when the conversation ends well without awkwardness, and extremely stressed if it doesn't go as I expect or want it to go.

I am 20-plus, and still don't know exactly how a conversation should go. It is one of those things that I can't understand, and I feel I am better off using my time to learn astrophysics than trying to master social interactions. It seems that I simply can't change. An Aspergers diagnosis would then explain everything, that my brain is wired this way and there is basically nothing I can do about how I see the world - and that makes me happy because I have exhausted myself to try and do everything "right".

But I am afraid to get a diagnosis. I have GAD and am currently recovering from a major burnout. I feel like I will not be taken seriously (once a psychologist laughed at me when I told her of my OCD tendencies), just like I wasn't taken seriously about my burnout (cognitive difficulties, memory problems, attention problems, headaches, etc). It took me two years to finally get a diagnosis of a burnout and get help for the rehabilitation process. I am unable to finish my masters because of it, and PhD is a bit out of the question at the moment (also the life of a researcher is less about research and more about finding funds, so my interest in PhD got greatly diminished). I decided now to get a teaching degree so that I can teach science in high schools - I have a deep need to change the world, and this is a way to do it

I think I will allow myself live in this undiagnosed uncertain certainty for a little while, so that I can release myself from this expectation of how I should be or behave, and what is expected from an average person. It may make me less embarrassed about my tantrums when things do not go as planed or someone wants to change plans (as I prepare myself constantly for every possible outcome), my social relationships, my inability to understand if someone is teasing me or not, and the constant questions of what is expected of me and what people mean.

I am here because I have basically no friends. With my burnout I had to give up my studies and work, and focus on my health and getting my life back on track. People never stay when you are having a hard time. I am lonely and, apart from my wife, I don't have anyone to talk to, to share experiences with without being judged, and in this case, to feel like I belong somewhere with people who maybe perceive the world like I do. Hi!

I am sorry you had to experience that burn out, you sound like you have a lot of spirit and value from your introduction, I hope things progress for you and you find a lot of rewarding things around here that help you along your path!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hey Dulin welcome.

Welcome! We are happy to have you here too.

Welcome Dulin. Whether or not you choose to get an official diagnosis, the fact that your choices & bravery brought you here, means you are now on the Right Planet & are now among friends. Think of it this way