"Chicks dig confidence."

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The_Face_of_Boo
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25 Apr 2016, 4:05 am

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And confidence is not dependent on what others think is competence, but what YOU think is competence.

I don't understand this part.

Competence is the ability to do something successfully, and in most cases, your competence at something is determined either based on the evaluation of other people who have expertise in the related skill or the reactions/evaluations of those who are on the receiving end (ie. audience of your singing..etc).

One can live in a delusion of being very competent at something while he's actually not.

So it is enough what YOU think is competence, OTHERS and RESULTS will determine whether you are competent or not.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 25 Apr 2016, 5:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

rdos
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25 Apr 2016, 4:56 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Competence is the ability to do something successfully, and in most cases, your competence at something is determined either based on the evaluation of other people who have expertise of the related skill or the reactions/evaluations of those who are on the receiving end (ie. audience of your singing..etc).

Certainly, but the standards today are very high in many areas. In the past, there were local musicians that played at dances, and they didn't need the same competence as today's super-stars need. Still, the musicians of the past could claim competence even if they wouldn't be able to do so today (because of very high expectations).

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

One can live in a delusion of being very competent at something while he's actually not.

You could be competent at a small, special interest that almost nobody practise, and that has no standard for "competence". That would not be delusional.

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

So it is enough what YOU think is competence, OTHERS and RESULTS will determine whether you are competent or not.

The thing is, if you are a competent neuroscientist, you cannot show off that to a potential date. In fact, most competencies will not show off to random strangers, and about the only exceptions will be music and maybe acting. That's probably why evolution invented "confidence".

The_Face_of_Boo
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25 Apr 2016, 5:46 am

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Yes you can, if you tell her (not lying) that you are a recognized professor in neuroscience or a neuroscience researcher in some recognized research institution, making peer-reviewed researchers for instance or having a career in such applied sciences for instance..etc.

Sure you don't have to show her tables and formulas, but she can still tell whether you are something real in that field or a poser even if she's not specialized in such field.

For example if I am dating an Accountant woman and she tells me that she works as a Chief Accountant for 5 years and has a CPA degree then I would assume she is competent at it, even if I am not seeing her work and even if I don't have deep understanding in accounting. How can I know that? Because she wouldn't have lasted if she wasn't, she's being constantly evaluated by others, by her employer, by the her auditors, by the gov's auditors..etc.

That would be the case for most fields.

rdos
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25 Apr 2016, 6:42 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

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Now we are mixing-up NT and ND concepts. What you talk about above is the social status of being a neuroscientist, not confidence itself. If you follow the ND route of courtship, then you will never have the talk about your social status at all, so therefore in that context it doesn't matter if culture values your competence or not. In fact, it appears that ND relationship preferences of showing off competence have been hi-jacked by NT culture, and then a few NDs with extraordinary skills have gained very high social status. But in the original ND context, you don't compare competence with others. It's part of a show off procedure that naturally is nonverbal.

Personally, if a girl asked me about my social status, I'd regard that as breaking the rules, and I would not be likely to continue showing interest in her. I'd never bring that subject up myself either.

The_Face_of_Boo
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25 Apr 2016, 6:54 am

Ok you win, papa.

rdos
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25 Apr 2016, 7:03 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Ok you win, papa.

Nobody wins. You are perfectly correct about how it works with NTs. It's just that it doesn't work the same way in the natural ND courtship. Therefore, it is perfectly valid to be confident because you feel good about yourself and your achievements even if NT culture think you are worthless, provided you look for NDs and not NTs.

TheSpectrum
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25 Apr 2016, 10:05 am

kraftiekortie wrote:

One cannot "observe" forever. Something has to give.

That, and all advice may as well be moot if it is neither followed or backed by experience.

I don't know if being drawn to confidence always translates as being attracted to the person, though.
I at times demonstrate a leadership skills and confidence in my speech - it certainly makes women feel safe, and interested about what I'm saying but that doesn't mean they fancy me. I look like crap these days, and no amount of confidence will change it XD

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b9
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25 Apr 2016, 10:36 am

in my experience, girls like how calm i am.
i met a girl cashier at the supermarket today who was new, and she was rushing to do her job like she felt that people were impatient with her, and she looked downwardly the whole time like she was ashamed of herself.

when it was my turn at the counter, she started feverishly scanning my stuff and i noticed her breathing was exemplary of anxiety. she was hurrying so as not to make me impatient (or so she thought).

i said to her "shhhhhhhhh.....just calm down. i have lots of time."
she relaxed and started scanning my products in a less staggered manner, and i knew she liked me.

when i left i hoped she may remember our encounter to help her calm down in the future.

The_Joker
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26 Apr 2016, 8:02 am

Chicks dig money and lots of it.

If you're broke and don't got much going on they'll ignore you to no end.

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PennyFri
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26 Apr 2016, 9:07 am

The_Joker wrote:

Chicks dig money and lots of it.

If you're broke and don't got much going on they'll ignore you to no end.

Women attracted to men for money would make for shallow relationships anyway. Better off poor & in love!

The_Joker
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26 Apr 2016, 9:13 am

PennyFri wrote:

The_Joker wrote:

Chicks dig money and lots of it.

If you're broke and don't got much going on they'll ignore you to no end.

Women attracted to men for money would make for shallow relationships anyway. Better off poor & in love!

The magical unicorn woman that loves the man for who he is and not his money I've never encountered at all in my entire life.

When I was a younger man I looked all over for this elusive magical or mythical female creature that I've read about in fictional romance novels, literature, and cinema but alas I could never find.

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rdos
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26 Apr 2016, 9:23 am

The_Joker wrote:

The magical unicorn woman that loves the man for who he is and not his money I've never encountered at all in my entire life.

I'm married to one and I know a few others like that too. I think you probably searched for her in the wrong places.

sly279
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26 Apr 2016, 9:26 am

More like a tazmanain tiger. There's very few of them and when their gone they're gone

PennyFri
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26 Apr 2016, 9:31 am

The_Joker wrote:

PennyFri wrote:

The_Joker wrote:

Chicks dig money and lots of it.

If you're broke and don't got much going on they'll ignore you to no end.

Women attracted to men for money would make for shallow relationships anyway. Better off poor & in love!

The most meaningful relationship I ever had was with a man that was dirt poor. He lived in a tiny little cabin... On winter nights we had to stand in front of his oven because he couldn't afford heating. I have fonder memories of him than of any "wealthier" men. See? Not magical or mythical creatures after all - quite common!

rdos
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26 Apr 2016, 12:23 pm

sly279 wrote:

More like a tazmanain tiger. There's very few of them and when their gone they're gone

More like there are girls like that growing up all the time, so they never "go extinct" like the tiger might.

rdos
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26 Apr 2016, 12:26 pm

PennyFri wrote:

That's cool.. :heart:

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