Does your dating profile come across as autistic?

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Post your profile here or critique other people's. My profile is https://www.okcupid.com/profile/FruFruFru3. I know it's super barren, but I just got rid of a lot of unnecessary fluff. I think some of the stuff that was there before seemed too geeky/autistic.

There's just not much to the profile.

It doesn't reflect your intelligence.

What do you mean?

I get what he means. Maybe some of it comes across as appearing child like and girly and not really showing much insight.

Also it is kind of generic, anyone could have written this or something a pageant queen might say, or a hipster without ideas of their own. It tells you nothing much.

If that was truly your personality that is one thing. However it might not attract the kind of partner you are after.

I think you both need to reflect your personality, but also cater it to the type of partner you are after.

Sorry if that came across too harsh, but that is the impression I got. Kudos for liking spiders though. I think they are pretty cool too. If you named some species that would be cool. My favourate is portia jumping spider as it is super intellegent. I also like assassin, golden orb weaver, diving bell, goliath bird eater. maybe only mention one though.

You may partially already know this, but you do come across as what I can only call 'innocent'.

Allow me to show, not tell:

This comes across to me as the Manic Pixie Dream Girl stereotype - starry-eyed, playful, cheery, etc.

I'm not sure, but I recall that in the past you said you came across as childlike and 'cute' to others and did not like it as you found it condescending.

Well, this is the tone your profile may express to some people.

Reasons you might come across this way:

1. Very casual language.
2. Short sentences
3. Words such as 'cute', 'bunnies', etc.
4. Enthusiatic and positive attitude (not a bad thing, but that's the tone i'm getting).

e.g. Springtime!

My tips of advice depend on just how you want to come across to others.

The language and tone of wording makes all the difference. For instance, let's take two imaginary profiles:



This comes across to me as a social, extraverted, bright, cheery person, and this is just by text!

Meanwhile, this profile:



This comes across to me as a pretty relaxed, low-key, maybe even shy guy.

Now, I'm not sure how you want to come across, but if it's calm/relaxed but also intelligent, my advice is:

1. Use slightly formalized language, but don't overdo it. 'fairly' 'quite' 'dear' 'indeed' 'greatly' 'vastly', etc.

This isn't 'pretentious' or trying to sound 'smart', trying to sound smart is applying grammatically advanced dialect of over-complexity within an overly verbose and poorly structured manner to portray oneself as significantly beyond...

^That's pretentiousness/'trying to sound smart'.

Do be yourself though.

2. Avoid using 'powerful' language, e.g. love, awesome, amazing, etc.

You don't have to say 'super cool mega awesome amazing' when 'very great' would do.

3. Have a slightly apathetic tone to your profile, as if you are just jotting down random trails of thought than following some formula or paint-by-the-numbers method.

Another way of saying 'don't overthink it' - it's hard enough to get attention on dating profiles anyway.

Of course, you do want to make the best first impression you can, but what has overthinking a first impression when meeting others made you feel?

Typically, overthinking makes me nervous and hesitant, when the key is to be casual and relaxed.

Don't worry too much about spelling or grammar, but of course make your profile still clear and easy to understand.

The reason I can give advice for how to appear this way, is because it's what I'm aiming for in my profiles.

I don't think I'm very good at it though. Does anyone care to give me feedback on this profile?

http://www.mylol.com/profil_view.asp?uid=2379050

75% match.

Few of my suggested matches are that high. Makes one wonder if OkCs suggested matches are worth anything or not. I've even got suggested matches with close to zero match percentage.

I know you're not looking for a man--but if I were to see your profile, I would pass it up. I would think we have nothing in common.

Like I said, it does not reflect your intelligence. You're not bragging if you come across as being intelligent.

What's wrong with mentioning your interest in optometry?

Why don't you mention, in general, your ideas about fashion, about what sort of clothes you like.

Why don't mention things you like to do--like designing outfits?

Or that you like taking walks and observing different people.

And maybe even speak of your heritage....your Iberian heritage and your Amerindian heritage.

Actually I agree.

You may have just cut out a lot of 'fluff', but that current profile does not reveal a lot of details you've said on WP in past posts.

Are you sure your profile truly describes you truly and clearly?

Bear in mind I'm not sure yet how the OkCupid Q/A method works, so maybe a lot of the finer details of your personality have been revealed in your answers to the questions, I dunno.

I want to come across as a fun and extroverted person. Since okcupid is a social website I want to make myself seem like a social person. I also prefer to date someone who is fun and extroverted over someone who is introverted and "smart". The old version of my profile did sound "smart", but it attracted types I didn't like. Okcupid is a place to get dates with people you like, not show off how smart you are. I think I'd also show off how "smart" I am through actual accomplishments instead of being overly articulate.

Outrider, your profile is okay, but I think you should try to show and not tell.

could be written as


What makes you calm and laidback? Maybe you should elaborate on how you enjoy walking in the park or other hobbies that show that you're laidback and relaxed.

For your profile picture, your outfits are fine. I think the pictures would look way better if you could take them outdoors. Preferably somewhere you enjoy spending time or participating in your hobbies.

Well suit yourself. I'm not really sure it does that.

It comes across as wanting to be bit hipster, but in a really lacking any really substance or conviction kind of way, trying too hard not to care. Much more dippy, and girly.

Also I have to disagree with your assessment. If people are looking for a partner. Fun is one factor but not if it superficial. There has to be something of substance.

Ask you self this, reading you profile where are they going to go from there? What are they going to ask you? The only thing I got was spiders, as I have an interest in spiders. However I'm not sure if you said that to sound kooky or you are genuine. If I read the profile I wouldn't take it seriously.

Give them something to ask you about.

Are you trying to attract dippy, "OMG bunnies" type of people then some of the other stuff may detract.

Extroverted people by definition give stuff away about themselves. They volunteer it willingly. You aren't doing that, instead you are creating a kooky/cutesy mist.

Also your show don't tell advice applies to extroverts. They would put pictures of the social things they are doing, or at least provide credible stories.

If you are not an extrovert trying to be one will get your burnt.

I know I don't quite come across as an extrovert on my profile. I'm still trying to get into more extroverted looking hobbies. In the meantime I'm trying to not look like a super introverted nerd. I do actually like cute bunnies, cats and spiders. It's not like that part of my profile was pulled out of thin air. Right now I'm enjoying how cute and sweet my cat is. I don't really have an intellectual interest in spiders. I just think they're cute.

Well it there was a picture of you half way up a mountain, with sunglasses on an smiling, that might show that you are adventurous. Like you said show do tell.

Think of something social you would like to do an do it. Take a picture of it, with you in it.

However if you're are shy and geeky pretending you are not this is a tall order.

Maybe do something social with your cat.

Load of people like cute bunnies, but unless you are serious about them and want to look after them, then it is really just a thing you say in passing.

Maybe just be a honest, and say you are a bit girly and sucker cute things like bunnies.

If coming across as shy and geeky attracted people who are fun and adventurous I wouldn't mind showing off my shy and geeky side. Unfortunately that tends to attract people who are shy and geeky. Shy and geeky isn't my type at all. I'm trying to figure out how to come across as smart and artsy without coming across as shy and geeky. Any idea how to do that?

I also don't see the point of calling myself girly. I don't mind if I come across as girly, but I'm not trying to come across as girly either. It just isn't something that's important to me.

I don't think it works to trick people into you being extrovert when you haven't answered their questions like that. If you were truly extrovert and NT-like, then I wouldn't get a high match score, and I'm sure that people that are looking for extroverts will get low match scores on you. You will need to create a new account and answer their questions like somebody extrovert would, and then you will need to live with your decision to fake being extrovert if you find somebody.