Why should I date?

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if you don't want then why should you?

Outrider They'll never get it or admit to getting it. They have to keep to the propaganda.

Also I don't love on my own. I rent s house right mom and sister.

Making male friends is 200 times Harding then getting a GF.

I've been for a le single for 15 years, 6 of which has been spent hearing from women how horrible I am for not being middle class.

The thing is, some of us value friendships and relationships equally, in that both, or either, would do us some good.

I think many N.T.'s tend to focus on finding friendships first and prioritize them as it's harder for them to get into a relationship than find friends or meet new people.

But for some of us aspies, finding friends is equally as difficult, so we may as well focus on finding either or both rather than one at a time.

And, if you've been there, doesn't that mean your relationship is what, at least partially, helped you get out of your deep depression and isolated loneliness?

Because, while a relationship won't solve your problems, just like making a new friend won't, it is the start on a path to further happiness, and only when you start at the beginning can you reach the end.

To have a happy, fulfilling social life, one friend who you rarely/infrequently see is the beginning, and although they might not have much of an affect on your happiness at the start, it will lead to bigger and better things - a friend for life, meeting their friends means more friends for you, meeting their family who also treat you well, etc.

Just as a casual relationship leads to bigger and better things - more friends, meeting their family, marriage, kids?

Having just one friend or one relationship is the key to kickstarting your path to a social life, not learning to be happy alone - that's counter-productive.

But of course, one should only enter friendships and relationships they are happy with - though I've already good at that.

If you don't want to date, don't date. If people think that's not normal, that's their problem and not yours. You should never have to date unless you're ready.

If trying to date (and the attendant rejection) is making you miserable and exacerbating your depression, stop dating.

Of course, I don't disagree with most of what you're saying and think you are providing good advice.

I was just trying to point out that 'friends helped a lot' part.

For some people, that 'alot' can mean the difference between having a happy life and miserable depression.

Being 90% happy but still feeling unfulfilled, if strong friendships is the 10%, then it certainly helps.

I remember hearing something in high school from a mental health professional that stuck with me.

It was so simple, but so meaningful - he remembers a story of this one fellow, who use to go play basketball with these other people.

These other people weren't good friends or anything, just acquiantances of the street, but they welcomed him warmly.

The depressed man said it made all the difference in his life - just having a place to go each week where he actually felt welcomed and people actually said hello to him.

I heard of stories of this all the time in high school.

My English teacher told me the story of when he was living and working at a school in a very scummy mining town full of rich snobby parents and their uptight brat children.

He was teaching this one kid, from a poor background. He lived next door or across the street to the boy, and would hear the parents fight, yell, all the time - clearly an abusive household. The boy had no friends due to his aggressive and rude behavior.

The kid was an absolute rat to my teacher, but my teacher never yelled at the kid and always treated the kid properly.

The last day they would ever see each other, the kid made this strange gift out of materials. It was poorly built and close to breaking apart, but anyway, the kid gave it to my teacher, and simply said these words: "Mr. X, you were the only person to ever speak to me nicely." and walked away.

So, one person can make a difference to another's life - I can change someoe's life for the better, and someone else can do the same for me.

Rather than us both being miserably lonely and sad?

I said this in another thread and I'll say it again - I could be sharing happiness with another person, making someone just as happy as they make me, and opening them up to new ideas and experiences. I could be contributing to someone else's life for the better, but instead, I'm not. What a waste of potential, for me, and for many others.

What's self-independence if you can only use it to make yourself happy? Just my thoughts.

Not everyone must be forced to be an altruist, just tha t some of us actually enjoy it.

I've noticed whenever I feel exrtemely lonely, I actually think of ways I want to make someone else's life better, whether that be through volunteering, donation, or just trying to cheer someone up and comfort someone who's feeing down.

If I can't be happy, might as well help t make sure someone else could be.

A relationship or friendship is good because then the happiness is mutual - for once.

I use to think that was all that was needed. After all it's what adults tell us growing up, it's what the movies and tv says and books.

Anyone who can contribute love positively to a relationship, or more broadly, anyone who can contribute in a positive manner to the world, deserves the opportunity to do so.

Entitlement is, to me, believing you deserve everything handed to you on a platter - money, happiness, women, etc. without making the effort.

I consider it different if you work hard to be a good person and in decent health, and have a perfectly-abled body, brain and hands, and are willing to go through the effort to achieve success.

This means if you want a relationship, you're willing to search for the right person for you, and once you find them, willing to do all you can to make their life better in whatever little ways you can, and asking they do the same.

Alliekit: Thank you.

See, some of us just have so much love and kindness to give, and need an outlet for that energy. I might find something to donate to today, in fact, because my posts have made me feel like it.