Make up a really dumb quote/question

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naturalplastic
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01 Jul 2017, 7:30 am

Remember this!

"Celestial mechanics" are the kind who specialize in fixing only: Chevy Novas, Ford Galaxies, Mercuries, Ford Tauruses, Saturns, and Subarus ( Subaru means "Pleiades" in Japanese).

So never use a celestial mechanic for any other car models!



auntblabby
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03 Jul 2017, 5:31 am

flap is both a noun and a verb, and also an adjective and adverb.



lostonearth35
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04 Jul 2017, 8:47 pm

Today while on TV Trope's So Bad, It's Horrible I discovered a new example in their TV ads section. It's this commercial for Cottonelle toilet paper where kids are claiming that wiping their rear ends with the product makes them feel like "a tiny white kitten" and a "sparkling waterfall'. They're trying to be cute obviously, but instead it's stupid and slightly nauseating, especially the girl at the end who says it makes her feel "wike a shimmewing muhmaid". Blech! :eew:

Those quotes were real of course, but so dumb they couldn't possibly have been made up. I went to the link on YouTube and replied the ad made me feel like a shimmering mermaid... after swimming through raw sewage.



auntblabby
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05 Jul 2017, 12:34 am

why can't fourth of july be quiet?



b9
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05 Jul 2017, 2:12 am

how does one know that a tape measure that one plans to buy is accurate?
it has to be measured with another tape measure in order to verify it's correctness.
but how does one know whether the tape measure used to measure the tape measure you wish to buy is accurate?
it has to be measured with yet another independent tape measure to verify it's accuracy.

and the process goes on until one reaches a statistical level of likelihood that all tape measures used are incorrect even though they all agree with each other, is approaching a value that precludes paranoia.

then you wind up with too many tape measures and only one thing you want to measure.

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how does one know that every match in a matchbox full of matches one intends to buy will be viable?
one must test each one to see if it lights, and if they do, then when you buy it and take the box home, and they fail to work then, who do you complain to?

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how does one know that every egg in a carton of eggs has a yolk in it?

there are double yolkers and triple yolkers, but i am sure there is a small amount of eggs that are zero yolkers.

they should have a very strong egg inspecting light in supermarkets which one can hold every egg up to to make sure it has a yolk in it.
if they do not have a light like that, then the only answer is to crack them all to find out if you're being ripped off, and once the eggs broken, they are worthless.

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if i just want 4 slices of bread, then i must buy a minimum of 24 slices that are contained in a package of sliced bread.
so, if i rip that package open and extract 4 slices, and then attempt to negotiate their price at the checkout counter, i am sure that the checkout person would say "we can not sell single slices of bread"

"well then" , i would say, "can you sell a tampered with loaf of bread?"

she (yeah sexism whatever) may say, "no we can not sell that either".

i would say, "well the loaf of bread i got these 4 slices from is now tampered with, and so it is worthless, but i am prepared to ameliorate your loss by agreeing to pay the amount that 4 slices of that loaf are calculated to be"

yeah, probably easier to buy the whole loaf for $2.00 and put it in the freezer....but you know? it's the principle of the thing!



auntblabby
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05 Jul 2017, 2:23 am

why has nobody invented a silent firecracker?



lostonearth35
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05 Jul 2017, 3:48 pm

Why can't they change "Independence Day" to "In Depends Day", due people soiling themselves in fear about the present and future of the US so much that they need adult diapers?



naturalplastic
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05 Jul 2017, 3:59 pm

auntblabby wrote:
flap is both a noun and a verb, and also an adjective and adverb.


Adjective, and adverb?????

How?



naturalplastic
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05 Jul 2017, 4:03 pm

They make a big deal out of Chuck Yeager, and the breaking of the Sound Barrier.

But when are they ever going to break "the smell barrier"?
Moving faster than the rate that smell molecules diffuse through the air!

And what happens when they do achieve that?

Does breaking the smell barrier cause a stink boom!



auntblabby
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05 Jul 2017, 9:05 pm

palf is a word. so is volvap.



DancingCorpse
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12 Jul 2017, 12:29 am

Save the planet, pay twice as much for plastic bags at the supermarket and donate your second hand receipts to the nearest bird nest. All proceeds from the Double Blind campaign go to raising public awareness of the scavenging nature of obese birds.



auntblabby
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12 Jul 2017, 1:18 am

slib calbov erig zumph.



lostonearth35
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21 Jul 2017, 2:22 pm

"Mom, I went to the store to get the one dozen eggs you wanted, but all they had were cartons of 12 eggs."



auntblabby
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21 Jul 2017, 2:32 pm

I think it should be spelled "ookoolehlee."



KyleTheGhost
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21 Jul 2017, 2:40 pm

lostonearth35 wrote:
"Mom, I went to the store to get the one dozen eggs you wanted, but all they had were cartons of 12 eggs."


:lol:

How do I press the 'any' key?


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auntblabby
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21 Jul 2017, 2:57 pm

I think it oughta be pronounced as "kum-pyoo-turr."