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Crocodylus Porosus
Tufted Titmouse
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Joined: 3 Dec 2014
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Posts: 33
Location: Victoria, Australia

03 May 2016, 5:44 am

Yeah, the title pretty much says it all. I've tried, many times, to start relationships with girls. I've tried everything, from just getting to know them as friends for a while first, to straight up asking them out right then and there. Nothings ever worked. Even girls that complain on social media about no guys being interested in them turn me down. Its not like I'm physically repulsive. I'm fairly average looking and very muscular compared to my peers. I don't think its the "ni ce guys finish last" thing either. I'm not the passive overly friendly type. While I do have confidence issues around girls (never used to but constantly getting shot down had a role in that), I stand my ground against peers, and do assert physical dominance over guys who try and give me s**t. But at the same time I'm nice to people who are nice to me. Like this one girl I was talking to for a few months and I really thought I was starting to get somewhere for once in my life, I took her out to see a movie and everything. Then next thing I know she gets in a relationship with another guy. I have a steady job, and a Jeep, so finacially I'm a far better choice than most other teenage guys. Not really expecting any advice, I just wanted to get it out in writing.


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Outrider
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Joined: 15 Feb 2014
Age: 25
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Posts: 3,007
Location: Australia

06 May 2016, 4:15 am

I'm a LONG POSTER, sorry about that:

Even if most of your peers have managed to get into relationships at your age, I wouldn't worry you're 'missing-out' on everything. I think a lot of chronically single people tend to believe they're the 'only one' not finding relationship success. This isn't true, and plenty of N.T. teens are still single and have never had first kiss and such at age 17/18.

I think, the biggest problem with being single vs. a relationship, is it seems very determined by chance and not by actual attractiveness level. There's plenty of rude, unhealthy, selfish, greedy, mean, lazy, immature, overall terrible people who still manage to have many happy and successful relationships. Just as there's many fit, healthy, happy, confident, friendly, hardworking people who struggle to find love.

This one guy I went to high school with: Talented guitar player and singer, semi-celebrity status where I live as he performs at cafe's and busks all the time, has over 1,000 likes on his musician's page, etc. Good-looking to the girls. He was also Forever Alone.

It pisses me off too because like you, I work hard to be my best, but that's never what attracted the ladies. I've had two girlfriends, and at least 5, possibly 6 or 7, girls have had crushes on me.

They say 'You find love when you stop looking for it'. F*ck this advice into the ground. I'll admit, when i stopped looking, one girl developed a crush, but she moved away before anything developed (i liked her back), and I got my first gf this way. But my second? Nope, I was looking.

"Nothings ever worked..."

I have pursued about 35 different females just to get two girlfriends. They say dating is a 'number's game'. Hell yes it is. It doesn't seem bloody worth it sometimes.

"Even girls that complain on social media about no guys being interested in them turn me down." Yeah, that happened to me just once, but it hurt me a little.

"I'm fairly average looking and very muscular compared to my peers. I don't think its the "ni ce guys finish last" thing either. I'm not the passive overly friendly type."

Good.

"But at the same time I'm nice to people who are nice to me."

Same. I was aggressive in high school, but honest about who I was. What you see is what you get. Not a fake person who pretends to be nice and isn't. And I admit I'm not a 'nice guy'. I'm an anti-hero and it shows. Didn't end up keeping any friends after high school, even when I reached out to them. :( Millenials today can't handle a slightly aggressive, politically incorrect type.

"Then next thing I know she gets in a relationship with another guy."

Heck yes this happened to me. Girl who use to be bisexual was questioning if she was lesbian when I went on three dates with her, had to reject me. Eventually decides she is attracted to men again, but rejects me because she only sees me as a friend and wants to 'focus on her studies'. A week later falls for a male friend and starts dating him. They're still together today, 10 months later, and he proprosed to her back at school. Ridiculous. Takes them over 3 weeks for a first kiss, less than 3 months to get engaged?

"I have a steady job, and a Jeep, so finacially I'm a far better choice than most other teenage guys."

You remind me of myself a lot, OP. Ambitious, confident in themselves, generally 'a good catch' to the ladies but we still can't get any. Teen girls just don't know what they want, bro.

They are attracted to the malnourished skinny kids who post shirtless pics on facebook, but us guys who actually have some mass but maybe a bit of body-fat due to bulking are unattractive to them. They value 'swagyolo' boys over males who are fashion-smart and intelligent. And lazy gangsta rats who are just going to suck off centrelink as adults.



Tenek
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Joined: 29 Apr 2016
Age: 24
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07 May 2016, 5:43 am

I'v had similar experiences with girls but I found consolation in the fact that at this age the vast majority of relationships don't last and most teenagers are not very smart when it comes to life decisions. I'm fairly certain later in life you will have way more success than you have now with dating. But for now if you have no more luck grind it out knowing that later on it will get better.



MidnightLupin
Hummingbird
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Joined: 1 Feb 2016
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Posts: 22

12 May 2016, 11:06 am

I can't speak for all teenage girls (especially NT ones) but from what I've seen and read, a lot of them seem to want an exciting and adventurous relationship with a guy. They don't really want something boring. In time, that preference changes.

Even if relationships are successful in high school, people usually break up before college because it's easier in the long run.

Don't really change yourself in hope of attracting girls. They might be attracted initially, but you probably wouldn't be able to build a lasting relationship with one. You also wouldn't really be able to be yourself.

What I'm trying to say is that waiting isn't always bad. It feels terrible while you're doing it, especially seeing everyone else being happy around you but there are people out there (myself included) who never managed to have a relationship in high school but had more success outside of it.



Crocodylus Porosus
Tufted Titmouse
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Joined: 3 Dec 2014
Age: 24
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Posts: 33
Location: Victoria, Australia

08 Feb 2017, 7:50 pm

First up, sorry for the late replies guys, I haven't been on the forum for quite a while. But thanks for all the advice. It's appreciated. It's comforting to know that there are others out there who do understand. The last few months I have put my interest in pursuing a relationship on the back-burner so I can focus on my future career in the Army. That's where most of my energy is being spent at the moment. That and finishing off school. I've recently changed schools though (only been at the new one for a few day) and the girls at my new school seem a lot more approachable and friendly. Some have even struck up conversations with me, which doesn't often happen. So who knows, maybe 2017 is my year! Thanks for listening to my ramblings guys.


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Every book you've ever read is just a different combination of the same 26 letters. That literally made me rethink my entire life.