Aspies with good social skills

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I'm exactly the same way. When things are going smoothly, I appear mostly NT. When I'm stressed (or sometimes overly excited about something), then my ASD is a lot more obvious. Just today someone surprised me at working by asking for a task to be completed earlier than scheduled. I got flustered very quickly, although I did manage to collect myself without looking too frazzled (I hope).

I never understood that. There are no such thing as fake social skills.

Social skills are a learned behaviour.

There are inborn unwritten social skills such as standing arms distance, making eye contact, do you mean these? Because most autistic people are born without these inborn skills but can be taught.

I think if you had a normal social development you are likely not autistic.

I wonder about those who reach their limit in social skills. They may be fine when they are younger but then they reach a certain age and bam they start to have trouble because they have reached their social limit and social kills change as you get older. There are things that are acceptable for kids to do but not for adults and there are things that are more acceptable for younger children but not for older children. Like for example it's very normal to not hold a conversation or carry on a topic at four years old or five and it's very normal to talk about your favorite interests and that is all you do. So if a kid is doing that, they may go unnoticed until they are older and then their social deficits start to show because of what age they are at. So it may seem like that is when their symptoms started to appear so ASD may start to fit them.

I had a chat with my last group home counselor before I started to live independently. I talked with her about my social skills. She says, they are actually very good, even better than some NTs'. I can communicate and listen to other persons very well.

Teaching things to other persons is my thing (my father was a teacher and I may inherited some of his interests), also I like helping other people when they have problems. To a certain extent, I like to socialize with other people and like parties. In a good environment, examples are personnel parties, I may be very extravert. That is what I always wanted to be, actually.

My parents and my counselor told me, that I am close to not autistich, an NT.

I also feel I have better social skills than NTs because here's why. It's rude to ask if someone is pregnant but people do it anyway. It's rude to ask someone how much something cost when they have bought something but my dad does it anyway. He is not autistic nor anywhere on the spectrum but I feel mine are better than his. He will also walk into a store or restaurant and comment about how much cheaper something is elsewhere out loud or to a employee there. He actually did that at a expensive restaurant and my mom was so embarrassed and my dad was laughing and saying he was joking and he didn't get why my mom was so upset but the waitress who saw the look on my mom's face felt bad for her. Also the ignorance I see all the time on the internet, people seem to lack TOM because they are lacking empathy and seem to expect everyone to handle things like they can and that all their situations are the same as them and that they have the same limitations as them. Plus they don't even seem to try and get it because they can do is at least listen and hear their perspective but they won't do that like how my dad doesn't even try and have good social skills by learning to not ask this or that ever again. Don't do this in stores or restaurants or any businesses or yard sales about prices and how cheaper it is elsewhere and complaining about prices. Plus he still opens my mail and my husband's ugh, how hard is it to not open other peoples mail that doesn't have your name or your wife's name on it or that isn't a house bill no matter whose name is on it because we split the bills? I mean seesh, it baffles me how these simple social skills can't be followed. Same as learning about other peoples experience, it's called listening and hearing their side of the story.

Sometimes I think autistic people can have far better social skills than an average NT if they are following every social rule they have learned and also doing proper manners and etiquette they have learned.

I would say generally I have good social skills but when something goes wrong I tend to go on a bit ridiculous ha.

I have good understanding friends, family and even my boss at work is really good with me so overall I don't struggle too much.

It's all about meeting and associating with good people for me. Maybe I was lucky eventually but growing up I struggled as a lot of people didn't understand but once I met my two best friends who truly accepted my for me everything else just clicked into place from then onwards.

Met my partner 3 and a half years ago and she got me a job at her place and eased me in by explaning to people about my aspergers.

Now have my own place, I'm engaged, due to start a much better paid position at my current place of work next month and am close to passing my driving test (failed my first test today due to anxiety and poor clutch control but I refuse to give up!)

My advice to anyone feeling down or worthless due to their aspergers is to be open about it and never give up on anything! It's gave me everything I have my perseverance to be 'normal' and I'm proud of how far I've came!

Interesting; that made me think of several things. Since (most) social skills are learned then it's possible there are individuals who may not have the same exposure or experiences as other children, resulting in ASD-like characteristics. I also wonder what other variables come into play.

One of the most highly valued traits in the workplace is the ability to communicate effectively. During a meeting I asked what skills were valued most, and immediately they brought up the declining communication skills. There are new employees who can't even string together a simple sentence or communicate an idea effectively. And surprise surprise, that's the general consensus.

It makes me wonder...if normal people aren't acquiring effective communication skills by the time they leave school, how are people with autism impacted? Are they completely and utterly screwed screwed?

I think it would be in the best interest of not just autistics, but also the general population if schools actually started teaching English. I'm curious to know what impact teaching basic psychology might have. However, I can see the potential for misuse of that knowledge, but it could also foster growth and development.



The ability to actually sit and listen is extraordinarily powerful. Everybody loves talking about the same thing: themself (a bit of a generalization & pessimistic view, I know)

Few are fully aware that others live complex and detailed lives, just like their own. Words and body language is a window into those intricate lives. Every interaction is an opportunity to learn and improve your understanding, even general chit-chat that many claim is pointless and boring. In my opinion, that's why the ability to listen and dig deeper is an extremely powerful skills.

Body language is exactly as it says. It's a language. You hear about people with autism learning 2-3 languages before they are 17, and it makes me wonder what might be possible if the resources were provided. There are many great books on communication, body language, social skills, psychology, and so much more.


Someone I used to live near did the same thing to their family. Ironically, if someone opened his mail then he absolutely lost it. Especially when the more 'personal' items of his were being sent.

There are large YouTube channels dedicated to unboxing items and opening mail. People generally love opening and unboxing items, so there's a small degree of positive emotion derived from opening mail or packages. Actually, that's an interesting idea. Get him to subscribe to unboxing/mail channels on Youtube and after a few weeks see if it reduces how often he opens your mail.

That could be the reason why autism has increased over the years. There is even a source online somewhere about kids still drinking out of sippy cups in kindergarten and not knowing how to hold a pencil and these were normal kids.I also wonder if the autism increase also includes academic diagnoses.






My dad also loses our mail, it's so frustrating and he keeps touching it after I keep it in a safe spot. Ugh. One time I thought my daughter's Social Security card didn't come so I went to the office to have it re sent out and it never came again and then one day my dad had it in his hand saying he had the card and I asked him where he found it and when it came and he said "Oh I've had it for a while, I just kept it safe for you guys." I was pissed.

I am the same. There are times when it is easy to fake social skills. But, they tend to be superficial and I do not make long lasting relationships. Good social skills require an ability to understand the internal monologue of another person. To see with their eyes and feel their emotions. Actors and authors have that talent. For me, I just watch in awe and try not to put my foot in my mouth.