Lesbian/Bi Women: Is it difficult to date women?

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I'm bisexual, but I have never had sex with a woman or been romantically involved with one. I'm somewhat reserved about sex and relationships in general and I normally find concepts like romance to be hokey and embarrassing. That isn't to say I'm against romance or that I have never felt deep emotional bonds with others. I'm pretty open to the idea of hooking up and possibly get into a relationship (though I'm not looking) but I feel like I shut down when it comes to flirting with women.

I sometimes feel like women can be more emotionally complex than men. That's not a bad thing, but most of my female friends are very emotional and there are many nuances to their feelings and how they communicate (a mine field for aspies). My female friends are much more critical of my social ineptitude than my male friends are and that kind of worries me because I don't know if I can live up to a woman's standard if I were to be her partner. I mean, there's no guarantee I could live up to a man's standard in a relationship, but I feel like a guy will be more chill about my social and emotional f**k ups than a girl would.

I really don't want to generalise all women or all men. Everyone is different and we don't always fit so neatly into stereotypes. I just feel fairly incompetent with people of my own gender. I guess a part of me is more afraid of rejection or judgment from women than men.

Obviously, homophobia is another worry as well but I don't feel like my sexuality is anything to be ashamed of so I wouldn't try to hide it because of bigots.

Does anyone else get what I mean? Or am I just being sexist?

I wish I could find a woman to date also but it's hard even though I am a genderfluid bi if that makes sense.

It's hard for me to date women because people aren't open about it where I am. I have only met a few women who liked women, and in all cases, if they liked me it was too subtle for me to notice. It seems like generally women's flirting is even more subtle than men's flirting. Either way it goes over my head.

Yeah, same here. I sometimes overhear my female friends talking about guys or girls they like and it sounds like they are planning some kind of military operation. It immediately makes me feel anxious because I feel like if I try to flirt with a woman she'll be analysing everything I say and do. At least most guys I know are socially oblivious, like me.

Females on average tend to be more socially competent and also communicate more indirectly. I believe this is a product of nurture and don't mean to make generalisations here about males and females. But these are some of the reasons why dating women can be challenging for non-NT same sex attracted females.

In my experience, it is more difficult dating women as a non-NT same sex attracted female than it is dating men. In many cultures there is far more pressure on men than on women to pursue the objects of their interest and then initiate/organise dates. Thus interested males are more likely to approach females and make everything happen, and the females can "pick and chose" to some extent between potential suitors. This is one reason I believe that many bisexual females end up with male partners. If you don't approach, and more men than women approach you, that increases your odds of ending up in a relationship with a male. In this sense dating males is much easier, particularly if you're shy (which I am).

Most of the time women will not approach you. Sorry. In my experience there are a number of reasons for this:

1. They may assume you are heterosexual and will not approach you for fear of making you uncomfortable

2. Some lesbians do not like bisexual women for their own ridiculous, insecure and messed up reasons. I've been "advised" by lesbians (who assumed I was a lesbian due to the social context) to specifically avoid bisexual women! (Awkward)

3. Many bisexual women aren't used to approaching women they're interested in even if they know the object of their interest is same sex attracted. Sometimes even if they know the attraction is mutual! They're not used to approaching and don't know how (and they're probably hoping you'll initiate contact because they're shy and don't know what to do). I've done this dance of waiting for the other to initiate while she's waiting for me to do the same so many times, and it does not usually lead to intimacy, sex or a relationship. Sadly.

For aspies this is even harder. Same sex attracted females often leave subtle clues and hints we will most likely miss, therefore interested females may quickly conclude that we are not interested and move on before we even realise what's happened.

Same-sex attracted women need some helpful, non-misogynistic form of PUA in my opinion to help us learn better ways of finding and approaching one another. PUA, despite its many problems, has helped many heterosexual men improve their social skills and gain greater confidence in talking to women. Maybe it's just the circles I've found myself in, but in all of them, the majority of same sex attracted females, myself included, suck at dating. We need to learn how to approach one another and initiate contact.

If you possibly can, I recommend learning how to approach women you're interested in, because in my experience they're far less likely to approach you. Approaching first will greatly increase your odds of achieving connection and intimacy. Rejection is a scary prospect, but then it gives us some insights into the frustrations males experience with dating

You can always not approach women and wait for them to approach you - you may get lucky - but that hasn't ever worked for me. In 28 years of life I've only ever been directly approached by 2 women! In contrast, I've been approached by so many men I've lost count. As luck would have it, I'm also more same sex than opposite sex attracted...

I wish I could be more helpful! I don't know an easier way - I am working on this myself. Best of luck xx

It's super hard for me. I can spot a guy that likes me from a mile away, but I'm totally clueless about girls.