I feel like a failure - I can't even manage a simple routine

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I'm unemployed and I have depression and am currently in the process of an ADHD assessment (I'm in the UK so that's covered by the NHS). Obviously you know about the ASD as well.

In order to make a dent in dealing with my unemployment and depression I need a routine. I was told to start by going to bed and waking up at a specific time every day but my chronic issues with sleep have thus far stopped me from doing so despite my doctor's recommendations. I try to stick to a basic routine that includes light exercise, job search, housework and focussing on developing my skills. The problem is that I just can't find that productivity sweet spot and no matter how simple or how structured my day is, I just can't conform to a routine. Even though I make sure I have down time in my day, I just can't limit my time for any activity. I either work too long on something or totally leave it half done. I just feel like I'm trudging through a marshland without making any real progress.

The worst part is that I don't even have the attention span to complete stuff properly and I'm very easily frustrated and discouraged. I just feel like a failure because other mentally ill people are able to stick to routines. My bipolar friend (who has bipolar type 1) sticks to a strict routine because she knows that if she doesn't then she'll get worse. The fact that she is able to work through her symptoms like that, I feel, shows that she has an immense level of self discipline that I can never hope to match.

I have tried every productivity and habit making trick; habit trackers, lists, timetables, the pomodoro technique, mindfulness, binaural beats (or white noise to avoid racing thoughts), breathing techniques, alarms, time saving apps, etc. Nothing ever sticks and I just feel so powerless. I mean, if I can't even structure my own life then how the hell can I expect to keep a job?

I am just sick of trying and not seeing results. I guess that means I lack tenacity, too.

I do the same thing. I deal with it by making a less strict schedule. Instead of scheduling things by the hour, I say to myself that I have to get a few things done per day. It can be any part of the day, as long as I get it done before I go to bed. Sometimes I'll tell myself that it has to be done within the next few days.

Basically I allow myself to do what I want until I feel ready to do what is on the schedule. This takes away the pressure of having something to do and not wanting to do it.

Also, I have found that if I remind myself that some things are not so important, that I don't have to do them, that also takes away the pressure and makes it easier to do them. For example, the world won't end if I don't sweep the floor. So I relax, go to bed, and it's easier to sweep the next morning.

It's something I should try to do more often. I think that sometimes I put so much pressure on myself to do things a certain way that I actively try to avoid it rather than give myself the space to not be perfect.

Hi, MindBlind. I have a few mental disorders, including depression, anxiety and OCD. I have been told I have Avoidant Personality Disorder. I think I may be on the spectrum.
My boyfriend told me to read this thread because he thought I would relate to your struggle. He was right. I also feel like a failure, I pretty much believe that every day. Especially when I'm trying to make progress with my life. I have tried making schedules and not been able to stick to them, even though I know that I would fare better in life if I could. I wonder how I can make it to appointments but not be able to keep housework dates with myself. I have a few different habit tracking apps on my tablet, some books on forming and keeping habits, and now I even have a board with colorful habits stuck all over it, just so that I'll form a schedule for a day. It only works one day out of a month or less. I get so frustrated, I give up completely for a while. My counselor suggested the week before last that I change my sleep schedule to going to bed one hour earlier. I tried to explain to her that when I go to bed is determined by when I eat, which is determined by what I am doing in the time leading up to eating, which is determined by how I feel at that particular time. She said I could make it all work together to get to sleep an hour earlier. I said no. She then acted like I was being stubborn and told me I would continue to feel tired during the day, as though it is MY fault I can't do things according to a set routine. I felt extremely misunderstood and depressed. I haven't found anyone to really share this struggle with or why it is so difficult for me. I have looked into executive dysfunction before, but that was a while back and I can't remember why it seemed so important, so I think I'm going to do some research on that again.

I don't feel as though I'll ever be able to handle a job because of the way my days go, which is according to my moods or how my body feels. If I don't feel up to something, I won't do it. If I put something off till later, I may not even remember what it was I am supposed to be doing. I consider these traits to be the markings of a failure, at least in this society that expects people to be more capable. I find it helpful to read stories of people who used their abilities and said ^&*%$ to what the world expected them to be able to do. I want to be able to let go of the need to be like other people, as long as I still want to be somewhat normal, I look at myself as a big worthless lazy ugly parasite. That isn't healthy, I know.

I am sick of this trying, too. Maybe we are trying to force ourselves into a mold that just isn't for us. Maybe our talents don't reside in schedules or routines. Maybe they are fluid, we are more like rivers. Perhaps our talents lie elsewhere. Otherwise, why would pressure paralyze us? Why do we continue to listen to a different drummer than our neighbors or friends or family? I don't want to be a failure. I don't want to lack discipline or tenacity. I don't choose to, it's just the way I am.

If you have any skills that can be done remotely (web/graphic/engineering design, software development, writing, editing, translating, etc.), try freelance work if you haven't already.

I can't hold a regular job for several reasons, including being exhausted and depressed by having to be at a specific place at a specific time every day. I am a freelance editor and work from home. I work when I want to and take breaks when I want to. It's great but it can be tough to earn enough money.

How do you find the individual projects?
Do ppl come to you?
Do you advertise?
I've always wondered how freelancers locate the work itself.

I use freelancing websites that take a small percentage of my pay to help connect me with clients: Upwork, Guru, Freelancer, People as A Service, for example. Clients post jobs on the website and freelancers apply to them. Some people become well-known through these websites and then begin to get job offers through social networking sites like LinkedIn.

In the writing fields there are some companies that hire freelancers directly through their company websites. You just log on whenever you want, pick the work you want, and upload it by the deadline.

Some professional organizations charge a yearly fee to keep freelancers' information in a database and allow clients to search the database to hire people.

Some freelancers have a business website that clients can use to contact them.

Some freelancers used to be employees, then got their employers to agree to switch to a freelance arrangement.

There's also craigslist.com. Some people compile lists of companies seeking someone for short-term projects and e-mail the list out to subscribers.

So you make a routine and then you end up not sticking to it because you spend too much time on one task. There is nothing wrong with that, you can spend most your time doing a few things. Change your goal from "following a routine 100%" to "doing stuff through out the day"

Thanks for your well articulated reply.

You said "You just log on whenever you want, pick the work you want, and upload it by the deadline.

How do they avoid 2 or more ppl doing the same task?...if 2 or more ppl did the work the payer would only be willing to pay one of them.

There is something wrong with it if you are unable to commit to a project or important goal because you spent too long doing something else (something that shouldn't have taken that long to do).

I know that I need to make incremental changes to my life rather than forcing myself to follow a schedule 100% of the time, but it is really frustrating that I struggle to commit to a very basic change like waking up at a reasonable time every day or just having a 10 minute walk every day. It's frustrating to constantly be back in square one because even a simple lifestyle change was too hard for you.