Is it unfair of me to ask my gf for a prenup in this case?

Post Reply New Topic

From what I remember she asked him, not him asking her. That's not accepting an invite. She asked iron to take her and he said no so she asked the friend to instead.

i don't think that's the situation, sly.

I thought it said the friend asked ironpony and his girlfriend if they wanted to go to a movie, ironpony declined due to being tired and having already seen a movie that day, and his girlfriend took up the offer and mentioned she didn't have money for a movie ticket, friend offered to get hers(probably would have offered to get his had he said the same) so she accepted.

Where are you guys getting that she asked ironpony to take her to a movie and he wouldn't so that is why she went to see the movie with their friend? I got that her and Ironpony saw a movie, the friend called and asked if they wanted to see another movie...he refused and she accepted.



where is the part where Ironpony said no I will not take you to a movie? and where is the part where the girlfriend called up the friend and said 'my boyfriend wont take me to a movie, will you take me instead'. To me it sounds like they were both invited and one of them chose to decline.

and she asked ironpony's permission and he said "yes."

I'll break this down by events.

Not mentioning you were going to talk to a lawyer -- 3/10. Not a big deal, but she has a right to be miffed.
Threatening you with no children and no sex -- 7/10. Red Flag! But probably just said in the heat of the moment.
Not going to her birthday -- 6/10. This would be uncool. Go to her birthday party.
Claiming you have no balls -- 6/10. This is also uncool. She seems to say a lot of crap when she gets angry.
Going to the movies with your friend -- 0/10. Doesn't matter. Friends can go to the movies together.

If you can safely postpone the marriage then you may want to consider doing so, because the way she is acting and the way you are posting here suggests that some problems need to be worked out first. But don't give up on her. She seems to say some hurtful things in the heat of the moment, and needs to work on her anger management. When things have cooled down, you should make a strong effort to talk to her calmly about expectations and finances for the future. I would definitely stick to your guns about the prenuptial agreement, because that is the responsible and intelligent thing to do.

If she's that upset over not having your money then perhaps her motivations are more financial than for love.. if it were simply about love for her, then whether she had access to your wealth or not should be irrelevant. I'd let her leave if she wants to and then move on with your life with someone who's more interested in you than in your money.

Well if people are going to be together it makes sense they'd pool resources together at least to an extent. I mean are there couples where whenever they go out they pay separately to the extent they'll simply go out alone and leave their S.O at home if they don't have money for it. Or purchase separate groceries and would let the other one go hungry if they run out of groceries and grocery money?

Obviously someones resources shouldn't be why you get with someone, but seems like a relationship where no sharing occurs wouldn't be a very loving one, it stands to reason most people imagine if they're in a LTR they and their S.O will be sharing resources and living together as they're supposed to care about each other and take care of each other and all that.

Ya, sure, that's why when people split it's often that the assets acquired during their marriage are split and what they brought into the relationship prior to marriage they keep for themselves. I never said anything about never pooling resources or sharing. I just see the OP's point of bringing $200k vs. $50 to the table & his logic in wanting to protect his assets. I also don't see the logic of the woman insisting she have access to his money if it's him that she loves and not his money.. seems like she's in it for his money, not his companionship. If it were about love and not money she wouldn't have such an issue with it.

Also I just don't see anywhere the O.P said having access to his money is what she wants, if that is what it's about than the O.P probably does deserve better. I don't suggest people share bank accounts to where the other party can just spend as much of their money as they want but I thought the issue she was mad about him consulting a lawyer before talking to her about it.

Even if her issue was with him consulting a lawyer.. rather silly. She should put herself in his shoes.. you know, earn and save $200,000.00 and then see if she might want to see what her options are in terms of protecting it.

"After the movie, my best friend sent us both a text, asking us to see a movie. I told him that I just came from a movie and I was tired and didn't feel like seeing anther one. She called him back saying she will go but she has no money. So my friend offered to pay for her, and she went with him instead, and I went home."

Am I missing something? Where does it say she asked permission?

You know what I think is the problem is that this is an etiquette issue in NT Land. I told my Ma about this situation and she also agreed it was wrong. In NT Land, her going out with her fiance 's best friend to a movie would have been seen by many NT women and some men as a "date" especially since the guy paid for it. I'll tell you this, if I had a fiance and he went to the movies with my BFF instead of going home with me - it's over. See, a couple are supposed to be in it together. If my Hunny doesn't have money or doesn't feel like doing something then I am in the same boat. The only way I would have seen the situation as ok is if she went to the movies with a girlfriend of hers and that would be AFTER making sure that her fiance didn't want to spend time with her. For me, my Hunny would come first then my BFF because my first real BFF should be my Hunny - I would only see my Hunny's BFF if we all went out as a group. A lot of the women here are probably going to think I'm strange, but that's how I see things. Once you get engaged, your soon-to-be-husband comes first.

As long as they don't screw around, I don't see anything wrong with my "hunny" going to movies with other guys.

It's good for the relationship to have (Platonic) relationships outside the main relationship.

Couples who spend 100% of the time together tend to lose perspective on things. They tend to get into little petty arguments. It's just not a good situation.

You're Aspie, Mr. K. It's not like ironpony was sick and couldn't go - he went home alone. That is just not right and if you can't see that it could also be that we have different morals.

One thing I want to say to Aspies that was discussed over at AC is this - you let NT women get their emotional needs taken care of somewhere else and you could lose her to that "somewhere else".

There was this Aspie guy who didn't see any problems spending time with his and his wife's next door neighbor lady. He didn't know it, but his wife got jealous and it almost cost him his marriage. He didn't know that his neighbor was getting "feelings" for him and get this - once he found out he almost acted on those feelings by wanting to spend more time with the neighbor. He was conflicted with why he shouldn't spend more time with his neighbor. I had to explain that it's NT etiquette that once you get married you don't spend time with the opposite sex unless your spouse is with you. That's why I say your fiance/spouse comes first.

Sure, it might be an NT etiquette issue, but then if people are not with an NT, they can just ignore it.

I also don't believe in this "partner comes first thing". For me, a partner is similar to a good friend, and if they aren't being reasonable, then I'll tell them what I think rather than agree or try to merge our views. Now that I have grown-up children, I'll occasionally side with them instead of wife when I find their opinion more reasonable. I've done this when they were minors too. In fact, I don't feel I need to merge my views with anybody, and I don't think wife needs to think and like the same things as I do either. We are two different persons with different beliefs and interests.

Ironpony, are you ok?

Ain't nothing wrong with my morals, thank you.

If you don't know me, why would you question my morals?

I'm not perfect--but I believe I'm morally upright (despite my having liberal tendencies LOL).

There's no cheating in what I'm saying. Remember the operative words "As long as they don't screw around."

I, myself, don't like to feel stifled. I like to experience people. I like my woman to experience people, too.

We're not having orgies all the time. All we're doing is experiencing the world.

The operative word is "trust."