thinking of suicide

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So here I am in the love and dating part of the forum thinking of... thats right suicide. At this point in my life ,being 29 I would have everything in order. A family ,career and a home. Nope I live single in a ghetto apartment where people will literally steal your food from the delivery guy. Never pay with a card over the phone again. used to be with a ex but she screwed me out of the lease and by calling her family to pick her up because of a meltdown. She did not tell me she was in debt before she moved in and caused me to go under. The worst thing about it is she told me she was sterile due to health problems and is now pregnant which while I talked to her in the hospital, because I was admitted from completlely losing myself the next day at school. Pretty much stabed my leg with a pencil to get a hold of myself. Yeah she said she would not put me on the birth certificate and me me feel like garbage. After being treated like garbage in the army a terrible backstabbing divorce then this I dont know how much I can take. I just found out I had adbergers in the army diagnosed then medically discharged. I told her in the beginning I get like this if my life seems to get over stressed and she said it was fine. I just dont trust anyone anymore either. I am pretty easy to manipulate if somebody gets close and earns trust. I feel I can be normal but at the same time I feel I have emotions and feelings I cant at times making me feel ret*d. And what other women without problems would even except me. Its almost I have to date one of me to deal with me pr something. That actually might be the worst idea ever but I have tried everything else

Have you talked to someone about this? I hope things get better.

How recent was your diagnosis? How much of a factor is that for you at the moment?

Thank you for sharing with us, I know it isn't easy, and it's good that you made that leap. Stay in touch and I hope you find some new strength out of your participation here. For now, do you have any trusted person to talk to who can listen thoughtfully without judging? If not, can you find one, a counsellor somewhere perhaps? Sometimes ending the isolation of being with painful feelings eases them to a point that new energy arrives, being alone with that kind of despair tends to intensify it.

Please stay in touch here meantime.

My diagnoses was found in the army in 2014 from a meltdown with my ex wife not going fishing with me lol. Makes me laugh now when I think about it ,but that women never wanted to do a thing with me. But fishing is one of those things that calm me down and I was in the field for 3 weeks straight often up 24 hours so I was extra excited when she agreed. I meltdown over the stupidest things ever. Anywho yes I have seen many councilors. I am currently seeing one at the veterans center at st paul. I mean I got straight up cuffed to a gurnee in a ambulance at school and restrained so yeah I do have follow ups. Was cooperative just procedures. Infact I was meeting with a councillor that day and I told her to throw me away I was so out of it. They could of drove me but nope I was public humiliated by cops who are known to over do it around there so I haf cuff marks for 2 days. Yeah not fun. Hey do meds work for Asperger's. I wonder that ,because everything I took made me feel like garbage.

It sounds like a rough time, but don't off yourself...I have been suicidal myself and as much as it seems like it will never end you can get past it. I mean just give yourself a chance to experience more maybe try and change some things in your life. I know it harder than it sounds but I have been living a s**t life in a lot of ways myself and at the same time there are things to appreciate and enjoy so I make efforts to keep living. I know too well how overwhelming things can get and it sounds like you need some form of rest, not death. Also never feel guilty about feeling this way, when people are suicidal its usually because they have more stress than they can cope with so don't fault yourself too hard.

Really though if you actually have intentions of suicide I recommend going to the hospital its not the best thing but it prevents you killing yourself to rethink it and they might be able to hook you up with mental health treatment when you leave. I have done that before and as I say its not the best but it can prevent you harming yourself till you can think it through better instead of doing something you regret on the spur of the moment.

Hey there,

It sounds like you're going through a really tough time right now and feeling really alone, stressed out and confused. I'm really sorry to hear that. I have had problems with aggression and depression in the past and after a recent Aspergers diagnosis, now feel like I understand why. We definitely need to get recharge and de-stress time, and maybe a lot of these meltdowns and feeling desperate are an indication of just how exhausted you are. Hold on, keep going, this time that you are going through, I honestly believe it's temporary. That's good that you are getting support from somebody, and that you're reaching out to people on line, maybe support lines could help, or maybe there's even a support group near you? I find exercise really helpful to let off some steam, if you like fishing, maybe nature activities could be good for you? It sounds like you've gone through so many changes and so many difficult scenarios these past few years... it will take time to learn how to deal with all this. Try to keep doing those things that remind you of happiness and look after yourself while you find a way through.

About your commend about needing to find someone with Aspergers.... there are a lot of people out there who are very similar in lifestyles even if they don't have it. My boyfriend is an introvert but has a lot of Aspergers qualities and we get on really well! My best friend is also a total introvert, actually they're both Cancers, maybe you could go looking for Cancerians but yeah, she understands me so well. There are a lot of good people out there who will understand you, you just have to find them. Stay strong, hold on, I honestly believe it will get better.

Hi Scout02, Thanks for letting us know how you are feeling, sorry to hear you are at such a low point. For me, life has been like a roller coaster, lots of ups and downs. Having just one person in your life who understands you and cares for you can make all the difference in the world. There are probably a lot of people who meet that criteria and I hope you meet one soon. Meanwhile, you can talk to us. I have thought of suicide many times but when someone else in my family actually did it, and I saw the utter devastation it caused people, I realized that I never wanted to be the cause of so much pain to so many people. So I just muddle through the down times, which are most days, until a wonderful day comes along. Then I cherish the memory until the next really great day comes along. Some of my best days are when I can get out hiking and kayaking. It's sounds like fishing is a good day for you. Hope you can get out fishing soon. (((Hugs)))