why cant NT accept us for who we are

Post Reply New Topic

I readily agree that isolation is a very painful state and if that is your situation, I really wish you better times ahead. I don't live in total isolation nor want to do so. I have adult children, grandchildren and others who are a big part of my life. Not everyone is so fortunate here, I know, and that's one of the great things about Wrong Planet, that it offers connection to all of us.

What happened at your last job? Startups can be really difficult. I have had my own experiences with failed projects and companies in the past. They can leave you in a bad place. The politics of failure is much worse than the politics of success. Luckily, I was able to walk away from that world.

Watch for the NT troll in page one. He belongs in AS Partners.

Well, it was sort of a brief rebound after my own business tanked (I could have probably resurrected it, but I was too burned out at that point) two years ago. Some friends of my family were in discovery phase for an online service which they wanted to provide through a mobile app. By that point they were struggling with development for over a year and I was brought in as a last-ditch effort to act on this business idea, otherwise their group had set a deadline to disband if no progress was made.

I made a breakthrough in just one week.

So I got to go to a meeting with the rest of the group. At that point I had no knowledge regarding what the terms of my involvement will be. The folks on the business end of the group did their presentation to me. I'm by no means stupid and I was asking them difficult questions regarding their business model, marketing and monetization. Now, these people are executives at an insurance and investment firm during daytime, and they had a lot of confidence. They were unprepared for some of my questions and apparently I knocked them off balance, something they aren't used to. At the same time I guess I had regressed with my autism back when my business sank... So when the attention was directed to me I wasn't able to present myself the best way possible. I actually had real hard time with eye contact during that meeting, more than usual. And I stuttered, and that hasn't happened to me for several years by that point. Later I was told by those friends of my family that the business people didn't like me, put lightly. In fact they didn't like me so much that in parallel with me they decided to hire another outfit to attempt developing the system.

I got subcontracting terms. I was insulted by the low offer, but I took it anyway because I figured I will swallow my pride and not offend friends of my family by turning it down, and I wasn't busy with anything else. I reminded them that they don't have to hire me for anything and they can get free consultations from me regardless. I was promised that I will get better terms after prototype stage.

So for the next two months I was turning in solid work. The pay sucked but I was looking forward to the better terms. During this time there has been a lot of friction with the rest of the group because of their inability to obey deadlines. My stuff was always in on time. I admit that I was coming across kind of harsh, but it wasn't me who's work is perpetually late.

The prototype was delivered. My initial contract was up. Negotiations for new terms began.

I received a profit sharing offer but with fine print that would basically make it so I would not see a dime for a long, long time. I presented them with how I see the numbers working under different subscriber growth rates. They said they liked my analysis, but they said they couldn't believe their offer was was coming out so bad in numbers. "We can't believe it, no way" they said. They asked me "Do you not have faith in our cause?" I said, "I just go by the numbers." I told them that clarifications are needed on how exactly they see me getting paid for my work. I said that I need a break for a week or two while they are evaluating the prototype anyway and that should give them enough time to clarify or rework the offer. In shock they asked me "Are you suspending work on this project?" I answered "You already went on vacation during this time, and it's a good time for me to have the break during evaluation of the prototype, this should give you enough time to gather feedback and look over the offer." On parting I said that I will be awaiting their phone call.

My prototype won against the prototype submitted by the other outfit, but I never heard from the group again. I guess they really hated working with me (and I do go down hard on slackers and frauds).

I later found out they hired a 3rd outfit to continue implementing my design, building on top of my prototype. I admit it was a pretty slick way to swindle me out of earnings.

I sulked for a bit, then I became preoccupied with my family's online business, which of course doesn't require me to go outside much. That's how 1.5 years went by.

Sorry if this came out long.

Sounds like you handled it quite well and dodge a bullet. Bonuses, options and profit sharing can be hard to collect. It is always good to understand your upside and downside on a contract.

For years I have was so stressed out trying to act like everyone else. After I was diagnosed with Asperger's. I now just be who I am. I feel so much better and more relaxed. I stay away from NT's that look at me funny or think I am weird.

This is unfortunately similar to my experience of NT's. I now feel that there is often a big piece missing in them and you have to be prepared for this kind of thing so I am now working towards making sure I get my needs met by specifying precisely what they are and making sure they stick to the deal. They seem to be comfortably numb regarding give and take. ie. there is more take if you let them get away with it.

Amen to that. I don't think NT's show much empathy or reciprocation. Most schools have sports on the curriculum to teach NT's the concept of teamwork. ie they have to be taught to work together. This continues at Uni where something called 'the hidden curriculum' tries to prepare NT's for working life. Go figure. I am now specifying what I expect in reciprocation for cooperation with NT demands.

I guess it´s because we´re different. And a lot of kids at school seem like they make fun of me but usually can´t tell because it´s hard to tell who it is and if they´re having fun with me or at me. The only reason how I know that is because other people have told me. But I can´t tell the difference. But most of the boys in my school are stupid and immature. Well different type of immature than I am. Yelling random stuff and doing stupid things. My immaturity is from social problems and not knowing what to say and if it´s appropriate or not. And it seems like my grandparents think it´s ridiculous that I don´t like social events and always wants to stay home in my room when things like this happens.

I often ask myself this. Fortunately not all NTs are nasty, but there still are a lot out there who just have to be insensitive.

I remember one time at my voluntary job about 7 years ago, when 2 of the people there began upsetting me. I could tell they talked about me when I weren't there, and they kept criticising and humiliating me about things I like doing, in subtle ways. They talked to me like I was stupid, and yelled at me if I made a mess while doing my work, and got on my case about things that were none of their business. Then one day they had the cheek to humiliate me about one of my harmless quirks, and it really made me cry. And these were 2 women in their 50s and 60s.
All I did was go there to do volunteering (which is good), because I was unemployed (although I was looking for a paid job). And yet these 2 bitchy women had to start picking on me, just because they couldn't cope with the way I was. Yes I can be quirky, I can be inattentive, but I am very tactful, would never say things to hurt other people's feelings, and I am a very thoughtful, generous person. Thankfully not all the people there were nasty, but these 2 people were always there so I couldn't avoid them. So they drove me out of there and I had to go someone else.



You'd have thought grown NT adults would know better to not upset someone who is a little bit odd, and instead use their brains to think before they hurt our feelings. I thought NTs didn't like tactlessness, and I didn't think they'd want to look nasty.

Man those 2 ladies were jerks to you big time. Where were you volunteering at and why they always there when you were there?

It was at a charity shop in town. Those 2 women happened to like being there. One of them was a manager (rather unprofessional for a paid manager), and the other was a volunteer like me. The manager done a lot of overtime, and sometimes the other one wasn't always there but the manager still picked on me in subtle ways. She had "favourite's", so her favourite people all saw the good (fake) side of her and her non-favourite people knew the mean side of her. The non-favourites liked me but didn't volunteer there very long because they didn't like the manager. The favourites (apart from the other one that picked on me) did all like me but I didn't really want to get them involved.

Yeah I understand.

I do this sometimes. It seems that narc behaviour is quite common in society. I could be right also.

I can't argue with this statement! Accept to say that in their minds they are right, come what may, particularly if a group tend to follow the same belief.

Decent people wouldn't bother you and treat you bad but people like to relate to others and when they can't relate to you, they have nothing in common and they don't interact with you or invite you to anything. They might say hi to you or try and do some small talk but when you don't initiate it, they "get the hint" and leave you alone and not bother with you again. They might try and talk to you about something or their personal life and when you have no interest in it, they get the hint and not talk to you anymore figuring you don't like them or don't really care about then. I don't think it's not about not accepting you. They just have a hard time relating to you.

The ones who bully and single you out and talk behind your back are not decent people. I call it immaturity.