"You're just mad because she wouldn't have sex"

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I guess kind of similar to when someone is having a rough time and someone says 'you just need to get laid' as if that will solve all their problems. Granted I think I read somewhere that sex can help relieve stress....but still.

Some people might be upset about rejection because now they wont get sex from that person...but to assume that is kind of assuming a lot about the person like that the sex was all they valued about the other person.

If you suffer from chronic sexual frustration, you can get the reply in the title every time you have any kind of problem with a woman, no matter what she or you did, and you really have no defence against it, since you can’t prove you didn’t actually want to get into her pants, and it’s just natural to assume you did.

Let's also make sure it's known that a lot of people just don't even reject someone these days.
They just disappear. Tinder, okcupid, that whole lot just won't message back.
Aspergers tells me "They're right there, they looked at the message. They have a phone. They must hate you. I have to confirm it."
It's an impulse. A scary one that turns nice people into scary people.
Can't blame him for the existential fear of being alone and impactless in the universe.

Well if you're not interested in someone who messages you why would you message them back? Do you really want them to message you 'hey I don't see anything in common and don't really want to talk to you.' I mean at least for me I prefer having not gotten a message back if the person I messaged wasn't interested.

I also didn't really message back people I lacked interest in as I wouldn't know what to say without it being awkward, well and some were rude/imposing so didn't want to subject myself to more from those ones.

I don't really think someone has 'disappeared' unless you've been talking to them, maybe even met in person or worse were under the impression they were in a relationship with you and they then just stop talking to you. This happened to me with my first 'boyfriend' in college and a guy I dated a couple years back(though that one did finally re-contact me to tell me they didn't want a serious relationship but they'd still like to screw around sexually with me after I had laid awake unable to sleep when I went to bed bed for over two weeks worrying maybe he got hurt/was in the hospital and that's why I wasn't hearing from him).

I'd only give that reply/think that if the person explicitly stated the reason for their anger is 'she wouldn't have sex with me.' and that's the only thing they see as the cause.

Nobody should be getting angry in the first place. It's fine (and normal) to feel sad about a rejection. It crosses the line into entitlement territory when you then turn around and get mad at the person who rejected you (as if somehow they can help who they are and aren't attracted to.)

Because acknowledging the existence of person who is addressing to you (in respectful way) is the most basic form of human to human respect.

I guess girls receive tons of messages on such apps, at least this what many claim - so it's not possible to apply this principle with every one.

However, in real life, when someone tells you Hello (respectfully), you say hello back, ,you acknowledge the person's presence, you don't just ingore the person, even if he or she is boring to you, even if he/she not interesting to you - because that would be rude.

But ... you obviously incorporated too much of online persona, maybe shaped by years of you using dating apps, to the extent that your reasoning and perspective in human interaction became too....Onlinish.

You're not the only one who has this..."condition"; a lot of those who their spirits get too much invested in dating sites culture for too long end up like this.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 15 Aug 2016, 5:49 pm, edited 5 times in total.

I agree with Boo here...absolutely.

People really should acknowledge another person's presence. It's the right thing to do.

it's weird how the most basic forms of basic respect and courtesy in life disappear on dating sites.
Like the guys who send creepy messages that they wouldn't probably say them in real life.

and like the girls who ignore a guy's respectful message (while showing him they visited the profile) and they consider this is normalized, not rude; something that they wouldn't probably do in real life too.

Even in the business world, it is extremely rude to ignore an email from a prospect even if he's not a valid prospect at all.
This is something that companies do to job applicants tho, when I said that dating sites are exactly like job boards, and the guys on it behave like job seekers : they apply to a lot and get ignored by most- while the girls behave like employers: they ignore most applicants and reply only to accepted candidates==> I was 100% right.

Yes IRL a random person saying 'hello' is friendly...so it would be rude to ignore them.

On a dating site I think it is safe to assume people who message you are interested in more than just a friendly chat. So to me it seemed like it would be pointless to respond to a vague message like 'hi' from a guy I'm not interested in, knowing full well they're hoping for more than that, and have probably sent that out to 100s of other girls probably sexier, hotter and more appealing than me. For all I know they didn't even look at my profile at all and just did one of those massive send messages to everyone in a given area code or something. Or maybe I look at their profile and they live in some far off state so see no chance of us ever actually 'meeting' as I never had interest in long distance relationships.

Not to mention I suck at small talk even more online than in person actually.

Also I didn't have an online 'persona' on dating sites, did my best to express me as my imperfect...probably at times obnoxious, seeming a bit off/unusual, metalhead self and used real pictures of how I typically look. That is probably why I never really did get a ton of messages but just a few every couple months. But even so I still wasn't able to deter all the 'hook up culture' type guys with leading on tendencies still ended up falling for a couple...when if anything I intentionally tried to seem unappealing to them.

I imagine I wouldn't make a good hiring person for a company than...

But you shouldn't feel so sorry for the guys I so meanly ignored... I imagine most of them found their one night stands, hook up culture girls and b*tches elsewhere. I admit I was too timid to respond back because I am used to being mocked by people that are very socially active in mainstream culture...so yeah wasn't sure what to say to guys who seemed very much a part of that who messeged me and part was concern of how they might respond to that. I've heard girls getting called an 'ugly b*ch who'll never get a guy with that attitude' after politely responding but then expressing they aren't interested.

I wasn't ignoring poor misfit guys wanting a genuine relationship and someone to love them for who they are, if that's what your trying to paint me as having done. That is actually what I tried looking for, people that could relate to being awkward and not really getting on with 'normal' people.

The internet tends not to bring out the best in people.

Dating sites bring out the sabre toothed, shark infested bastard on a stick side of chimpanzee ish humanity, and you just have to absorb what is thrown at you.

Humans are animals.

What you described in the third paragraph has happened to me. Even worse, she was accusing me of things that weren't true. She had issues with things with me that, to the overwhelming majority of people, are perfectly normal. She was basing my whole personality on ridiculous assumptions about me. And she did all the things you described. She ended up marrying someone else a few years ago, and I hadn't heard from her since, but it was the most horrible instance of "the one who got away" imaginable.

Well, that's the anonymity that the internet can provide. Most of the people that are racist, sexist or misogynistic on the internet would rarely behave that way in real life.
Certain people in the United Kingdom have been arrested by police for harassment and hate crimes.

I avoid social media for the most part and my loved ones rarely use it unless they need it for long distance communication. I think you need to get out and socialize with members of the British public, instead of thinking that the internet culture is the sole representative of society.

There's nothing wrong with wanting sex.
There is something wrong with not wanting sex.
If someone said I was mad just bc she wouldn't have sex, I would be angry bc they think they can sum up the reasons for my anger with a simple explanation.
But the simple explanation doesn't even make sense, if someone you are seeing romatically doesn't want to have sex, that is a problem. Both the biological and societal norm is that you want to have sex with your romantic partner.
That's easy.
I answered the post because I think its about other people giving superficial explanations for your emotions.
Which other people have done to me.