Aspie women: how is your workforce experience?

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It's not easy.

It's really hard to explain why you have meltdowns twice a month. It's very easily to feel betrayed and isolated, and very easy to feel like you don't belong.

I've had meltdown problems at every job I've ever done because it's often to do with the lacking of social abilities that other people don't have.

I've always wanted to work for myself, because to be honest, I can't cope with all the workplace politics, dynamics and cliques.

I've finally found somewhere I fit in. I do admin (im general dogsbody) and i work with scientists and I'm finding I get on ok with the women here. It's really different to what I've been used to.

Are you able to keep a job?

I've never been fired. There have been a couple of occasions where myself and my direct manager have taken a dislike to each other (one part-time job during uni, one temp job at a company where I'm pretty sure hope went to die - I've never seen so many miserable, angry people in one office). Every other time I've left a job, it's been my choice.

What do you do?

Nowadays I work in project management/project support. I've been doing a specialty role that not many people have experience in, and it's quite complex and demanding (a lot of competing priorities to juggle, a lot of problem solving that involves both research and (eep) talking to a lot of different people).

I've previously worked in IT, education, a couple of call centres, lots of temp admin roles, and retails jobs when I was still a student.

Are you successful at your career?

Ehhh, not by my high standards, but I have a nice little niche and the pay is pretty good.

Do you work part time or full time?

FT. I dream of going part time, but the nature of the work I do really won't allow it, sadly. The hours and the sheer volume of social interaction involved most days is wearing me down, and I can feel autistic burnout creeping up on me. Ugh.

How are things like with your co workers ?

Okay at the moment. I have a lot of trouble with social signals, and my current boss is less... direct, I suppose, that previous managers in what she wants from me. Trying to figure out the meaning behind her words, tone of voice and body language can leave me really anxious some days. Trying to get her on side and keep her there is probably the biggest issue I have - far more than my actual work.

But I've developed a pretty good rapport with others in the office (thank you, trusty NT-mask!). It's not 'real' to me, and I often feel quite empty/drained as a result. Occasionally, when I'm in the midst of trying to solve something complex, my mask slips and it's hello flat affect. I've mostly passed this off as being "tired" or "feeling a bit off". Works a treat.


A couple of caveats:

Although I work full time, I do so as a contractor, and usually negotiate a fixed term with my boss and/or HR upfront. I don't disclose my autism, but instead use other reasons why I can't stick around permanently.

I can't work for more than a year without having a massive breakdown (as I used to call it) or autistic burnout (as I now recognise in hindsight I was experiencing). I work, on average, 9 months a year. The rest of the time is spent recuperating and recalibrating my sensory system and emotional landscape, and (if money allows) travelling a bit.

Working like I do is mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting, and I'm usually a wreck once I get home and switch off the mask. It also means I don't engage in my creative hobbies/special interests, which then leads to escalating anxiety and frustration. And then I start to spiral.

So yeah, I'm fortunate in some ways (having the capacity to work and make decent money) not so much in others (pretending to be NT leads to being subjected to NT standards and expectations, which I can't handle long term).