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Why doesn't my friend invite me to her home?

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Summer_Twilight
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17 Sep 2017, 11:01 am

alpacka wrote:
Summer Twilight: I think you did the right choice to leave him


The straw that broke the camel's back with our relationship was due to him not getting his way. Basically, he's a huge fan of D&D and he learned that I had been playing with a campaign though he didn't know them. Why he didn't even bother to communicate with our DM or anything either. Rather, he tried to force himself into one of our sessions that the DM canceled at the last minute. When I told him about what happened, this guy has a hissy fit and just dropped me.

"What? I tried to get a good night sleep for a week so that I could participate. You mean I did this for nothing?"

After that, he pulled his skype stunts by signing off while speaking to my friends who play and they said that it was time to let him go and wrote a letter to him which he did not acknowledge.

Yet, he tried to talk to me on skype a month later and I just ignored him but I haven't heard anything from him since.



Summer_Twilight
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18 Sep 2017, 8:21 am

*He tried to invite himself into our campaign without meeting or getting to know the DM or anything which none of us were comfortable with.*



alpacka
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18 Sep 2017, 9:02 am

the_phoenix wrote:
alpacka wrote:
How do mean she was "nasty"? She seem worked up in her own mind, some people simply don't return gifts and are hard to call but nasty to me is some one who is really, really cruel. Maybe I misunderstand.

A friend of mine sounds a bit like this too, she can contact me but I can't contact her. She can visit me, I can't visit her (not the same person as on this topic)
She always has tones of excuses, always something, but I wouldn't call her nasty. Just a user who I can't count on with serious unsecurities. Friendship has unfortunately always been one-sided for me, never a 50/50 match, I can't believe it even exist.


My apologies for the miscommunication in my former post, it looks like my words were ambiguous.
What I meant was, the negative behaviors I described to you were how my friend was ... BEFORE her mean streak appeared ... she was playing the victim role, but mysteriously shifted into an abuser:

Like flipping a switch from the "poor me" routine
to unexpectedly becoming someone who turned against me and
started treating me badly ... like Dr. Jeckel and Mr. Hyde ...
... For one example, she invited me to stay at her house for my birthday.

We went to church, and she introduced me to her pastor as "the phoenix"
instead of using my real name. It was rather embarrassing and uncalled for.

We then watched a movie at her house ... or rather, she vanished
and let me watch the movie with her family. On previous visits, we would all watch together.

She then proceeded to sleep in upstairs until noon on my birthday.
Without telling me in advance she would do so ... normally she would get up between 9:30 or 10:30.
When she finally came downstairs, she told me that
she had been busy giving herself a haircut,
asked me in a mean way if I was hungry,
and thanked me in a patronizing voice for being "good" while waiting for her.
(Actually, I had found some leftover sushi to eat
because I certainly was not going to let myself go without eating anything for breakfast.)
There was no apology from her, only a nasty, evil-looking grin.
I've never been treated so rudely before when I stayed overnight at a friend's house.

It's well known that narcissists will try to sabotage other people's birthdays.
I still managed to have a nice one in spite of her.

So yeah, narcissists come in all flavors ...
some are more in-your-face, others are sneaky.
They're all toxic.

I'm now spending my time with friends who are more quiet,
less dramatic, and who treat me way better.


Okey, I do understand now what you meant :) She sounds very selfcentered and evil if she behaved you this awful way on your own birthday. That´s not okey and I´m happy you don´t spend time with this person anymore.

The "sneaky poor me"-person it´s hard to spot, I have to admit. And I do feel like "what if people think I am like that" because I have my dificulties that especially NT:s doens´t always understand and sometimes with the wrong words I may sound like a harsh person, honest and straight forward without knowing I hurt someone (typical aspie).

So, to summarize, how can you spot a "sneaky, poor me"-friend from just a friend that have difficulties with being forgetful and clumsy? For me, that´s not easy. Especially if the person has a lot of excuses that might be right. :wink:


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alpacka
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18 Sep 2017, 9:04 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
*He tried to invite himself into our campaign without meeting or getting to know the DM or anything which none of us were comfortable with.*


sometimes ignoring this kind of persons are the best way to learning for there own sake.


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Summer_Twilight
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19 Sep 2017, 10:56 am

alpacka wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
*He tried to invite himself into our campaign without meeting or getting to know the DM or anything which none of us were comfortable with.*


sometimes ignoring this kind of persons are the best way to learning for there own sake.



Lol, he used to ignore me all the time when I tried being nice but he claims that reason why is because he didn't want me thinking that he was interested when he wasn't. I have heard that ignoring someone is better than talking to them because it will make them think you like them.

He also ignored me because he was envious and couldn't stand being around me as I had found my calling and it ticked him off. In fact, he admitted this to me about 7 years ago. Basically, his life fell apart on him after graduating from a good school in mechanical engineering and had some problems
1. Couldn't hold onto a job due to being over self-confident and controlling on the job as he thought that he was smarter than everyone else along with not wanting to start at the bottom.
2. Couldn't find another one because he couldn't pass a job interview as communication is his weakness
3. He had the wrong voices in his life telling he couldn't because he's autistic and that's a disability
4 He was too proud to admit that he needs help along with being afraid of being fixed and losing his special zing.

So he's got the idea that he can't be a mechanical engineer and he's bitter about it too. Just about everytime, I would associate with him, he whined about and did whatever he could to get attention.

One time he introduced himself to a new person "Greetings, I'm (said his name) and I graduated from this college in mechanical engineering but due to my autism, I couldn't pass a job interview due to my communication issues. So I am doing this."

Yet, he preached at other people and myself included too on how we need to be in careers and not mopping floors, being receptionists etc while he didn't want to help himself. He's lazy