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Why doesn't my friend invite me to her home?

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alpacka
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21 Jul 2016, 1:18 pm

Okey, easy answer: I have no clue why she is acting this way, I want to hear if others has similar experiences. The end.

wowiexist: Thats not the issue here really, tx anyway


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AspE
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21 Jul 2016, 2:05 pm

I don't invite people to my house either. This should be understandable to anyone with Asperger's. I think in 10 years, I've had two people over that weren't relatives. One just came back from the Iraq war (autistic) and was suffering from some other mental issues, the other was a friend who had just almost died from a serious disease.



alpacka
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21 Jul 2016, 2:29 pm

AspE wrote:
I don't invite people to my house either. This should be understandable to anyone with Asperger's. I think in 10 years, I've had two people over that weren't relatives. One just came back from the Iraq war (autistic) and was suffering from some other mental issues, the other was a friend who had just almost died from a serious disease.


I understand you. But its not about that, its the fact that she doesnt even seem to care ti meet me in her city for a couple of hours.


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AspE
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21 Jul 2016, 9:12 pm

I don't even call people I care about on the phone.



Summer_Twilight
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22 Jul 2016, 5:05 pm

What about just asking her why things are one sided like that? Is she bored in her own city?



alpacka
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23 Jul 2016, 3:36 am

Yea, I will do that


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Summer_Twilight
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23 Jul 2016, 8:29 am

Do you have her phone number? Maybe you could ask her to give you a call and go over some of these things with her.



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23 Jul 2016, 9:43 am

I think it all boils down to asking the friend directly, yes.

The conversation might go something along the lines of:

"So, I'm not sure how to bring this up as I've been feeling a bit awkward about asking you...but, I'd really like to come visit you even just to go out around your city for the day.

But I'm wondering if there's a reason why you seem like you would rather not have me come there?

I don't want to impose on you or anything, we don't even have to go to your house, just meet for lunch.

It's just that it seems like you've discouraged this and, to be honest with you, I have felt a little bit hurt about it as I felt like it would be nice to take turns visiting. You've come to my city so much I would like to return the favor."



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24 Jul 2016, 10:57 am

Yes, definitely, you should ask the friend.



alpacka
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25 Jul 2016, 4:06 am

BirdInFlight: Thank you for your advice on what I can tell her. I think it sounds good to tell her that I feel a bit hurt that I can´t
get the same as Im giving her. On the other hand, I do feel like it is what is and I cant force her to do anything.
She maybe hates to entertain as someone here said before and that entertainment maybe also include meeting up in her city?
(I would not call that entertain but okey, maybe some ppl think that it is) But now when I have tried maybe 3 times to set a date to just meet up for a couple of hours and she doesnt reply I will take
a step back and not be my warm self anymore.

Is it typical for aspergers that you try too much and too long with a person that clearly doesnt give you favors in return?
For me this is not the first person behaves this way, I had alot of flaky friends before (now I have dumped them all)


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spinelli
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29 Jul 2016, 10:11 am

Find a new friend.



alpacka
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08 Sep 2017, 10:21 am

BirdInFlight wrote:
I think it all boils down to asking the friend directly, yes.

The conversation might go something along the lines of:

"So, I'm not sure how to bring this up as I've been feeling a bit awkward about asking you...but, I'd really like to come visit you even just to go out around your city for the day.

But I'm wondering if there's a reason why you seem like you would rather not have me come there?

I don't want to impose on you or anything, we don't even have to go to your house, just meet for lunch.

It's just that it seems like you've discouraged this and, to be honest with you, I have felt a little bit hurt about it as I felt like it would be nice to take turns visiting. You've come to my city so much I would like to return the favor."


Thank you :heart: I did that and here what´s happened: she just deleted me from Facebook and we haven´t talk since, it´s been long time since now and she was not caring about me at all.

Lesson learn, when someone seems to using you, THEY ARE! :evil:


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Summer_Twilight
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08 Sep 2017, 11:34 am

alpacka wrote:
BirdInFlight wrote:
I think it all boils down to asking the friend directly, yes.

The conversation might go something along the lines of:

"So, I'm not sure how to bring this up as I've been feeling a bit awkward about asking you...but, I'd really like to come visit you even just to go out around your city for the day.

But I'm wondering if there's a reason why you seem like you would rather not have me come there?

I don't want to impose on you or anything, we don't even have to go to your house, just meet for lunch.

It's just that it seems like you've discouraged this and, to be honest with you, I have felt a little bit hurt about it as I felt like it would be nice to take turns visiting. You've come to my city so much I would like to return the favor."


Thank you :heart: I did that and here what´s happened: she just deleted me from Facebook and we haven´t talk since, it´s been long time since now and she was not caring about me at all.

Lesson learn, when someone seems to using you, THEY ARE! :evil:


Hey, I was just thinking about this situation, how have things been between you and your friend?



alpacka
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09 Sep 2017, 4:33 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
alpacka wrote:
BirdInFlight wrote:
I think it all boils down to asking the friend directly, yes.

The conversation might go something along the lines of:

"So, I'm not sure how to bring this up as I've been feeling a bit awkward about asking you...but, I'd really like to come visit you even just to go out around your city for the day.

But I'm wondering if there's a reason why you seem like you would rather not have me come there?

I don't want to impose on you or anything, we don't even have to go to your house, just meet for lunch.

It's just that it seems like you've discouraged this and, to be honest with you, I have felt a little bit hurt about it as I felt like it would be nice to take turns visiting. You've come to my city so much I would like to return the favor."


Thank you :heart: I did that and here what´s happened: she just deleted me from Facebook and we haven´t talk since, it´s been long time since now and she was not caring about me at all.

Lesson learn, when someone seems to using you, THEY ARE! :evil:


Hey, I was just thinking about this situation, how have things been between you and your friend?


Just as I told earlier, she deleted me from Facebook as soon as I ask her about this, she has not given me any explanation what so ever. We have no contact anymore and I don't consider her as a friend.I was used and wish I could get this sooner :(


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Summer_Twilight
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09 Sep 2017, 6:19 am

alpacka wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
alpacka wrote:
BirdInFlight wrote:
I think it all boils down to asking the friend directly, yes.

The conversation might go something along the lines of:

"So, I'm not sure how to bring this up as I've been feeling a bit awkward about asking you...but, I'd really like to come visit you even just to go out around your city for the day.

But I'm wondering if there's a reason why you seem like you would rather not have me come there?

I don't want to impose on you or anything, we don't even have to go to your house, just meet for lunch.

It's just that it seems like you've discouraged this and, to be honest with you, I have felt a little bit hurt about it as I felt like it would be nice to take turns visiting. You've come to my city so much I would like to return the favor."


Thank you :heart: I did that and here what´s happened: she just deleted me from Facebook and we haven´t talk since, it´s been long time since now and she was not caring about me at all.

Lesson learn, when someone seems to using you, THEY ARE! :evil:


Hey, I was just thinking about this situation, how have things been between you and your friend?


Just as I told earlier, she deleted me from Facebook as soon as I ask her about this, she has not given me any explanation what so ever. We have no contact anymore and I don't consider her as a friend.I was used and wish I could get this sooner :([/quotte)

That's sad and it sounds like she was guilty of not treating you very well and you confronted her. I am sorry that she didn't want to resolve it and she certainly wasn't much of a friend. For one thing, that's a one-sided relationship along with her being stingy.



Summer_Twilight
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09 Sep 2017, 6:44 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
alpacka wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
alpacka wrote:
BirdInFlight wrote:
I think it all boils down to asking the friend directly, yes.

The conversation might go something along the lines of:

"So, I'm not sure how to bring this up as I've been feeling a bit awkward about asking you...but, I'd really like to come visit you even just to go out around your city for the day.

But I'm wondering if there's a reason why you seem like you would rather not have me come there?

I don't want to impose on you or anything, we don't even have to go to your house, just meet for lunch.

It's just that it seems like you've discouraged this and, to be honest with you, I have felt a little bit hurt about it as I felt like it would be nice to take turns visiting. You've come to my city so much I would like to return the favor."


Thank you :heart: I did that and here what´s happened: she just deleted me from Facebook and we haven´t talk since, it´s been long time since now and she was not caring about me at all.

Lesson learn, when someone seems to using you, THEY ARE! :evil:


Hey, I was just thinking about this situation, how have things been between you and your friend?


Just as I told earlier, she deleted me from Facebook as soon as I ask her about this, she has not given me any explanation what so ever. We have no contact anymore and I don't consider her as a friend.I was used and wish I could get this sooner :([/quotte)

That's sad and it sounds like she was guilty of not treating you very well and you confronted her. I am sorry that she didn't want to resolve it and she certainly wasn't much of a friend. For one thing, that's a one-sided relationship along with her being stingy.

On the other hand, I wouldn't let one friend poison one big city as I am sure there are meet-ups that you could join if you wanted to visit.