Why doesn't my friend invite me to her home?

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Just as I told earlier, she deleted me from Facebook as soon as I ask her about this, she has not given me any explanation what so ever. We have no contact anymore and I don't consider her as a friend.I was used and wish I could get this sooner [/quotte)

That's sad and it sounds like she was guilty of not treating you very well and you confronted her. I am sorry that she didn't want to resolve it and she certainly wasn't much of a friend. For one thing, that's a one-sided relationship along with her being stingy.

On the other hand, I wouldn't let one friend poison one big city as I am sure there are meet-ups that you could join if you wanted to visit.

Thank you for your kind words Feel a bit stupid for not questioning her earlier

I'm so sorry to hear that she deleted you and won't talk to you!

I had hoped my advice to ask about the issue would open up a dialog where maybe a simple explanation might come to light.

I'm very sad that instead it caused her to completely shut you out.

The only best thing to be had from that is that now you know she is a very odd "friend" if this is how she reacts. It may be best to chalk this one up to someone who really wasn't a good friend after all, if this is how strangely she can behave toward you.

I think it was very cowardly of her not to be upfront with you about why she refused to have you over. It sounds like she's got a major problem with pride and maybe even some self-absorption issues if you ask me. Believe me, she's not worthy of you if she is going to disrespect you like that. Shame on her! Again, you are always welcome in her city anytime even if she isn't a part of your life anymore. As I said, I am sure there are lots of meetup groups and other types of gatherings where you could meet people who are also travelers. Whatever you do, don't let her ruin your life or time in that city. Rather, fill that time with findings things that you love.

Thank you for your sympathy. I do agree with you, it is kind of sad that she just shut me off her life like that but as you were saying, I do know now for syre she was not a friend at all, just a user. It's kind of scary to know that there is people out there with insecurities, good qualities, but when you show some boundaries or just simple good manners, the "friend" just cut you off.

Thank you for your uplifting words.

It's not good for me to discover again that when I set boundaries the friend walks away, this was unfortunately not the first one doing this. I want to think she was a bad friend, self-absorb as you are saying but a voice in me also say I maybe come on to strong to her, "forcing" her to invite me as a city-guest.....? But nah. It sure was one-sided. How to tell from the beginning? So hard.

Polite friendships are reciprocal.
You invite me to your house, I invite you to my house.
In my case, like many Aspies, it's better if you insert the word "restaurant" in place of house ...
I desperately need to clean up!
But anyways, yes, I have friends that I get together with at restaurants, and we take turns paying.
We are also kind enough to ask each other which restaurant we prefer to go to.
Fair is fair.

Deeper friendships are where each friend genuinely cares about the other as a human being.

Sounds like your "friend" wasn't even polite.
She cared way more about herself than about you or your feelings.

And it's not just you this happens to.
And it's not even just happening to autistics, it happens to NTs as well.
People in the world are pretty much out for themselves these days.
It's really sad.
But I would keep on looking for an actual decent good friend
who treats you with the respect you deserve
and returns your kindness.

P.S. Master manipulators (narcissists, or people like your "friend") often leave you wondering was it you, or was it them ... they also present a fake self to the world and keep you guessing to control you. As for you, you have to trust your gut instincts and feelings. If someone makes you feel bad, that's a toxic person. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells with a real friend when asking a simple question about visiting ... they should be just as glad to provide hospitality as you are. Your friend probably dumped you on Facebook because you called her out on her bad behavior. That's a reflection on her, not you.

I have learned that people are nice as long as they get their way or get what they want but as soon as you step up and let them that they aren't getting their way then you see their true colors. I had a few users in my life who I thought were friends.

For instance-
One of my "Friends" and her parents used people all the time and didn't make an effort for other people at all. They were also looked at her daughter's deficits and past experiences so she was overly protected and spoiled. Of all the examples that they used me:
1. My family member and I took her to Disney World two years in a row:
2. After we got back from a long road trip, her parents used us to watch their adult daughter so they could eat out at a nice restaurant at the last minute.

Yet, her parents didn't bother to invite me to my friend's 30th surprise birthday party though, I meant a lot to her and had called me excessively. When I confronted her mother, she made an excuse that the party was 100 miles away though she knew good and well that I could have gotten a ride.

Very true.

Users will also blame you for things or put you down as the mother of my former friend did. In this case, she often dropped hints that I am a selfish person or dropped hints like "Now this is for my daughter, your friend who's getting married etc.


I also had a childhood friend who grew up in a family of users so she became a user as well along with manipulating me.

Examples:
1. Her parents had plenty of money but used my parents to pay for their dinner at a steak house but never invited us back to return the favor.
2. When my friend became a teenager, she lost her interest and never had time to talk to me. When she wanted something, oh boy!
a. She got into a fight with her boyfriend and wanted me to call him up and ask him out for her.
b. She hinted that she wanted me to drive her around by asking me when I would get my driver's permit
c. She used me to buy her things

Final example:

I had a crush on a guy who was also on the spectrum but he couldn't stand me but led me around while making fun of my hyperactivity behind my back and called me a "Spazz." While he otherwise ignored and avoided me, he was nice whenever he wanted something.

But I would keep on looking for an actual decent good friend
who treats you with the respect you deserve
and returns your kindness.

P.S. Master manipulators (narcissists, or people like your "friend") often leave you wondering was it you, or was it them ... they also present a fake self to the world and keep you guessing to control you. As for you, you have to trust your gut instincts and feelings. If someone makes you feel bad, that's a toxic person. You shouldn't have to walk on eggshells with a real friend when asking a simple question about visiting ... they should be just as glad to provide hospitality as you are. Your friend probably dumped you on Facebook because you called her out on her bad behavior. That's a reflection on her, not you.[/quote]

Thank you for your words. I think you are right about this. But I do have trouble to see this person as a "narcissist", she seem to fragile for that (also on spectrum a bit) but I get your point. Really, I don't know what to expect in a so called good friend, I don't know the lines between I'm too demanding and the other one a simple bad friend?

I don't know about narcissistic but just more of someone who appears to be off in her own little world and maybe someone who doesn't take into consideration what a relationship is.

I feel so sorry that this happened to you. This so called friends could not have a heart inside. This girls family seems have no remorse either, your family buying dinner and they never return a dinner back? So, so bad!! How the hell are people thinking?

I was used alot before in a similar way, food, drinks, gifts, never got it back. I think people can easily pick up on people they can use, and we are too naive in some way that it take YEARS to figure it out...

As I said earlier, I was used to have a huge crush on a guy who is also on the spectrum but he didn't like me back. Why?
1. The main reason was that I am hyper
2. That I wasn't ultra geeky or brainy like him
3. He thought I was stupid though he knew I am pretty intelligent to the point that it intimidated him

He basically led me on by being really flirtatious but that was because he wanted something out of me. Otherwise, I didn't matter to him along with being extremely two-faced with me.

E.G. - About 4 and a half years ago, he and I were in a chatroom which he wasn't aware of my being there. He told everyone about hoq another ex-friend and I had tried to hook into him but that we were not interested in him because we weren't high geeks and how to had to let us down and that it wasn't "Easy."

About a month later, he learned that I was on the chat and he got really flirty with me by asking me to read his story and review it. So, I went along with it thinking and hoping that our relationship would improve and that he would change his mind about me. It turned out to be a real joke because when there was no more story, he acted like it never happened.
1. He didn't seem to care that my ex-friend who also chased him for a while, had abandoned me
2. Suddenly he couldn't voice chat with me on skype because my voice is too grating on his ears
3. He made a habit of signing off skype when I would log on

So I let him go

Could be you're dealing with what's called a covert, shy, or vulnerable narcissist.
I just cut ties with one earlier this year after she started showing her true colors ... which were nasty.

Before she turned nasty ...
She was low energy, always anxious, had trouble falling asleep, always in an emotional crisis ...
and would use all this to claim she was unable to answer phone calls or send me
a birthday or Christmas card ...
Meanwhile, I sent her cards, which she was all too happy to accept from me.

She was too "fragile" (or was it too lazy or just didn't care enough) to return the favor.
Plus, she had all these really strange rules about when was a good time for me to call her
or her to call me ... basically, so she could be the one in control of the relationship
instead of it being friendly, spontaneous, and mutually fun and reciprocal
like it should be with a real friend.

She had low self-esteem, even about things she was highly talented in.

And like you, I wondered whether she (my ex-friend) was on the spectrum a bit.

As for a good friend,
that is a person who shows mutual respect, interest, and enthusiasm for you and the relationship.
Someone who is supportive, fun to be around, who is there to share good times and bad times,
who makes you feel good about yourself.

What does your gut feeling say about your friend?

How do mean she was "nasty"? She seem worked up in her own mind, some people simply don't return gifts and are hard to call but nasty to me is some one who is really, really cruel. Maybe I misunderstand.

A friend of mine sounds a bit like this too, she can contact me but I can't contact her. She can visit me, I can't visit her (not the same person as on this topic)
She always has tones of excuses, always something, but I wouldn't call her nasty. Just a user who I can't count on with serious unsecurities. Friendship has unfortunately always been one-sided for me, never a 50/50 match, I can't believe it even exist.