A good demonstration of social risk

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Social risk taken to the extreme.



These people took a social risk. They had no idea how Mr. Williams would respond to two strangers spontaneously playing the Star Wars theme that he composed, in front of his house. Would he call the police? Would he storm out of the house in an irate manner and ask them what the hell they were doing, or admonish them for disturbing his peace? Would their souls be absolutely crushed by a man they apparently think very highly of? All of those things were realistic possibilities, but these people decided that, the potential positive outcome, was worth risking enduring the potential negative outcomes, and by chance, Mr. Williams happened to appreciate it.

It is still risky than cold-approaching a woman.

You promote cold approaching and social risk; while I promote against it; why?

Thank you, Chronos, that was a great post.

I can't see how this as a social risk to the extreme - I can't see how this is more risky than asking a girl out.

Mr. William is a public figure; his character is known, his niceness is know - and he surely won't be mean to a lady and to a kid playing his music theme. And what they did (playing music) has no potential to cause harm or to make them seens as creeps; it is obviously a fan gesture.

So... No, approaching stranger women is far more risky than playing music to Mr. William in front of his house.

To you it may not seem like a big risk playing that music at his house, but to others it could be. Everyone has a different sense of what's risky. The video just illustrated the expression "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." The point is not to argue whether it's risky to ask someone out or not. The point is that if you aren't willing to be vulnerable enough to ask people out, you don't deserve to complain about being single. And everyone you ask out is different, so you have to keep trying--a point which many here ignore.

Oh really? A lot of people get into relationship without a single "asking out" - and who are you to tell us whether we have the right or not in something?

and I was criticizing the "to the extreme" part - I estimate the risk in this video of like 1% , the risk is so so so so low in that example, especially because the players are a lady and a kid - it's so unlikely that a public figure would behave in a way that would embarrass him in media just because someone played music.

Yes, you don't have to ask someone out. You're the one who mentioned a cold approach to women; that's what I was referring to.

Perhaps "right" isn't a good word to use, but if you don't try to succeed then how can you genuinely complain about failing?

This is just an example of social risk in general. I posted it in the Love and Dating forum because this forum gets more views, and the moral of the post is applicable to love and dating, as well as other social situations.

Whether or not what these individuals did is not as risky as approaching a strange woman, is entirely subjective. Perhaps you would be far more emotionally devastated by being rejected by a woman you were attracted to, than by having John Williams call the cops on you, but if John Williams happens to be your idol, you might consider this the greater risk.

Some people on this website are so adverse to taking social risks that they never take any social risk, and suffer because of it. There's some logic to this for some individuals, as some individuals don't know how to deal with certain social situations, so they avoid them, and that's entirely reasonable. But ten there are other individuals who are just afraid of failure, or think that if a social situation doesn't go their way, they have done something wrong. For those individuals in the latter category, I wanted to illustrate that sometimes the rewards of success outweigh the punishment of failure, and also that sometimes social right and wrongs, rather than being set in stone, are determine democratically by the parties involved in the social exchange.

^ Some suffer a lot from the social risk, look what happened to that guy in the other thread who asked a girl in a cosplay to take a pic togother (which is a common practice in cosplays).

There's too much social risk for guys to do cold approaches(not much for girls, because guys rarely react in such ways like calling the cops, or calling the girl being creep... etc - the worst risk for girls is rejection and rudeness but that's it) ; it's really not worth the risk for guys

There's no use to try to change the flow, guys are not cold-approaching girls anymore, it is something going extinct.
It is you, the ladies, who should do it.

Now I am not sure if you are referring to approach people through friends and socialization in general and not to cold approaches; but I don't really see much social *risk* in that.

There are far larger social risks than both this example and cold approaching women on the street that actually might work too. I suppose it is up to people themselves to decide what methods to use.

+100

Excellent post imo. Especially, my bold of your lines...

The worst thing about approaching a girl for a date in a grocery store is that you might be known as the "Creep in
Aisle 6" all over world if someone puts up the security camera footage on the web.

The social shift is already happening, you can't go against it - and it is happpening everywhere (even in Japan).
You will see plenty of complains from women on online boards how men are not longer asking women out.

Here a typical example: https://pairedlife.com/dating/Dating-10 ... Do-Anymore
(The discussion in the comment section is even more important the the article).

You want a boyfriend? You want to date a specific man? then it's on you to ask him out; most men these days are not gonna do it anymore.

It is... ok, this how it should have been in the first place.

I remember in college there was a girl who would stare at me during class. I thought that she was very pretty. I did not even speak to her until the last day of class. I figured this might be the last time I'd speak to her. I walked up on her and awkwardly introduced myself and shook her hand. I asked for her number. She asked why? I said "because you stare at me in class." She denied staring at me and said her number very quickly and walked off. I never called her. I felt like she felt obligated to be nice and was somewhat embarrassed by me stating plainly that she stared at me.

I never again asked a woman out unless she made it 101 percent obvious that she wanted me to. Asking a girl out is terrifying to me. I cannot play instruments, but if I could, I think I could do what is depicted in the video no problem. Still inspiring though.

This post is not particular to cold approaching, and the guy at the cosplay convention was not cold approaching. He was asking to take a photo, which is standard practice at conventions.

However, concerning cold approaching, you made a statement which demonstrates a lack of insight into the risks women face. While a man might not designate a woman who approaches him as a creep or call the police, women still face being rejected in rude, and emotionally devastating ways, particularly because men tend to be very direct when rejecting a woman. Additionally, a woman doesn't know if the man she is approaching is a potentially dangerous individual. How often have we heard of men raping or murdering women who went on dates with them? It's not uncommon. There was recently a case here where a man murdered and dismembered a woman who went on a date with him. When a woman goes out with a man she does not know very well, she is really at his mercy, and she's taking a big risk to her personal safety.

This is also why women are less likely to be very direct when rejecting men. He could respond in a violent manner.

You might not be aware, but a member here very recently had started receiving death threats, and threats of sexual assault, from another member, who, as far as I can tell, was upset at his belief that girls on the spectrum were not interested in dating him.

Women take risks when they say yes, and women take risks when they say no.

^ No, I am all aware of those risks:

-That risk would be lower if the woman does the first move: at the slightest of negative gut feeling she gets from her target guy, she won't approach him at all and bar him for good. She would have a lot of time to evaluate the guys' behavior before going to him.

-And the risk from a violent reaction over rejection would be significantly less if she does the asking out.

On the other hand, by adopting the "Man asks out woman first", the risks woman would face:

- She has to face the reactions over rejection
- She might be tempted to say Yes, but she would have had less time to evaluate the guy's behavior than if she took the initiate to ask him out.

So either way, it's better for the women to do the first move and them ask out men than the other way.