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Online dating is pointless as a guy

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Temeraire
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08 Nov 2017, 4:14 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
GiantHockeyFan wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Yet somewhere out there there's probably some delusional person who would condemn you and defend her.

HAHA I actually cut this line from my original message. I have no doubt she tells everyone how horrible I am for:

Breaking up via text/email (after she threw a violent temper the first two times I tried to do it privately and never apologized: I once actually debated slipping a gas station clerk a note to call 911 and stop my car)
Dumping her stuff in her parent's driveway (after she refused to take it back or arrange to have it picked up),
Throwing her out of my apartment (after she nearly got me evicted)
Yelling at her repeatedly and even threatening her (guilty, but nearly every sane person would have eventually done the same. Never mind how she used to throw stuff all the time.)
How 'greedy' I was for demanding monetary compensation after a few months (never mind she lived 40+km away)
Other adult stuff (where she was the 'aggressor', not me.)

I saw her brother and father at a hockey game last year (I swear I really do other activities!!) and made sure not to be anywhere alone around them as no doubt they think I am a complete monster. I will also never forget this summer I was walking with my wife and spotted her on my street. I quickly jumped into my car like a sniper was after me. My wife commented "you are being ridiculous" to which I replied "spoken by a sane, normal, healthy woman". She cyber-stalked her for a couple of YEARS after the breakup and I wouldn't put anything past her. Turns out she probably doesn't know I live there and is dating someone a couple of streets over. I have to resist saying to the new guy (who looks quite normal) ""hey, call me if you need to be bailed out of jail". Poor guy has no idea what he is in for once she 'splits' on him.

In short, she would NEVER get a date from a 'normal' man if she didn't go online with their skewed gender ratios. I still shake my head at women with inflated egos demanding the world and offering almost nothing in return... and men still continue to date them.


Yikes. That’s tricky, thank god you are out of it. Sounds like a basket case.


Does sound like he is better out of it.

There are women out there that give the rest of us a bad name, just as there are men out there that give the rest of them a bad name.



RetroGamer87
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08 Nov 2017, 4:47 pm

Temeraire wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
GiantHockeyFan wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Yet somewhere out there there's probably some delusional person who would condemn you and defend her.

HAHA I actually cut this line from my original message. I have no doubt she tells everyone how horrible I am for:

Breaking up via text/email (after she threw a violent temper the first two times I tried to do it privately and never apologized: I once actually debated slipping a gas station clerk a note to call 911 and stop my car)
Dumping her stuff in her parent's driveway (after she refused to take it back or arrange to have it picked up),
Throwing her out of my apartment (after she nearly got me evicted)
Yelling at her repeatedly and even threatening her (guilty, but nearly every sane person would have eventually done the same. Never mind how she used to throw stuff all the time.)
How 'greedy' I was for demanding monetary compensation after a few months (never mind she lived 40+km away)
Other adult stuff (where she was the 'aggressor', not me.)

I saw her brother and father at a hockey game last year (I swear I really do other activities!!) and made sure not to be anywhere alone around them as no doubt they think I am a complete monster. I will also never forget this summer I was walking with my wife and spotted her on my street. I quickly jumped into my car like a sniper was after me. My wife commented "you are being ridiculous" to which I replied "spoken by a sane, normal, healthy woman". She cyber-stalked her for a couple of YEARS after the breakup and I wouldn't put anything past her. Turns out she probably doesn't know I live there and is dating someone a couple of streets over. I have to resist saying to the new guy (who looks quite normal) ""hey, call me if you need to be bailed out of jail". Poor guy has no idea what he is in for once she 'splits' on him.

In short, she would NEVER get a date from a 'normal' man if she didn't go online with their skewed gender ratios. I still shake my head at women with inflated egos demanding the world and offering almost nothing in return... and men still continue to date them.


Yikes. That’s tricky, thank god you are out of it. Sounds like a basket case.


Does sound like he is better out of it.

There are women out there that give the rest of us a bad name, just as there are men out there that give the rest of them a bad name.

Very true. We all need to stop generalising so much.


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GiantHockeyFan
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09 Nov 2017, 7:41 am

hale_bopp wrote:
Yikes. That’s tricky, thank god you are out of it. Sounds like a basket case.

Imagine if I had to get her pregnant! At least most crazy women have an income, this one still doesn't have a job to this day although I think she finally graduated College after 7 tries. I think this is a perfect example of no matter how lonely you are, any decision made based on fear (in this case, fear of being undateable and fear of never finding anyone else) is one you are going to regret.

My wife was upset about something recently and told me how she doesn't want to be clingy or needy. I had to restrain from laughing and saying "you have NO IDEA what I had to put up with before!" Crazy literally was sick every single week and if I managed to get off the phone in 30 minutes or less without her crying it was a miracle. At one point I had enough and turned off my phone: she called about 20 times and texted me 60 times in an hour! I was so naïve I actually thought this was somewhat normal female behavior!!

I once talked with her last 'employer' who used to call her as an emergency fill in (after we broke up). She told me how they ignore her calls now and then laughed and told me "I'm surprised she hasn't keyed your car yet". I replied "so, that's where that scratch came from."

I guess the point I am trying to make is that online dating might be miserable when you don't get any replies, but it can get FAR more miserable when you get responses and dates from messed up people. What an idiot I was but at least I can come here to WP and share my experience hoping nobody goes through the same thing I did: we aspies are like sitting ducks thanks to our naivety and inexperience.



The_Face_of_Boo
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09 Nov 2017, 7:46 am

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she called about 20 times and texted me 60 times in an hour! I was so naïve I actually thought this was somewhat normal female behavior!!


It is not??

/shocked.



Temeraire
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09 Nov 2017, 8:24 am

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Yikes. That’s tricky, thank god you are out of it. Sounds like a basket case.

Imagine if I had to get her pregnant! At least most crazy women have an income, this one still doesn't have a job to this day although I think she finally graduated College after 7 tries. I think this is a perfect example of no matter how lonely you are, any decision made based on fear (in this case, fear of being undateable and fear of never finding anyone else) is one you are going to regret.

My wife was upset about something recently and told me how she doesn't want to be clingy or needy. I had to restrain from laughing and saying "you have NO IDEA what I had to put up with before!" Crazy literally was sick every single week and if I managed to get off the phone in 30 minutes or less without her crying it was a miracle. At one point I had enough and turned off my phone: she called about 20 times and texted me 60 times in an hour! I was so naïve I actually thought this was somewhat normal female behavior!!

I once talked with her last 'employer' who used to call her as an emergency fill in (after we broke up). She told me how they ignore her calls now and then laughed and told me "I'm surprised she hasn't keyed your car yet". I replied "so, that's where that scratch came from."

I guess the point I am trying to make is that online dating might be miserable when you don't get any replies, but it can get FAR more miserable when you get responses and dates from messed up people. What an idiot I was but at least I can come here to WP and share my experience hoping nobody goes through the same thing I did: we aspies are like sitting ducks thanks to our naivety and inexperience.


Yes, be careful what you wish for because you may just get it.



GiantHockeyFan
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09 Nov 2017, 1:41 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
It is not??
/shocked.

My wife rarely calls and never texts me and my last relationship was also with someone who probably considered me needy... and I texted or called an average of once a day.

Temeraire wrote:
Yes, be careful what you wish for because you may just get it.

Precisely. If I wasn't "desperate" (hate that word) for a girlfriend I would not have explained away her odd behavior as a weird anomaly that was somehow my fault and would have thrown her number out the first time she had an outburst on date #3. I am certain behind my back everyone was thinking "what does he see in her?"



Temeraire
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09 Nov 2017, 5:46 pm

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
It is not??
/shocked.

My wife rarely calls and never texts me and my last relationship was also with someone who probably considered me needy... and I texted or called an average of once a day.

Temeraire wrote:
Yes, be careful what you wish for because you may just get it.

Precisely. If I wasn't "desperate" (hate that word) for a girlfriend I would not have explained away her odd behavior as a weird anomaly that was somehow my fault and would have thrown her number out the first time she had an outburst on date #3. I am certain behind my back everyone was thinking "what does he see in her?"


Yes, the warning signs are there but sometimes we can be blinded by a strong desire for connection - it is in our DNA and we can't help it because we are human which makes us social creatures.

Perhaps you can get a few people together and make a guide to online dating for auties. There are plenty of people on here with both horror stories and happy endings.

If you used the experience you may feel less regret.



sly279
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09 Nov 2017, 6:08 pm

Such horrible women don’t see me as a worthy target. There’s nothing to gain from abusing me.



RetroGamer87
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09 Nov 2017, 6:50 pm

sly279 wrote:
Such horrible women don’t see me as a worthy target. There’s nothing to gain from abusing me.

Consider yourself lucky! You don't need to be in their sights.


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09 Nov 2017, 6:54 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Such horrible women don’t see me as a worthy target. There’s nothing to gain from abusing me.

Consider yourself lucky! You don't need to be in their sights.

I don’t think it’s lucky to be considered universally unattractive and worthless



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09 Nov 2017, 7:19 pm

sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Such horrible women don’t see me as a worthy target. There’s nothing to gain from abusing me.

Consider yourself lucky! You don't need to be in their sights.

I don’t think it’s lucky to be considered universally unattractive and worthless


You’re not unattractive and worthless, but because you think you are, you will always look for reasons that you’re right, and subconsciously ignore any indication that you’re not. There is a psychological word for it, but it’s escaped me. It’s a big part of OCD and people’s brain activity as well, like incorrectly connecting that you got hit by a bus because you took an extra 5 minutes on a lunch break. I’m on medication for severe ocd, and it’s quite similar.

I believe lots of women on here think you’re an okay guy, and I’d definitely meet you if I was in the area, even if it’s just to be friendly. That’s not an indication of someone worthless. In one ear and out the other while you brew over Nurse Angela wanting someone who earns $40,000 pa.



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09 Nov 2017, 8:26 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Such horrible women don’t see me as a worthy target. There’s nothing to gain from abusing me.

Consider yourself lucky! You don't need to be in their sights.

I don’t think it’s lucky to be considered universally unattractive and worthless


You’re not unattractive and worthless, but because you think you are, you will always look for reasons that you’re right, and subconsciously ignore any indication that you’re not. There is a psychological word for it, but it’s escaped me.

Inferiority Complex?


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Temeraire
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09 Nov 2017, 8:35 pm

Looks like low self-esteem to me.



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09 Nov 2017, 8:45 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Such horrible women don’t see me as a worthy target. There’s nothing to gain from abusing me.

Consider yourself lucky! You don't need to be in their sights.

I don’t think it’s lucky to be considered universally unattractive and worthless


You’re not unattractive and worthless, but because you think you are, you will always look for reasons that you’re right, and subconsciously ignore any indication that you’re not. There is a psychological word for it, but it’s escaped me.

Inferiority Complex?


No, more like noticing stuff that’s wrong because that’s what you’re looking for. When I have a borderline episode, it’s what I do.



RetroGamer87
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09 Nov 2017, 9:19 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
sly279 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
sly279 wrote:
Such horrible women don’t see me as a worthy target. There’s nothing to gain from abusing me.

Consider yourself lucky! You don't need to be in their sights.

I don’t think it’s lucky to be considered universally unattractive and worthless


You’re not unattractive and worthless, but because you think you are, you will always look for reasons that you’re right, and subconsciously ignore any indication that you’re not. There is a psychological word for it, but it’s escaped me.

Inferiority Complex?


No, more like noticing stuff that’s wrong because that’s what you’re looking for. When I have a borderline episode, it’s what I do.

Confirmation bias?


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09 Nov 2017, 9:33 pm

Yes. We women are all cruel and evil. Your misery delights us. And so we laugh. Ha ha ha.

:roll: *siiiiiggghhh* :roll: