Venting of a "friendzoned" AS dude

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Hello, everyone. New member here in need of support from fellow Aspies. (Or non-Aspies. In all honesty, I welcome all thoughts from everyone.)

So I had a far-from-pleasant experience just yesterday, and I felt like venting about it somewhere else than by means of written words on paper. I already frequent seven other forums, but I felt as though my rambling would be most welcome in a less niche-focused one.

Now then, I've spent the last two months talking to this girl I met on one of the forums I frequent. We became friends apparently quickly, and we both even already expressed our wishes to meet each other in person. It's still quite far off, though, and that's not what I'm venting about either.

These past two weeks, some interesting developments occurred. I shared one of my prior written ramblings with her in which I contemplated the possibility of me having a crush on her. I made no mention of her by name, but she seemed to get the idea. We spent the following week or so staying relatively quiet about it, although she did say she was thinking similarly to me.

Then, one morning, I woke up to a message from her on Snapchat saying that she needed some time. I gave her my full understanding and support, until...

I woke up to another message from her yesterday.

In that message, she now said that she wanted to keep me as a friend. I was devastated. But still, I told her that I understood. I felt like I wasn't being entirely honest, but I didn't know what else to say.

In the 22 years I've lived, I haven't ever experienced anything close to love up until now. It was bad enough when I obsessed about getting a girlfriend for God knows how many years, and when I finally experience my first serious crush, this has to happen.

Comfort me.

I'm not very good at being comforting, I'm afraid.

You met online. You formed a crush on her. You let her know this in an oblique fashion, but she picked up on it anyway. And she said she was thinking she may have similar feelings for you. Then she lets you know she needs some time - presumably of not being in contact with you in order to keep a clear head whilst mulling it over - and then, today, she lets you know she values your friendship, but doesn't want it to turn romantic.

Do I have that right?

Well, you'll be fine, in time. Unrequited love (or indeed, 'crush') is a lousy situation but, she wants to be your friend. Assuming you want to be her friend, and can be her friend, make the most of it.

If you're wondering if there's a possibility of something happening between you two, then I would assume there is, but I would advise against being her friend simply in the hope of the relationship changing to something else.

I don't know this particular girl's disposition, but, for me, a friend is someone I think is a damn fantastic person and whose perspective and intelligence and taste I really appreciate and enjoy, but who it just happens I don't want to be romantically or sexually involved with. I think the term and notion of 'the friendzone' cheapens and lessens the worth and warmth of friendship.

Appreciate the friendship, and I'm sure she will, too. There'll be other girls, and other crushes, and other disappointments.

The first time getting your heart broken is the worst. It's a new kind of pain, but you'll get through it. It will be difficult at first, but over time the pain fades and you'll move on.

At least you know where you stand and you won't be agonising over whether she likes you back. You know the truth now and you are free to move on, free to grieve the loss and free to heal.

I think i understand. I have a male acquaintance that I want to be more than friends with, but I'm trying to remain friends with him and it's just not working. It hurts too much and I still have feelings for him. I really don't think the friendship is going to work out.

I'm even thinking of moving to a different town so that I can stop bumping into him or his family when I'm out and about. I'd like to go to the supermarket without the anxiety of having to pretend I'm OK if I see them.

I can say for a fact that being in the friendzone beats the burlap outta being in the creepzone.

The first girl I had a crush on didn't really care about me much at all.
The second girl downright despised me.
Only with the third girl did I have the privilege of being "friendzoned". It was indirect though, I never asked her out, but she got herself a boyfriend, so clearly I was just a friend in her eyes.

I advice distancing yourself from her. It's not meant as a punishment to her or anything, it's simply for your benefit. I find the best way to get over a crush is to not be around them - if you stay close to her you'll just end up feeling sorry for yourself, and you could end up missing out on the girl that does show interest in you because you're still obsessed with this one.

In the next chat, tell her that you had a date with a girl and tell her it was great. :v muhaha

Watch then how she reacts.

If you want to avoid the friend-zone, tell her you have a crush (on somebody, don't be specific) make sure you talk a lot about love and relationships (in 3:rd person, you shouldn't directly address her). That way she cannot friend-zone you, and if she stays in touch with you, you can be pretty sure it's mutual.

I'm going to tell you something that I wish someone had said to me when I was a young man.

There are 7 billion people on Planet Earth and those are roughly split evenly between men and women. That means that there are at least 3.5 billion women on this planet. There are lots and lots and lots of women out there. Literally more women than you could ever meet in your lifetime if you met a new woman every minute of every day.

Do you know what that means? You have lots and lots and lots of options. There is an overabundance of romantic prospects for you. You don't need to feel upset if one individual woman doesn't reciprocate your feelings. It's her loss and there is always someone else who can easily replace her.

Once you internalize that "abundance mentality", your romantic life will improve tremendously. If you need to, take a moment and jot down a list of all your positive qualities. Look over that honest, long list of all the things that make you great. The problem is with HER if she doesn't recognize what a catch you are.

Then you move on to someone more suitable for you. Someone who will truly appreciate you.

Just in the United States alone you have millions and millions of options.

Chin up, buddy. It's going to be okay.