Bullying from female family members

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I've always been picked on in my family, mostly by other women. My mum and sister can be the worst my cousin joins in occasionally. I'm also gifted and have always been eccentric and aim for transparency in logical discussion. I always try to be honest and I just love talking about things that fascinate me. But my family always seem to think I am egotistical or arrogant for wanting to talk about these things. In my humble opinion, I don't think I am arrogant and get very upset with myself if I'm told I come across this way. It is NEVER my intention to hurt anyone. Honestly, it's the opposite of how I am inside. I simply just want to let my mind explore and to think critically about everything and share my passion with the close people in my life. I think there is something transcendental in seeing the world with wide eyes and marvelling at the complexity, beauty and tragedy of it all. My family tease me and always seem to have the opinion that I am generally selfish. My sisters boyfriend has called me a 'horrendous person' for simply refusing to allow him to interfere with my relationship, telling me I'm not fit to have a boyfriend because I will only be in institutions my whole life (I was misdiagnosed with bipolar previously). I've recently been diagnosed aspergers and suddenly everyone is quiet. There is no scepticism, no support. Nothing. I'm not sure if they feel guilty or whether they just feel they can't pick on me anymore because it would look bad on them. I'm a friendly person and I love animals. I just don't understand why they can't accept me for who I am and understand I can't change. It feels to me like I am the easy target. Does anyone else experience this in their family, especially with other women?

My mother has called me selfish and is constantly criticizing my appearance and actions. I have to take some steps to distance myself from her I think.

The person who said you shouldn't have a boyfriend is way out of line. Maybe it's a good thing that they are more introspective about you now that they know your diagnosis. They may feel that in light of this their past behaviour was not acceptable. Give it some time and see how things develop.

It's similar in my family, not just the females though, my mother's side of the family in general really likes to tease and joke around and it can be fun but it can also get nasty sometimes. The men do it too though. I think the problem for me is I can handle some teasing if it is done affectionately but no one in my family really shows affection very well (or maybe that IS how they show affection, which is not my cup of tea). It just feels really mean and hurtful to me. So yeah I can be an easy target sometimes and have a hard time coming back with anything to defend myself too. But then if I try NOT to be a target they just act like I'm being difficult or being a b***h. I can't win no matter what I do so I just try to distance myself from them as much as possible. Or only deal with family one-on-one because they all act worse in a group.

Ugh that is so horrible what he said to you! Please don't believe any of that, or whatever else your family has told you about yourself.

Sometimes people try to define a person because it makes them feel more secure about themselves. So they will try to tell you, you are this or that, and put you in a certain role and try to make you act how they want. Family especially can do this and they can be downright clique-ish about it. Now that you have an asperger's diagnosis, you have something they weren't able to define about you. It is almost like someone coming in from outside and disrupting all their normal patterns by saying this thing about you. Maybe like androbot said, they are thinking it over and starting to see you differently. At some point they might try to slip back into their usual behavior with you though. Try to take advantage of this if you can to set some new boundaries with them.

One of my sisters bullied me on through to adulthood and did quite deep psychological damage to me, starting very early and culminating in the kind of harshness that's almost impossible to get over, even with therapy in which I tried to work through it.

At the same time, her being out of my life for years now is actually healthier for me than trying to have a relationship with her. Some people are too toxic to work with and you're poisoning your life by keeping them around, far more than if you make sure the damage stopped at a point in the past. I still have enough on my plate dealing with and processing the stuff up til that point, lol.

I have never been bullied by family members, but I am here to offer support and kitty hugs to those who have.

I could go on forever about my mother who everytime I've made accomplishments in my life she diminishes them. Nothing is good enough for her. Due to early misdiagnosis I never got the support I needed, had horrible reactions to being put on drugs I did not need and was never taken seriously. The women in my family have 'real' issues in their lives, they grew up, had kids and careers. I clearly do not suffer at all such as a 'real' disabled person whatever that freaking means. Whatever I do, I am not smart enough and am a drama queen. Now that I am diagnosed my sisters and mom have decided I am looking for attention. According to my mom I ruined everything, she can never have anything nice, because I exist. She never wanted to have children in the first place. She is constantly discounting the things I am good at as being easy. I am getting A average in college chem because it is easy so maybe she is right? I don't see her doing chemistry. Apparently I do not know how lucky I have it because if it wasn't for perfect feminists like her I wouldn't have it so good. I do not belong to this family of perfect elitists and honestly do not know why I bother to continuously give her chances. In her defense, no one prepared her for what to even do with a person like me and doctors during that time period basically thought that discipline and drugs would straighten me out.

My mother used to bully me to the point of emotional abuse. When called out, she would turn everything around and claim I was emotionally abusing her. I couldn't take it anymore and ran away.

I have issues with mother figures. I don't get along with my mom and female relatives, but I have a few close female friends. I think the best way is to distance yourself. It can be difficult if you are still dependent on your family. Sometimes, in situations that I could not avoid obnoxious people, I chose not to talk at all. Silence made them feel uncomfortable and they would stop.

Sorry to hear about your experiences. You deserve your family's love, not their scorn. If they have nothing meaningful or supportive to say to help you then they should keep quiet. It says a thing or two that your sister would also put up with a boyfriend as stupidly offensive as he clearly is - do bullies attract bullies, I wonder?
I am luckier, I usually get on well with the female members of my family, mostly my elder sister who has also suffered depression as I have. I come from an odd, academic family and none of us are very open and talkative in general. There was a lot of friction in the past when I was a child and teenager: like you I value honesty far above subtlety or, if I'm completely honest, tact, and it earned me a lot of brutal arguments. This did gradually change as we all matured as a family (except my father, who I suspect may have an undiagnosed mental health issue himself.)
As a family of adults we all get on a lot better, and though it isn't much comfort, there is always a chance that your own family members will get more mature in time and perhaps come to regret their prior actions. Other than that I would try not to antagonise them if it can be avoided - bullies love to get a rise out of their victim. Deny them.