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Do you want a partner?

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caffeinekid
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17 Nov 2017, 6:51 am

I've had two long term relationships that ended in disaster, so enough is enough.

If I see anyone in future, it will be in small doses - for their benefit, and for mine.


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Alita
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17 Nov 2017, 6:56 am

Embla wrote:
Well, I do have a partner, but I often wish that I didn't. Not because there's anything wrong with him, it just makes everything really complicated. Having to take another person into consideration in every detail of my life, and never being able to hold my routine because he's there interrupting all the time. I love him, but having him in my life stresses me out.
Now that we've moved apart things are better, but it still causes a lot of anxiety because he can't accept that I want to know when he comes over and how long he's going to stay. He just shows up unnoticed and leaves again whenever he feels like it. It's messing me up.

When this relationship ends (not planning on it, but statistically it will) I don't think I'll be looking for a new one.


Have you tried talking to him about it? Wouldn't he understand your need to know when/for how long he'd be coming over?


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Embla
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17 Nov 2017, 7:28 am

Alita wrote:
Embla wrote:
Well, I do have a partner, but I often wish that I didn't. Not because there's anything wrong with him, it just makes everything really complicated. Having to take another person into consideration in every detail of my life, and never being able to hold my routine because he's there interrupting all the time. I love him, but having him in my life stresses me out.
Now that we've moved apart things are better, but it still causes a lot of anxiety because he can't accept that I want to know when he comes over and how long he's going to stay. He just shows up unnoticed and leaves again whenever he feels like it. It's messing me up.

When this relationship ends (not planning on it, but statistically it will) I don't think I'll be looking for a new one.


Have you tried talking to him about it? Wouldn't he understand your need to know when/for how long he'd be coming over?


Well, I'm really new to the diagnosis, and I don't think it has sunken in for him yet, so he still has his mind set on that I just have to practice. With unexpected events just as much as public places. "Just gotta do it more and it'll go away". But I think he's getting more and more accepting of the way I am, especially now that I can explain it to him better. He just has to try and match it with his own spontaneous ways. We try to meet in the middle.



C2V
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17 Nov 2017, 8:11 pm

I'm not sure.
I'm very curious about the whole concept actually, curious about what is involved and what it would be like.
I have thought about trying it out some time, but I'm not "ready" yet. I'd need to be more before anyone could be expected to be interested in me. At the moment, conditions not impressive - physical gender transition isn't finished yet, physical goals not reached yet (I need tattoos fixed and to be much fitter!) career / job isn't sorted to satisfaction and I'm ashamed of the job I currently work, and don't even bother with my current living situation, it's humiliating.
I've had "partners" before but it was always messed up, not real relationships. They were all just f*ck buddies, really, who only wanted sex and didn't care about me as a person at all.
It might be interesting to have a real partner, when I have fixed myself up enough to feel confident about "selling" that package. I couldn't live with them, though, I don't think. Even with a partner, I would have to be on my best behaviour around them, and I can't do that all the time. I would never be comfortable with a partner seeing the realtime realities of autism without a buffer in place.


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