Aspergers is not an excuse.

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It's a theme I've noticed too even in the past - any sign of success is shot down, invalidated or dismissed on here. It hurts too close to home for some because it only reminds them of their failure to learn from their failures. Failure is a major learning tool in achieving your goals so it really shouldn't be ignored.

Some seem to hint that my AS isn't as severe or that I wouldn't have done so without my GF - however what they forget is that my GF is also on the spectrum, with her own struggles, and I can assure you that my AS definitely bites me in the arse when I think I'm doing well. However, I'm not going to stop posting on what I achieved just people some people don't like it - I honestly do think we need more to stand up and be proud of what they've achieved, no matter how big or small. The AS community is very misunderstood so having more spending saying "no actually, I have achieved this, this and this in my life despite my AS" would really help others and lessen misunderstandings, especially with NTs.

Will I "burn out"? Possibly, one day - pretty much everyone does as they get older. But I can still look back and remember what I achieved when I still had the energy to do so.

Members who are parents are sometimes the targets of prejudice and resentment too, sometimes directly and sometimes indirectly. At least the forum is relatively free of the reverse prejudice.

And NTs posting on here get flak too.

Some people might have it worse, some not - but at the end of the day, they're still human, with their own goals. I don't see the problem in encouraging them to achieve their goals.

Some NTs have trolled here, and that has a lot to do with it. We do have some wonderful NT members though, who are very well liked and who contribute wonderful posts (SocietyofAutism, Tawaki..) which are constructive, thoughtful and sensitive.

I thought waterfalls was on the spectrum?

Yes, I think I misconstrued that because Waterfalls often posted as a parent with an AS daughter, though now I see other later posts of hers from a personal AS perspective with which she identifies, so will edit.

thumbhole, you're my new hero.

I'm 8 years younger than you, but I'm already very pessimistic about my life. Right now I'm in the middle of a nervous breakdown, just because I've been outside with friends all day yesterday in a very chaotic environment, without breaks and then they tried pressuring me into going out again after a few hours. I obviously did not. I still can't calm down. I came back home and heard my dad say I should make another effort just to go out with my friends AGAIN (after 12 hours of being together non stop) and make them happy. I just decided to ignore everyone and go to sleep. I had to take an extra dose of xanax and felt like my entire body was just floating, all of this while having crippling anxiety. I still don't even have the energy to talk or get out of bed.
It's one of the worst meltdowns/shutdowns I've ever had in my life.

I'm scared to ask for help because I don't want to be blamed again and being told I am making up excuses. I haven't been formally diagnosed, I only had my therapist say it is ASD but then she did nothing else to help. No formal tests or anything by other therapists or psychiatrists.
Never been to special schools. I had to learn how to deal with stuff myself.
Family blames me more then it helps me. I also have a mood disorder which makes things worse. All I get is blame.

I'm only 23 and despite my recent graduation I feel pessimistic again because of this huge, scary meltdown. When I push myself to the limit this is what happens

The OP triggered me and I'm sure it triggered others too. Very poorly written.

I can understand where you're coming from. Sometimes, people need a break. I need a break sometimes.

I'm fortunate that I am not in a situation where I have to go to lots of parties--rather, no parties at all!

But, still....this has nothing to do with people achieving success, despite the odds.

People should never give up. They should strive to be the best they can be.

Well done on you!

I have never seen AS an excuse for things, but rather as an explanation for why things might not always be the same for as for NT peers. But, I have done well in my life even so, considering there were many extra obstacles besides AS in my life and I was late with getting awareness of AS anyway.

Keep on doing what you're doing and enjoying your time!

One thing I would like to point out is that the autistic brain tends to be slow in developing and or pruning. As a consequence of this slow development goals that may not be achievable at the age appropriate time may be achieved at a much later time in life. Some things though may never develope as expected. It is always better for parents & teachers to focus on the strengths of their autistic child or if an adult vocational training should be focused on strengths much more so than weeknesses. Weaknesses that relate to achieving goals directly related to achieving vocational success in their area of strength though do need to be addressed.

Unfortunately for me my strengths were intentionally limited by those around me that should have been helping me to achieve those things that my strengths should have supported. That is not to say however that I am not grateful to have come as far as I have.

I still have some goal that I may be able to achieve given the proper support. It won't be easy though. Getting past my extreme anxiety due to PTSD related to my difficulties in math are defiantly not easy for me to overcome. I emotionally relive the beating I took for my difficulties in algebra whenever math comes up that I haven't learned fully yet. Math that I've already learned properly up to that point I am comfortable with though I am slow due to slow processing speed.

i do not need an excuse, i'll do as i please and you will perish if you countermand me.
just keep clear and you will be OK.

I did and do not give up, and never will. I struggled and managed to graduate, and will get a second degree, hopefully. But other people can't, because they need more help and support than I do and they're not getting it or have never gotten it for one reason or another. I'd never tell them they're using their autism as an excuse. So, as thumbhole said, not everyone manages to achieve the same things in life and the title of the thread and the "using AS as an excuse" was particularly triggering because many of us hear that "don't make excuses" mantra all the time from family and friends, from people who are supposed to support us, from NT society as a whole. There are better ways to convey a positive message on this forum. This did not sound like a positive message at all. More like a lecture.

I don't go to parties often, not at all, but it was my best friend's graduation and I wanted to go. I just didn't expect what came after that, cause it wasn't planned. I ended up being stuck in a situation where I could not escape, and got insulted when I said I wanted to be left alone to sleep when they took me back home. Feeling pressured was what made me explode violently. I couldn't wait going home and just because I didn't complain or say anything cause of social pressure, friendship, being introverted (there were people I didn't know), etc it doesn't mean I didn't feel bad inside. I might lose friends for crap like this someday. It is scary. The last thing I'd want to hear is that I use my sensory issues as an excuse to not do things.

In fact....I had a meltdown and cried at home and I still feel sh***y.
I usually manage to have a pretty good self control, after all, but other people on the spectrum don't or still haven't mastered the skill, so they might find themselves being dumped by friends all the time because they snap at people much more easily than I do.

It's just MY experience, my own experience. Others struggle to maintain friendships or to attend college. I'd never tell them they use their disability as an excuse. Instead, I'd give them tips, offer to share the skills I learned without being a total dick saying they're just finding an excuse if they fail. If we folks on the spectrum don't help each other kindly, without jumping to inflammatory conclusions like "you're making things up" or "you are using autism as an excuse", who will?

Still, as thumbhole says, being optimistic while having ASD is hard, at least for me. I'm scared someday I'll be lonely, jobless and miserable. I get scared, because I know that I am mentally unstable, besides being on the spectrum, not to mention being lgbt so more likely to face discrimination and rejection or even violence. I fear myself and society. I fear the world. What if I won't be able to keep jobs because of my ASD needs? I get very paranoid about this stuff to the point of getting panic attacks. The last thing I wanted to hear is another aspie telling me I shouldn't use my disability as an excuse, as if everyone is the same way or has the same luck in life. I am receiving zero support for autism, as I'm still waiting for a complete assessment.

The way he worded things and the title itself is absolutely triggering. He sounded like those NTs who constantly tell us we are finding excuses when we say we have a hard time doing certain things like socializing or looking for jobs.

Not every aspie can do what you can do, and they shouldn't hear other aspies acting like dicks and using the same words NTs use to denigrate us and mock us.
"Excuse" is something I hear a lot from NTs, something WE all hear a lot, all the time and if you don't, then great, you have nice people around you. For some of us, the title is incredibly triggering though.

That said, ashbashbeard, congratulations. I do sincerely hope you'll be ok.
It's not a personal attack against you, but more like a rant because the title itself and the "using AS as an excuse" part was very triggering.

Besides attributing success to luck, there is also a tendency on wp to blame everything that goes wrong in one's life on autism.
All bad things are caused by autism, never by oneself.
Lack of progress is due entirely to autism, never to oneself.
I believe that autism can and sometimes does make significant contributions to things that go wrong in one's life, problems with people, lack of progress, etc.
But just as one's own actions and decisions make big contributions to successes and dealing well with problems in life, so does these make big contributions to failures and creating or continuing problems.

Several years ago, there was a thread topic about autism and vacation preferences, so I posted mine. Well, apparently, I was just having too much fun as an Aspie or was seen as too high-functioning or something ... So my post was simply deleted by some moderator or other without any advance warning to me. I never found out who deleted it nor was I given any explanation. So I left WP for a rather long time ... several years, I think. During that time, I frequented forums where I felt more comfortable and free sharing my more creative side and who I am.

I would probably be more popular around here if I posted more about my struggles, failures, and the negative things that happen in my life ... But you know what? I prefer to focus on the good things. The bad is really nobody else's business.

I have, along the way, learned to keep the really extraordinarily good news, as well as the really bad news, about myself hidden, private, and not to be shared here on Wrong Planet ... except in a Private Message to someone I trust.

So if I come across as guarded sometimes ... yes, there's a reason for it.

And yes, life is short ... best to use the time wisely.

I think it might be a good idea to create a dedicated forum on this site for autistic success stories and approaches that autistics use to get through life, together with a policy that disallows invalidation and negative comments. In such a forum it would be nice if readers had functionality to tag/rate posts with "a similar approach works for me as well", "sound's great, I'll give that a try", and "well done". This kind of functionality would encourage constructive comments and discourage the opposite.

Over time we would end up with an extremely useful collection of approaches that work well – at least for some autistics – based on first hand accounts. This would be a first step towards an autistic culture.

A dedicated forum may be essential to weed out invalidation and toxic commentary. Anyone who is currently in a bad state then has the option to ignore the "success stories" forum, and avoid feelings of frustration.

Lastly, members should still be encouraged to post positive stories on other forums, but depending on the state of mind of some readers, there will always be some risk of attracting toxic feedback.