Am I better of being single?

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but at least you don't have to put up with the nagging of anybody else.

^ Very true.

Some days I miss my ex very much and other days I hate her. Nagging? She tried to control every part of my life because she couldn't control her own.

She made all of my problems about her, which is not the correct way for me to solve my problems.

I really wish I didn't have to date girls with mental health issues such as depression but all the girls I've got in my blackbook have depression. As I said before, this is probably caused by some sort of selection bias, e.g. all the depressed girls are on dating sites and all the mentally stable girls either have boyfriends or are waiting to get picked up in clubs.

I know how you feel.

As I've said in the past, my only major issues are Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia and Asperger's, yet I end up with all the aggressive, crazy, suicidal, self-harming, miserably depressed girls with BPD/ADHD/Schizophrenia/Schizoid etc.

Why can't I ever meet any shy girls with maybe slightly depressed like me and an anxiety disorder or OCD or something but are otherwise normal and easier to deal with?

I require someone who is not negative but is positive and uplifts me.

The negativity in my family already depresses me and drags me down enough.

Even a former friend in high school said I could 'do better' than the BPD/Depressed/Learning difficulties/mentally delayed girl I dated briefly.

Last edited by Outrider on 27 Sep 2016, 4:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

also beware of borderline.

They don't just self-harm, they harm you. Not usually physically. They might do things like stand you up or refuse to see you because they have agoraphobia or get upset and crying about everything and then say they're "highly sensative".

When my ex said she's highly sensative she was just giving herself a free pass to complain about whatever she wanted. If I didn't like her idea, she said I wasn't listening. I listened to her every word and then gave her a detailed rebuttal as to why I didn't want to impliment her financial ideas on my life. She said I wasn't listening and then started crying. If she wants to do it with her finances, fine but why does she think she has a right to manage my money when she can't manage her own!

It's not usually physical but OCD? She got obsessed with her skin. Compulsive pimple popping. Fine. Whatever. It gave her perfect skin. Then she started doing it to me. Painful. Not just once or twice. Dozens of times on microscopic pimples that were too small for me to see. The pain went on and on. I told her to stop. She said just one more. I let her. Then she said just one more. I let her. Then she said just one more. I got mad at her. She said just one more. She was like a drug addict who wanted just one more hit of meth.

She actually had a really really fun personality, which would have been fine if she wasn't an incurable nutcase. She kept telling me I need a psychiatrist and I need antidepressants. Well if they didn't cure her depression why should they cure mine?

The worst thing was that I didn't like walking on eggshells around her. At least other girls are more rational about their own flaws. And I didn't like her saying I wasn't "supportive enough" of her depression when she didn't explain what I had to do and when I got depressed she said "deal with it". What a hypocrite.

Maybe I'll go back to her and maybe I won't. If I don't, she'll die alone and I'll fine someone else.

Last edited by RetroGamer87 on 27 Sep 2016, 5:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

I'm still not quite sure what BPD is.

Borderline personality disorder affects how you feel about yourself, how you relate to others and how you behave.
Signs and symptoms of borderline personality disorder may include:
• Impulsive and risky behavior, such as risky driving, unsafe sex, gambling sprees or illegal drug use
• Awareness of destructive behavior, including self-injury, but sometimes feeling unable to change it
• Wide mood swings
• Short but intense episodes of anxiety or depression
• Inappropriate anger and antagonistic behavior, sometimes escalating into physical fights
• Difficulty controlling emotions or impulses
• Suicidal behavior
• Feeling misunderstood, neglected, alone, empty or hopeless
• Fear of being alone
• Feelings of self-hate and self-loathing
When you have borderline personality disorder, you often have an insecure sense of who you are. Your self-image, self-identity or sense of self often rapidly changes. You may view yourself as evil or bad, and sometimes you may feel as if you don't exist at all. An unstable self-image often leads to frequent changes in jobs, friendships, goals and values.
Your relationships are usually in turmoil. You may idealize someone one moment and then abruptly and dramatically shift to fury and hate over perceived slights or even minor misunderstandings. This is because people with borderline personality disorder often have difficulty accepting gray areas — things seem to be either black or white.
if you know somebody that you often have to "walk on eggshells" around, that is a clue.

Watch "Fatal Attraction" and "Play Misty for Me" to get an idea of what a relationship with a borderline personality woman is like. "Single White Female" shows how they can even get attached to roommates.

Depends on your personality. You might be able to maintain a relationship with someone who requires less personal time together.

It is hard to balance full time work and a real though when you're mentally ill lol. I work 40 hours a week as a cake decorator in a bakery and it's so mismanaged that I just come home feeling dead. My schedule also clashes with my boyfriend's schedule - he has community college classes in the afternoon Monday-Thursday and has Friday-Sunday off. I work Friday-Sunday consistently. I usually get Wednesday and Thursday off lol.

I do want to spend more time with him, but given our clashing schedules and the fact that I work like 10-7 most days I don't really see him very often. On the days I work 7-4 I go see him after work, but those are rare days.

Yes, at least in most cases, you are better off being single. Being in a relationship can be stressful for anyone. However, I think for people with AS, it is often a source of constant conflict. It has been said many times before, the AS person can work on themselves and try and learn or adjust to become a better partner, but that can't change the fact that their brains are hard-wired differently than NTs. You can't fake your way through an intimate relationship forever, it's not realistic.

If you can find a partner who accepts you for who you are, warts and all, and doesn't harbour any secret hope to change you, then (and only then) the relationship has the potential for long-term success.

Being single sucks sometimes, but compared to what? Being divorced? Having kids who you never get to see? Losing your life savings in a break-up? I'll take my freedom, money, and sanity over chasing the fading mirage of "True love".

Such people do exist. I have been married to one for almost 17 years. I am now starting to see what a true blessing that is, because these forums make it sound like those are kind of rare people, at least when it comes to dealing with Aspies. I am also learning more and more about how different and eccentric I am compared to mainstream guys.

I didn't have too many previous relationships, and that bums me out from time to time, but at least I never had a relationship with crazy. I don't handle drama well, and I also don't handle rejection well. Having to try to deal with a crazy girlfriend who played on my emotions and did mind games on me might well have driven me to suicide when I was drinking and drugging. I wasn't very far away from it them as it was.

I had relationships with a few "crazy" girls. They didn't turn out too well.

Professor John: the Mantra----Quality over quantity any day!

I just talked with a friend of mine who is 100% NT and who has had a lot of different relationships. He said he has had a couple of relationships with crazy, and it is definitely better to be by yourself than in one of those.

Not many NT's are in happy relationships anymore either. It's just the times we're living in.

Only you can answer this question.

aside from agape and that special love between mother and child, love seems at best, to be illusory and fleeting.