Alexithymia?

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Trying to figure out if I'm alexithymic. Reading alexithymia forums and just finished Jason Thompson's Emotionally Dumb: an Overview of Alexithymia. Supposedly high alexythima traits are hugely comorbid (like 50%) with aspergers/autism but I'm a little confused.

* For instance supposedly alexes are really unimaginative but I think of aspies as unusually creative people

* I read that alexes like strict rules, regulations, and social conformity. Ive heard people say aspies like lots of rules too but the aspies Ive known have been mostly nonconformists. Likewise alexes are supposedly "boring". Okay I've known some boring aspies but others have been much more interesting than NTs

* "Stimulus-bound"/"Externally oriented" cognitive style. Definitely not most aspies Ive known. Most of us are stuck in our heads and tend to overtheorise

* Difficulty describing feelings to complete unawareness of feelings produced by physiological emotions. Okay this seems the core of alexithymia and the part which makes complete sense. This describes a lot of aspies I know and may explain why I've known people who self-describe as unemotional while clearly having emotional motivation in terms of their motives/behaviours

* Not recognising emotions is others. Okay I get this one. Actually it sounds like a lot of the face-blindness stuff people think is autism may be comorbid alexithymia.

* Not physically comfortable with sexuality. I don't know. This describes some aspies I knew including a friend and a guy I dated once.

Personally I'm highly imaginative, nonconformist, and hate rules and structure. I'm hypersexual. I had to learn reading emotions. I don't think I'm especially unaware of my feelings (I think I just don't have many feelings) but how would I know if I were? So confused here if half of aspies are alexes and autism spectrum people seem a significant component of alexithymic people how what I'm reading can be accurate. What I've read in this book and various journals seems to describe people on the online forums pretty well but not aspies/auties I've known, despite alexythimia supposedly being very overlapping with Aspergers.

If you're an alexithymic aspie could I ask what it's like for you? Is the bulleted stuff accurate and do the shrinks know what they're talking about?

Alexithymia is not recognizing emotions and tends to have atypical emotion feelings. Not that there is no emotions so you can still tell your emotions are there.

Hi!

I'm very alexithymic. Here is what it's like for me: I find it really difficult to identify emotions in myself. Physical manifestations of anxiety or depression (gastrointestinal, muscle tension, headaches, etc) would be present but recognizing why I am feeling these because of feeling anxious or otherwise does not occur easily or it takes me a long time.

I try to understand these emotions cognitively which exhausts me. Recognizing others emotions is also difficult for me. I think the worst part of it is with positive emotions and establishing close relationships. I keep relationships superficial but I don't think it is something I chose but a consequence.

I don't know how this topic came to you but if you are undergoing psychotherapy, I would love to hear what your experience has been in addressing this. I wonder if it is worthwhile exploring myself or whether it is something that can be worked on. Sigh. I certainly hope so.

Very best,

I think this one may depend, like a lot of things, on how one defines "creative." An alexithymic may be a "creative" problem solver because they are able to asses a situation pragmatically and not respond typically to emotional input. They may appreciate the patterns of music, for example, and find composing it an intellectual exercise and be appreciative of the precision and structure, without necessarily "creating" a piece of music out of an emotional motivation. People can be creative in lots of ways. An alexithymic may just not have emotional motivations behind it.


Again, this seems generalised. An alexithymic may appreciate the "rules" inherent in emotional ways that they cannot interpret in the same way autistics appreciate rules so they can anticipate situations. For example an alexithymic may appreciate situations where unwritten rules prevent exposure to a lot of emotionality - you wouldn't expect someone to start a fight in a library or start crying in a restaurant. Emotions in these situations will usually be kept in check. Many alexithymics also tend to be logically pragmatic. As such, if the rule achieved the most beneficial outcome in the most efficient manner, I assume an alexithymic would see nothing wrong with following it. If however it didn't, or they disagreed ideologically, ethically or just practically, there would equally be no reason to have to follow it, aside from a possible consideration of the consequences, risks and benefits of deviance.
Also "boring" would depend on your perspective. Yes they may indeed be emotionally "flat" or clueless, but that doesn't stop them from being intelligent, creative in certain ways, displaying interest or having experiences like anyone else.


Not so sure about this one either. I would possibly classify a typical autistic special interest as "externally oriented." And what is "stimulus bound" meant to even mean? I have also observed that many alexithymics have to put more thought and analysis into things, because many cannot react with emotional instinct to fill in the gaps. You actually have to cognitively process it.


Yar. I get this almost completely. Someone recently asked me if my autism also caused anxiety, and I had to reply that if I was anxious, I'd be the last to know about it, even if it was completely screwing up my efforts to do anything. I can't perceive or understand.


Again, yup. There is also very little fellow feeling with me - it always shows this up when someone describes some feeling as "something we all feel, that makes us human, binds us together, etc." Ummm...


Definitely true for me - I think this may be partially because of being trans, though. Still, being sexual seems to require a high level of very intuitive and unchecked emotion and the lack of it creeps other people out as it apparently translates to vacancy and disconnection.


Some of the points I can see the similarities in, but they are very over-simplified in my opinion. Just like autism manifests in many ways, as does alexithymia - alexithymic A may be emotionally expressive all over the place, their emotions volatile and uneven, and just be completely unable to understand what is going on with them or how to control these emotions. Alexithymic B may be essentially unemotional, never introspective, and may be callous and clueless. Alexithymic C may just be blind to their own emotions and those of others - still getting all the effects and problems associated with emotional response, but unable to recognise it. Other than that, "what it's like" may need more specific questions.

StationEleven and C2V--Thank you both very much for your response -- this is very helpful.

Where this is is coming from. I'm completely convinced I'm Asperger's syndrome including usual social deficits and sensory processing issues. I'm also really unemotional in ways autism in itself doesn't explain. After extensive research I'm sure I've eliminated all other options and I'm either an aspie alexithymic or an aspie sociopath. I think I'm an aspie sociopath -- but I'm not quite 100% sure. Statistically there should be something like 50 alexithymic autistics for every 1 psychopathic autistic so I want to be certain I'm right.

Okay, is this alexithymia?

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I'm much less emotional that most people including most aspies (i've known 20+ aspies well personally). I don't *think* I have trouble identifying my emotions. I don't seem to get some emotions at all -- I don't care about other people and don't feel guilt, compassion, kindness, or gratitude. Many of the rest are pretty weak and don't influence my decisions. However, when I do get emotions, they don't seem particularly hard to identify or understand. If I'm angry at someone I know exactly who I'm angry against and why right now and feel it in my brain and my body immediately and intensely (sometimes it vanishes quickly sometimes not). Same for excitement -- if I'm happy I know exactly why and I feel bouncy and jump up and down like some aspies. I love thrills and excitement and again these emotions feel crisp, clear, and direct. Same with anxiety and depression --- I'm less anxious and depressed than most people but when I get these emotions I know what they are/why pretty well (if the cause of these emotions stops like finance problems get fixed I'm fine immediately and know it(. There are certainly times I don't understand my emotions but I think it's either not more than most people or maybe slightly more. I can sometimes figure out other people's emotions when they can't and work them through stuff they won't admit to themselves.

I'm definitely imaginative -- I create original fantasy stories for fun and I'm an entertaining storyteller and voice actress (it's actually how I keep my closest friends). I'm highly abstract philosophical and introspective but it did take me a long time to realise thinking differently from people was a neuroscience thing. My values are selfish and materialistic but I'm not always a practical person cause I find reading, theory, ideas, science, art more interesting than is really good for me. I'm slightly better at reading people than average if I consciously pay attention but slightly worse than average if I don't. I'm definitely not face blind and people watching has become a special interest for me but I had to learn reading people consciously over time as an adult. I have zero inhibitions clearly expressing myself in fact I'm overdramatic almost histrionic (partially cause I like attention/partially to get people interested and it helps me dominate a room) but a lot of emotions I express are faked or exaggerated. As aspies go I'm pretty social and people tell me my personality is better than neurotypical average but I don't enjoy human company unless it's entertaining or gets me something. I'm not uncomfortable with others being emotional -- actually it's kinda fascinating to watch. I used to handle these situations awkwardly but these days I'm glad when others show strong unambiguous emotions because it lets me know exactly what to say to make them like me (comforting someone whose husband died convincingly is a great way to bond if they don't know its an act). As long as the emotions aren't like a hate thing against me which there's no way to deal with except try to politics them out of the room

I'm very sexual. I have a partner + lots of friends with benefits and Imma go online for kinky casual sex as soon as i get some fetish gear. Sex isn't necessarily *emotionless* for me. It's not about caring or connecting cause i don't do that. But I feel emotions about excitement, thrill, success, power and that can be as satisfying as a good f**k. I take lots of drugs which I read is both an alex and a socio thing. I do have unexplained health problems (chronic urinary urge and frequency) which could be caused by emotions I don't feel but my current guess is they are sensory sensitivity issues (since they've been persistent for a decade with only weak improvement as my life has become happier otherwise no relation to things which should cause emotions AFAICT). I like conflict (sometimes self-destructively) and I've enjoyed the few physical violence situations I've been in as some of the best memories of my life

I'm definitely callous. I watch people or animals suffer and I don't care. Conventional "morality" seems arbitrary to me -- why do other people matter and why not just take what you can? I don't feel guilty if I hurt people and have hurt/manipulated people to get what I want sometimes in the past (I'm not very *good* at manipulating people but I try and am working on getting better). I'm completely selfish and not being completely selfish doesn't make sense to me. Pretty much identify with the Satanist motto "do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law"

I don't know whether I'm emotionally "flat". People describe me as lively and exciting and when they do I'm having real fun but I'm putting effort into staging a performance. I'm emotionally flat *about other people* and I get very bored if nothing's happening but I'm always the person pushing the edge at parties. My idea of fun would be group sex dropping acid in a public park for three hours at noon. I get thrown out of a lot of places if you can believe that
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Okay, sorry for the monologue.. I just want to know if this sounds like alexithymia to you? More specifically (1) could these personality characteristics possibly be coexistent with high levels of alexithymia and (2) could possibly be explained by high levels of alexithymia alone without also being pretty sociopathic?

Thank you. I may be seeing a therapist because an aspergers diagnosis might help me get medicine for sensory issues. If I do I'll probably write about the experience here and I'll drop you a note.

I've been reading that you can do therapy to get in touch with your emotions. It's supposedly a slow process but gradual reintroduction to physical intimacy is supposed to help. If Thompson is correct there apparently exists both primary and secondary alexithymia. The primary variety's a stable genetic personality trait but the secondary variety is caused by socialisation or trauma and can be helped by treatment

I too asked this question of a counsellor. I must be of the primary variety, as when I asked if there was any way to alter this, the answer was no.
As to the rest of your description though, it reads as pretty textbook sociopath to me. But I'm no expert.
You seem pretty articulate in your understanding of what you're feeling, and why.
A few things that stick out from an alexithymic perspective - the ability to emotionally manipulate others. Even neurotypical people with normal emotional capabilities cannot do this, it is such a difficult skill. It requires quite sophisticated levels of recognising emotions, understanding emotions, some degree of empathy (being able to understand how that emotion is experienced by someone else) and predicting behaviour based on an understanding of how emotions affect that behaviour, as well as an emotional desire to benefit from the manipulation, and feelings of satisfaction and pleasure when you do. All of this is hallmark impossible for most alexithymics.
There is some degree of overlap - many alexithymics relate that feeling things like direct and immediate anger is easiest because of its strength. But the deliberate thrill seeking and ability to feel clearly and identify, plus consciously seek out the emotions you describe - domination and power, thrill, pleasure, excitement, satisfaction - would be all unclear and in many cases unwelcome to many alexithymics. Without being able to experience those emotions clearly, if at all, it would make no sense logically to pursue something you cannot experience. Alexithymia in a textbook case would make you incapable of experiencing, or at least of identifying, processing, and understanding, many of those emotional states.
What interests me in the comparison between alexithymia and psychopathy has always been ethics, which you describe as morality. I don't really understand what morality is - but ethics is a deliberate cognitive decision. I have a strong sense of ethics, simply because I don't have much else. If I didn't have carefully considered ethics, and lacking normal emotional instincts, I would have nothing on which to base my behaviour. Psychopaths alternatively seem to be driven by emotional desire - just different emotions than most people.
Similarities may be the lack of emotional experience in things like kindness, gratitude, etc. I don't experience those things emotionally either, but my ethical structure dictates behaviour in accordance with these ideals, that I have decided are correct (or "skilful" as my spiritual teachers would say). I often wonder if I would feel anything about the harming of others emotionally - but luckily I don't know, as my ethics preclude violence. Many sociopaths, in comparison, experience pleasure - a clear and identifiable emotional response - from violence which would be inaccessible to me. I have no objective reason to harm anyone, as I may in fact feel nothing anyway if I did, and it would be against my ethics to do so. Another thing about alexithymic ethics is they remain, regardless of outside input. Emotional sway doesn't change them - for example, I don't condone harming other beings on an ethical basis. This would remain constant, regardless of the actions of that being. The emotional complications of anger, hate, or feelings of revenge or feeling like they deserved it, which may influence the behaviour of an emotional person, is irrelevant to me.
This was all considered when ironically enough I was being tested for psychopathy. Turns out I don't have enough of an emotional awareness for it. Hence the autistic alexithymia.
PS - I think there seems to be much confusion between these two things, which make people uncomfortable with alexithymia (I'm looking at you, Nurse Angela ) as they think alexithymia and psychopathy are the same thing. They're not. They may share similarities, but the internal processing and behaviour of the two is often very different.

Thank you so much -- this is utterly fascinating.

I'm not putting too much weight on my ability to manipulate here. I'm an aspie and a secondary psychopath -- to put it bluntly I'm not that good. But honestly I'm not sure all manipulation is that hard. A lot of it is cognitive -- it's just planning. Its going into a social scene and making figuring out the power dynamics the first priority after impression management. There are plenty of autistic people fighting bloody social media wars who may not be good with emotions in person but can assemble alliances, inflame anger, coordinate social targeting while pretending its spontaneous, and force people out of society by finding emotional vulnerabilities or trashing someones image. Or -- if someone loves you and needs to believe you love them back you can be pretty clumsy understanding people and still get them to do what you want.

Even when the issue is emotional sometimes its not complicated. One of my fave memories from year was when some guy catcalled me when I was coming out of a shopping mall. I was dressed up --- he was overweight, sloppy, and his hair was a mess, and he wasn't moving in any particular direction. I didn't need a good look at his face to get "very unemployed" and no one harasses girls on the street looking like that unless they have humiliation deficits to cover. So I just stopped, turned my head without moving my feet, looked him down like I was seeing something obvious to everyone. "You're poor... and... unhappy." Then walked off like he didn't exist, and the guy freaked out lumbering after me shouting "hey... wait... come back!! !" desperate to have his human dignity back and acknowledged. That took ten seconds. If you just watch people they will tell you themselves what their insecure about.

I'm pretty sure most neurotypicals figure this stuff out before I did even if they don't always consciously use it the same way. Actually I think neurotypicals are constantly manipulating each other (and themselves!!) their just not aware of it and make (to me) arbitrary distinctions between "bad" manipulation and their kind of "good" manipulation which is just as selfish and has just as bad results but is okay because it's not consciously calculated. I mean who didn't pretend to be sick to get out of school and get your mom to bring you toast in bed? (hmm maybe thats why I get good feels every time I make toast)



So what is it like going through the day without emotional states to pursue and enjoy? This hits a personal note because I've long thought that people get it wrong calling psychopaths and sociopaths unemotional cause we dont feel social emotions -- which pretty much says social emotions are the only emotions that count and some emotions are more emotional than others. But it seems like you are closer to what it would really be like having no emotions. Is that... bad? I mean what do you live for? I imagine having no emotions and I picture myself living purely for eating tasty food but even as I say that I realise some of what i get out of food is this little thrill of selfishness and success. Without that--- f**k I know how I get bored in my emotional desert is it even worse for you?

I think I know an alexithymic aspie. His abusive/controlling mom died recently and I remember calling him on the phone and saying okay I respect (actually I don't but anyway) if you felt you couldn't be free to be your own person while your mom was alive but now that her funeral is over why not break free and live your life and enjoy yourself (he's in his 50s). And he said -- he said he literally didnt know what pursuing his own happiness would be like. I didn't know what to make of it at the time I thought it was just the product of a lifetime of really conservative religious indoctrination but I now think no --- he's just like that. Dear f**k. He says he's never experienced love which confused me because he is so not psychopathic at all. He's spent his whole life dutifully doing what other people want and helping others and fulfilling their needs. He's super ethical and actually hes part of my inner circle since I actually believe I can depend on him to help if get into trouble. I call him up every couple of weeks cause no one else does.

I also think I have a friend whose both mildly alexithymic and a classic primary psychopath (and I'm suddenly understanding why it's possible I'm not badly losing that relationship). Actually this whole construct is explaining so much in my life wow thank you so much.



Yeah I agree with you. Although keep in mind I'm a sociopath which means I'm more "human" with messier emotional edges than a psycho. That said FTR psychopaths and sociopaths can have cognitive ethics too. Actually this is really illuminating because I did have or think I had an ethical system for awhile but it was not only really selfish (basically just everybody should be selfish like me and it will all work out) but it lost to my desires in practice every time there was a conflict. I stole thousands worth from my first two employers the first time I was given a chance and just ignored the conflict. The more I realised other people didn't think rationally like me I just dropped the ethics even cognitively. Today I have a different kind of cognitive ethics I put in place to just keep my from ruining my life by being stupid. I stole a guy's cellphone took it home realised it could be traced called and faked superapologies (which caused the guy to bond with me from the experience!! LOL!! !). After that I decided to make personal rules against not hurting people who dont hurt me unless the payoff is enormous or Ive carefully thought it over before cause Ill perform better if I dont let myself make spot judgment calls. Anyway I know one psycho (the semi-alex I talked about) and he has a minimal generic secular liberal ethic and another who is a Marxist/feminist whose intersection between her selfish materialism and conscious values is... odd.



Yeah I can relate to that. When I think about criminal justice systems Im actually pretty humane and liberal because I dont feel any moral judgmental feelings cause someones a rapist or murderer or whatever. I just see it as an efficiency question of how to minimise further harm at the least cost and like Norwegian open air prisons do a better job than some sadistic American three strikes rapehole. On the other hand I don't care much about capital punishment except as a social signal issue because I don't have a problem with killing people. Things just change when someone threatens me (or someone I've internally declared "mine" and not okay to mess with). Then I want to destroy people into bleeding wrecks of human suffering but I don't pretend it's about "justice" which isn't a concept that makes sense to me

So let me ask. You've heard the classical ethics question "why be moral"? (my answer: "beats me") Well let me ask you the opposite question "why not be amoral"? I mean I get if you don't get the thrill or aggression emotions I get but why not steal to get nice things? Surely you enjoy good air conditioning and tasty food? Long life and security? I mean if you don't like stealing how about taking a well-paying job with Evil Inc? I'm just a medium-functioning sociopath doing a so-so job of integrating into society but I'm sure you know lots of lawyers and bankers and politicians and s**t are psychopaths. And I hear that sometimes institutions with wealth and power do bad things. I bet you could get well paid for being good at speculating in commodity futures or doing management work for an oppressive government or fudging emissions numbers for a fossil fuel company see: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tqXzAUaTUSc (do you feel humour?) Or I don't know or you get the idea. Why not do it? Is it just the psychological benefits are low enough you might as well "do good" because you don't care that much. Or do you have some kind of cognitive reward for being true to your ethics? I can imagine being anchoured to ethics by a pride/honour emotions -- but I don't think you get that and you can have pride as a pirate too.

This is so interesting. I came here just to figure myself out but this is really expanding my world. I do appreciate.

Last edited by OdysseusNemo on 24 Sep 2016, 3:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I can usually recognise when I am feeling euphoric, downbeat, depressed etc. But understanding why I feel this way is ordinarily impossible for me to decipher. It's as if a crucial part of my brain is missing.

Thread hijack!

That may be true for some autistics. Dogs with bones. However from the alexithymic perspective there would be no reason to do this. Assembling groups, inflaming anger, attacking vulnerabilities or trashing images - I don't understand the point of this. The reason for it. I dismiss this sort of thing as irrelevant. Ethically I would interpret this to be incorrect action, as in this way, I don't believe in harming other beings and this may plausibly harm them.
As for manipulating people who love me - no one loves an alexithymic, it seems. Much like psychopathy can (not sure on sociopathy) it tends to creep people out and they stay away. But even if they did, I would be uncomfortable with that regard being directed at me. I don't understand it, can't return it, and can't predict how that will make them behave toward me.

Agreed - it seems to me sociopaths and psychopaths do feel, just feel differently and have different reactions to those feelings. Me - I don't know. That's rather the point. I don't know what it feels like not to feel much in particular or what feelings feel like. I tend to function at a reasonable equilibrium, a cheerful neutral. I'm fine with that. What emotional states do disturb my equanimity - I don't like it. I'd rather it didn't happen. But I have goals like anyone else, intellectual interests, pursuits. I have to survive and support myself and have some kind of life. I suppose I keep living because there isn't any good reason not to, and I have things to do.

I don't know exactly. Ethics is my only answer for that. It's not an emotional validation for following them as I don't understand that, but I have cognitively and philosophically decided what I believe to be the correct course of action / conduct, that I determine to follow in advance, after careful consideration of many different beliefs over many years. If I suddenly decided to act amorally, against my predetermined ethics, it would be difficult for me to understand how to operate. I would be rudderless, with no structure to guide me. Without the emotional validations you describe to encourage and justify the behaviour, it would all be too nonsensical. Just a chaotic mess without reason or purpose. I suppose I'd just freeze up because I would have no idea what to do.
The awareness of consequences also applies - society inflicts punishments for behaviour deemed unacceptable. Punishments which would not benefit me if applied. It makes sense to avoid the behaviour that attracts punishment without a better reason to risk it.
An alexithymic I maintain can be just as "nice" or otherwise as anyone else. They just have different motivations behind the behaviour you see, much like sociopaths do.

I seem to derive pleasure from upsetting people. Is this normal? Whenever annoyance, irritation or even hatred towards me transpires I feel more human.

LOL nope. Anything on this thread which enlightens me is legit. I, the OP, decree it so!
Thanks so much for taking the time to talk here this has been one of the most helpful discussions in months



People like a bad b***h. They also avoid and devalue you. It's complicated. But even badly masked sociopaths get treated better than aspies thats for sure. I sometimes wear a power suit and flaunt my antisocial traits cause masking as NT tends to make people see my aspieness. And frankly im beginning to think half the prejudice against aspies is about mistaking alex stuff for aspie stuff and then confusing both unfelt emotions, unshown emotions, cognitive empathy failure for affective empathy failure. And faking affective empathy is easily the easiest part of masking even for me. You guys are getting the s**t socios and psychos deserve but can usually dodge. Er... sorry I think all this NT stuff is s**t too

Incidentally most people don't understand the difference between socios and psychos (and generic antisocial personalities) and the professional shrinks and the antisocial community are both a mess over the issue



IDK. I bet an alexithymic whose a vulnerable-looking attractive blonde single girl in her 20s with white picket fence socioeconomic markers will get lots of love no matter what her emotions are. Love's just a chemical response to looks and situations really



What about a structured and systematic ethical belief system which is selfish or callous or abusive? Say Ayn Randism or Machiavellianism or Stalinism or Nazism or Chinese Legalism. i mean if you feel uncomfortable without an integrated system okay but you can have that and not be conventionally moral. What makes your ethics feel "correct" to you? Honestly curious (and I've met several likely alexithymic aspies with similar approaches to yours). Do you think there's an unfelt emotion guiding you to choose structures which have some ethical drive built into them?

I think I may have known some alexes or alex/aspies who adopted really severe forms of utilitarianism or communism and we're as ready to hurt people(including themselves) for the common good as I am for my own benefit. This may be related (not endorsing the viewpoint just saying its interesting): http://www.theamericanconservative.com/ ... rre-aspie/



Do you think it's this outside pressure which sets the background conditions or first draft for your chosen ethical structure?

What would you do if society expected you to conform to things which were absolute abnegations or violations of yourself? What if say you lived in a highly racist society which expected you to habitually demean others to be socially accepted and avoid constant social friction?



Absolutely believe you. I don't really value "nice" but there are completely pro-social psychopaths so I don't doubt you can play as nice as you want to.

It's totally normal

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtYzsRMaQpo

Ah, but that is a complicated situation which ironically, the absence of understanding emotions only exacerbates. For example, I used to be considered very attractive before I fixed it. Others constantly wanted sex from me. However I'm not interested in sex so when I refused, hostilities ensued. As far as I could understand, being attractive only served you if you were willing to have sex and use it for manipulation. I wasn't sophisticated enough in understanding it all to be capable of this. Thus, all good looks got me was trouble. Hence part of the reason I fixed it. It's less trouble being unattractive.

It's definitely interesting. I had this discussion with a satanist once. I agree that one can have an ethical system that is as unconventionally moral (or apparently amoral) as is possible. Because such a system still supports beliefs, standards, etc. I can understand a structured system that is different to my own and be accommodating (which incidentally baffles people of a normal makeup who instantly make an emotional decision about how "bad" others of different ethos are). I will likely simply disagree and decline to participate. And were my own formative circumstances different, I may indeed have built up a different structure, based on different foundations. The psychological origins are unclear. This is also true for anyone though, alexithymic or not, in forming their values. There may well be an emotional underpinning, but then again I wouldn't know. I suppose what makes my ethical structure seem correct includes consideration on what kind of philosophy is sustainable, of the most benefit to myself and all life, while still making sense rationally, logically, scientifically to an extent, and practically. What are the ethical codes of the people I prefer? What sorts of ethics have I observed which lead to undesirable ends for those practicing them and the wider world? These sorts of considerations may have contributed. Also, many apparently amoral systems such as nazism mentioned above still have moral judgements of their own that make no sense - Jewish people are not factually a lower form of life, for example. I would find it difficult to practice a form of ethics I know to be factually incorrect. But there's much more to it.

Weirdly enough, I'm a nonconformist. Practically everything about the surrounding social structure is contrary to my beliefs. I'm autistic, alexithymic and introverted, transgender, legally genderless, physically genderqueer, nomadic, non-materialistic, environmentally inclined politically, and my religious beliefs are a tiny minority in my current country. In a sense, I already live in that world. I may be proverbially shaking my fist at the sky because there is no way the world will ever see things my way, but I am equally capable of abiding by my own sense of what is correct, even if it is practically all outside social norm. Were I living in a fascist society (well, a more fascist society anyway) I would likely be smuggling undesirable people to the underground railway in my root cellar.
But the same question could really apply to your ethos, too - would you consent to behave in a traditionally moral, conservative, "nice," kind, helpful, compassionate way if that also got you what you wanted and achieved your own ends with minimal resistance? Is violence or harming other people required in of itself, for its own sake, when other means would serve your ends just as well?

What did you do to make yourself unattractive?

^ Switched my gender into neutral. It was a rather convenient byproduct of being trans. You be surprised how many people require a clearly identifiable physical gender for their neurones to connect and arrive at "attractive."