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Ecomatt91
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10 Oct 2016, 2:03 am

Hi all,

Haven't been posting here for a while. I had couple of dates but they are both two girls who are older than 10 years than me. I am 25 and they are 38. Didn't work out because the age felt me badly as we have completely different energy and outlook. It makes me feel like I am 10 years older than my age and I am not stopping yet. I want to enjoy as a young person traveling around the world meeting deaf communities and experience sustainable communities like cycling in Denmark and Netherlands etc.

I don't have a job, so that might turn women away because they assume my autistic behaviour makes me unemployable. I wondered the world of having two academic degrees with 4th percentile of academic grades which is way above average. Like women reject me like employers does judge my communication and social skills rather than my values, talents, outlooks and intelligence.

I am always wondered of finally getting a girlfriend, like finally getting a job!



HelloSweetie
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10 Oct 2016, 3:39 am

Ecomatt91 wrote:
Haven't been posting here for a while. I had couple of dates but they are both two girls who are older than 10 years than me. I am 25 and they are 38. Didn't work out because the age felt me badly as we have completely different energy and outlook. It makes me feel like I am 10 years older than my age and I am not stopping yet. I want to enjoy as a young person traveling around the world meeting deaf communities and experience sustainable communities like cycling in Denmark and Netherlands etc.


What's stopping you from doing that? You will probably meet people that are alike and enjoy spending time with.

When socializing imho one should do it gradually. Gather skills slowly by practicing with people irl that you share something in common. Or online like this forum.

A gf is just waaaaaaay out there if you haven't got the basics down first.
(don't say you don't but I can't see examples above on how your interactions/date went and your level of skills, so maybe providing some context and examples could give you more useful replies)



Ecomatt91
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10 Oct 2016, 5:50 am

HelloSweetie wrote:
Ecomatt91 wrote:
Haven't been posting here for a while. I had couple of dates but they are both two girls who are older than 10 years than me. I am 25 and they are 38. Didn't work out because the age felt me badly as we have completely different energy and outlook. It makes me feel like I am 10 years older than my age and I am not stopping yet. I want to enjoy as a young person traveling around the world meeting deaf communities and experience sustainable communities like cycling in Denmark and Netherlands etc.


What's stopping you from doing that? You will probably meet people that are alike and enjoy spending time with.

When socializing imho one should do it gradually. Gather skills slowly by practicing with people irl that you share something in common. Or online like this forum.

A gf is just waaaaaaay out there if you haven't got the basics down first.
(don't say you don't but I can't see examples above on how your interactions/date went and your level of skills, so maybe providing some context and examples could give you more useful replies)


Stopping me? I thought I did meet people that alike me like common interests and values. We ended up friends instead. I don't read social cues and that because I am blind to that. I had psychologists for 7 years, and 8th year is coming up starting this Friday with a new and 16th psychologist in my life. I have done everything, and I had to accept myself I can't change the way who I am because of my disabilities which structures my communication and social strategies.

What basics down first? What you mean by that?



Alliekit
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10 Oct 2016, 5:54 am

I cannot help with the gf but there are some companies that help autistics get employed either by liasing with companies or training for job interviews.

Purely out of curiousity may I ask what your degrees are in?



Outrider
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10 Oct 2016, 6:14 am

He's an environmental scientist degree graduate, has been to psychologists for several years, has several friends and is a part of many social groups and sports meetup groups, has travelled countries all over the world, I think he made a humanitarian effort in a poor country, well-dressed, polite, confident, has been trying to overcome his communication issues, and presented multiple speeches and seminars in front of several hundreds of people.

All this and he cannot get a job or girlfriend.

He is a very impressive and successful aspie, it's a darn shame he hasn't been able to snag himself a nice woman.



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10 Oct 2016, 7:03 am

Outrider wrote:
He's an environmental scientist degree graduate, has been to psychologists for several years, has several friends and is a part of many social groups and sports meetup groups, has travelled countries all over the world, I think he made a humanitarian effort in a poor country, well-dressed, polite, confident, has been trying to overcome his communication issues, and presented multiple speeches and seminars in front of several hundreds of people.

All this and he cannot get a job or girlfriend.

He is a very impressive and successful aspie, it's a darn shame he hasn't been able to snag himself a nice woman.


It is... hm... 'snag' might be the problem here. Can you buy one? :lol: (sorry a bit of Tony Attwood humor)

With my question I meant literally: why can't you enjoy as a young person traveling around the world meeting deaf communities and experience sustainable communities like cycling in Denmark and Netherlands etc.?

What goes wrong in your interactions?
What goes well?

What did the 15 psychologists have to offer in terms of actual feedback on your level of social skills?
What will the 16th?
Are you being honest about your challenges? Or pulling a 'Mr. Robot'?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLo-XXvFn2k

Did you actually asked your dates how they've experienced the date?

I am not talking about changing yourself. I am talking about how flexible are you in terms of learning?
Even social cues can be learned.
Everyone can learn. Obviously, otherwise you wouldn't have so many degrees.
Some stuff is just more difficult.

Saw a cool TedTalk about that:
TEDxVictoria - Jim Tanaka. Facing up to Autism: New Tools for Different Minds
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QfKAMJfae4

Yeah and what Alliekit says.



Ecomatt91
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10 Oct 2016, 10:55 pm

Because it involves money and I don't have one. That why being unemployed is huge struggle.

I believe a job and getting a girlfriend are usually difficult for an aspie male like myself. Its quite obvious when I don't realise myself I have challenges until when people reflects my behaviour and make a comment on this. It confuses me and I wondered what I did is wrong.

The psychologists always teach me the theories of social and communication skills. Again they kept telling me I will get a job and girlfriend. I think the problem is they are not in same environment as me like where they are present in my situation.

For the dates they said it went good but the problem is huge age gap because energy is huge difference. I wanted someone in my own age where we equally have same energy level. I always wanted to travel with significant other before getting married and settled in.

I don't understand what is wrong being an aspie by people kept saying I am smart, wise, talented, intelligent and happy guy. It seems they speak about it but not making direct actions of accepting it. I think the Gen-Y is being lost and confused of what they say out of their mouths and don't act on it in reality.

The Scope, is a disability organisation from the UK made an article on other day saying that at least 20% of people age between 18 and 34 don't know how to speak and hang out with people who have disabilities. I find this is so true because my peers never made direct actions with me. Hence living in lost generation.



Evolare
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10 Oct 2016, 11:14 pm

My x is 8 years older... I've dated one girl and I'm 29.
The pressure there is real... Our exespeciations in comparison are so dramatically different enough as it is but the age gap just complicates further... And believe me... I love her... to this day...
We are picky....right....
You just gotta be patient and to surround yourself with people like yourself.
Why I got into rock climbing :)


Youll find her... somethings just happen, brother.



Alliekit
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11 Oct 2016, 4:55 am

What is your second degree?

Also if your and enviromentail scientist you could always find a job as a lab tech to start. There are always plenty of akward people in labs.

I have worries about how I will do in the future in regards to jobs and interviews so i understand your concern. I dont want my PhD to be useless :(



Ecomatt91
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11 Oct 2016, 6:22 am

I did Master of Environmental Management, my GPA was 6.0 with my final thesis scored a perfect 7. I am smart, intelligent and wise. I can act like Spock but I am being myself.

I am trying to be patient but I am worried about my mental health stigma where ASD gives me anxiety and depression because of stigma and marginalisation. Thus employers and finding girlfriend equally disadvantaged. I want both of them because it helps my life and health.

I don't know what is going on with current generation. It seems attracting to social perfection rather than balance of those. I am confident in social environment, but I always see people including my own friends aren't so confident as me speaking and hanging out with me.

I believe the Gen-Y and millennials are struggling with technology superficial values and competitive human race issues. Like losing virginity as early as much to peer pressure like a competition. No one understands this. My psychologists explained this to me. They said I am not the problem, its them.



Alliekit
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11 Oct 2016, 7:07 am

Ecomatt91 wrote:
I did Master of Environmental Management, my GPA was 6.0 with my final thesis scored a perfect 7. I am smart, intelligent and wise. I can act like Spock but I am being myself.

I am trying to be patient but I am worried about my mental health stigma where ASD gives me anxiety and depression because of stigma and marginalisation. Thus employers and finding girlfriend equally disadvantaged. I want both of them because it helps my life and health.

I don't know what is going on with current generation. It seems attracting to social perfection rather than balance of those. I am confident in social environment, but I always see people including my own friends aren't so confident as me speaking and hanging out with me.

I believe the Gen-Y and millennials are struggling with technology superficial values and competitive human race issues. Like losing virginity as early as much to peer pressure like a competition. No one understands this. My psychologists explained this to me. They said I am not the problem, its them.


The stigma had improved I mean we don't get shoved in mental asylums anymore :). The world has always be socially dominant with those wother issues being pushed aside.

My mum has always said that I'm a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. That the world isn't right bit it won't change.

Enviromental management is a complicated one as it involves social interaction with clients and government bodies. Have you considered perhaps perusing enviromental science in a lab environment?



RetroGamer87
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11 Oct 2016, 7:32 am

Here's the reality of having a gf. When you have one you'll still be jelous of guys who have a prettier gf than you.



HelloSweetie
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11 Oct 2016, 7:41 am

Ecomatt91 wrote:
I believe the Gen-Y and millennials are struggling with technology superficial values and competitive human race issues. Like losing virginity as early as much to peer pressure like a competition. No one understands this. My psychologists explained this to me. They said I am not the problem, its them.


Hm I find that rather unhelpful. As imho one can surely cannot change others, but can sure try to expands on one's skills. Changing the world vs changing your behavior.

Did you any kind of practical skills training? In job and/or social skills?

Did you do any kind of reading about it?

I am trying to understand what is holding you back. I miss some background data, I guess.

Something I see in many topics here that people come asking for help. Are you actually listening and trying to do something with that advice? Or are you just here to vent to people in a similar position that also struggle with the same issues and also don't know what to do about it? Or are you only interested in the views of people in the same age group that have been there, done that, tried something else and succeeded :?:



Outrider
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11 Oct 2016, 8:21 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Here's the reality of having a gf. When you have one you'll still be jelous of guys who have a prettier gf than you.


That's because, like me, you've been only able to get 'low-tier' girlfriends, and by that I mean one's who are in a much worse position in life than you are and are only a drain on your mental and physical health and just not good for you.

Once you actually end up with a decent woman who you genuinely like, then you'd be proud to be with her.

There's definitely a halfway point between 'mentally and physically unhealthy obese women with OCD and severe depression and shy and boring' and 'hot tall Filipino women'.



RetroGamer87
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11 Oct 2016, 8:24 am

Outrider wrote:
Once you actually end up with a decent woman who you genuinely like, then you'd be proud to be with her.
Yes I would be but that may never happen.