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TotallyAMetrocop
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11 Oct 2016, 10:24 am

I'm in my junior year in high school, and I think I hate myself more and more every day. I keep falling behind, and even when I'm interested in a subject, I don't put any effort in. I dunno. Maybe I'm lazy, but that's just what everyone says, and I don't trust people. Then again, I think the accusations of laziness are either correct or are self-fulfilling prophecies, because they certainly make me FEEL lazy. Maybe I wasn't lazy once, but experiences made me become lazy. In all fairness, I don't feel like anything I do changes what happens to me, because my IEP and my parents make all the decisions. Every time I have a meltdown, the people in charge just use it as an excuse to tighten the yoke. I really don't know if I'm right about this or if I just have a persecution complex. Scratch what I said earlier, I don't really trust myself. I mean, would you trust someone who's incapable of handling high school and hasn't made any friends? I wouldn't. Some people will probably just label me as desperate for attention, or maybe think I'm feigning for pity. As I said, I don't trust anyone. It's funny how pop culture shows loners as either freaks or heroes. I'm pretty sure that I'm not good enough to qualify as a freak. After all, outcasts have brethren and friends. I have no one outside of my family and my condescending case manager. Pretty cliched to say this, but neither understand me. I'm stuck in a vicious cycle of stress, meltdowns, and discipline, and I'm too pathetic to take charge and break out of it. Inexplicably, I haven't completely given up yet. Sure, I'm kind of interested in some subjects, but that's really not the reason I stay. It isn't because I'm legally required to either, because I think I enjoy defying authorities. Maybe I'm too weak to stand up for myself. Pretty sure that's why. At the end of the day, I'm just a cynical teenager with major depression, ADHD, and Asperger's. I don't see any hope for my future.



AspieUtah
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11 Oct 2016, 10:33 am

The stress of high school should be outlawed under U.S. Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) regulations. If the same stress were on "American workers" every day, the full weight of the government would be assigned to end it.

In other words, you are correct about the stress, just not about yourself. You are doing the best you can. Everybody in high school feels the same way. Find a few ways to be yourself, and do your best to relax.


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Diagnosed in 2015 with ASD Level 1 by the University of Utah Health Care Autism Spectrum Disorder Clinic using the ADOS-2 Module 4 assessment instrument [11/30] -- Screened in 2014 with ASD by using the University of Cambridge Autism Research Centre AQ (Adult) [43/50]; EQ-60 for adults [11/80]; FQ [43/135]; SQ (Adult) [130/150] self-reported screening inventories -- Assessed since 1978 with an estimated IQ [≈145] by several clinicians -- Contact on WrongPlanet.net by private message (PM)


Rachel184
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14 Oct 2016, 5:24 am

Ouch. High school's tough. I'd know, I have to deal with it at the moment. I's not easy for me either. Maybe not as bad as you have it, but I'm still by no means enjoying it. I honestly don't know what to say, other than that I understand how you're feeling and that you're not alone. Maybe just knowing that will make you feel a little better.

Best wishes,
Rachel



Shahunshah
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14 Oct 2016, 5:44 am

Hey I am 16 years old now and just last year I was extremely and unhappy and had many meltdowns. This was because I was depressed and it was at my worst probably around this this time last year. I am proud to say that I am feeling much better nowadays. But things didn't get better all of a sudden for me I needed help and allot of it and maybe you are the same. So if this is how you are feeling with what you describe the be vicious cycles, I would recommend maybe asking your parents to book you in to see a psychiatrist. There I was able to receive professional help and ultimately some medication for my mood. I can't stress how much this has helped and honestly it was the only way I could break out of this cycle. Things to me just don't simply improve gradually they do once you take action.

I have found ways to enjoy school however I am curious however what subjects do you enjoy?



Supernova420
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02 Nov 2016, 11:57 pm

Well hi there, i know exactly how you feel. i once went through what you went through. High school is a tough place, people are judgmental, teachers really don't care, the food sucks, but most importantly it doesn't allow you to explore yourself like a school should. it's more about following directions then using your own brain. The best school is not showing you what there is but showing you where to look. i know what it's like man. I highly suggest using your Aspergers as a strength that others cannot possibly imagine to use. We think differently then others, we think outside the box which gives us abilities to perform things others cannot do easily. Some of us are high functioning and others are not. this is why its called a spectrum. People don't even know i have Asperger's unless i tell them.
Anyways,
Unfortunately i ended up dropping out of high school in the 10th grade. I don't know how strict your parents are so i'm not going to tell you go right ahead and drop out. But i would consider talking to them about it, this will give you time at home to find yourself. What are you good at? art? writing? computers? Anything you can imagine. You see i believe the problem with society is we work so hard to graduate to earn a diploma then work in some sh***y job we hate, never really getting the chance to discover ourselves within. Life is about living not working until you die. It will get better man, you're so young. This is only a tiny part of your life. We all go through stages of loss of hope and sadness but we always get through it. Message me if you need a friend to talk to.

peace and love



Pieplup
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16 Dec 2016, 10:48 am

TotallyAMetrocop wrote:
I'm in my junior year in high school, and I think I hate myself more and more every day. I keep falling behind, and even when I'm interested in a subject, I don't put any effort in. I dunno. Maybe I'm lazy, but that's just what everyone says, and I don't trust people. Then again, I think the accusations of laziness are either correct or are self-fulfilling prophecies, because they certainly make me FEEL lazy. Maybe I wasn't lazy once, but experiences made me become lazy. In all fairness, I don't feel like anything I do changes what happens to me, because my IEP and my parents make all the decisions. Every time I have a meltdown, the people in charge just use it as an excuse to tighten the yoke. I really don't know if I'm right about this or if I just have a persecution complex. Scratch what I said earlier, I don't really trust myself. I mean, would you trust someone who's incapable of handling high school and hasn't made any friends? I wouldn't. Some people will probably just label me as desperate for attention, or maybe think I'm feigning for pity. As I said, I don't trust anyone. It's funny how pop culture shows loners as either freaks or heroes. I'm pretty sure that I'm not good enough to qualify as a freak. After all, outcasts have brethren and friends. I have no one outside of my family and my condescending case manager. Pretty cliched to say this, but neither understand me. I'm stuck in a vicious cycle of stress, meltdowns, and discipline, and I'm too pathetic to take charge and break out of it. Inexplicably, I haven't completely given up yet. Sure, I'm kind of interested in some subjects, but that's really not the reason I stay. It isn't because I'm legally required to either, because I think I enjoy defying authorities. Maybe I'm too weak to stand up for myself. Pretty sure that's why. At the end of the day, I'm just a cynical teenager with major depression, ADHD, and Asperger's. I don't see any hope for my future.

Woe is me I haven't even got to high school yet. I already know if I don't like junior high I won't like regular high.


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I am pieplup i have level 3 autism and a number of severe mental illnesses. I am rarely active on here anymore.
I run a discord for moderate-severely autistic people if anyone would like to join. You can also contact me on discord @Pieplup or by email at [email protected]


248RPA
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16 Dec 2016, 11:24 pm

I hate high school too. What keeps me going is the fact that highschool does not last forever. I will get out of there one way or another. Eventually.

This semester in high school I've had
-126 tests/quizzes
-13 projects (including essays)
-14 forgotten homework assignments

Plus, my school doesn't do IEPs in the traditional sense, so I've had to make arrangements with my teachers for accommodations. Sometimes, I feel like I'm my own IEP parent, except it's not an actual IEP, and I don't really know what I'm doing. Nevertheless, my actual parents expect me to handle arranging accommodations by myself.


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Life ... that's what leaves the mess. Mad people everywhere.