Sibling probably on the spectrum, need advice? (long)

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Hoping this is the best place for this post. I'm very confused and not sure how to approach this situation. I have a younger sibling that I have a positive relationship with, but we're not very "connected" - live states apart, both hate talking on the phone, both on the spectrum, etc.

My sibling is, to me, very clearly on the spectrum. They are also trans. Several years ago (I guess right before the DSM-V was published), our father (who is very close-minded, transphobic, and completely rejecting of my sibling's identity) forced them to go through extensive psychological testing in a desperate move to "explain" what was "wrong" with my sibling. At the time, they were a minor, so our mother was present for the summary meeting/results. According to her, the psychologist's report contained a long list of diagnoses, including: Depression (likely brought on by having to hide gender identity / fear of rejection for many years, surprise), various anxiety disorders, ADHD, and Asperger's Syndrome (though they also had speech delays).

I was recently diagnosed with ASD and really wanted to talk/connect with my sibling about it. I tried to casually mention it when my mom handed them the phone one day, but when I brought up Asperger's, they clammed up and acted like they had no idea what I'm talking about. That totally took me off guard, and I didn't know how to react, so I dropped the subject.

Now I don't know what to do. Do they not know? Did they hear, but mentally reject the diagnosis? I'm worried that they may still have emotional trauma surrounding that time period of coming out, and I don't want to bring up painful memories. At the same time, I feel like they would benefit from understanding this diagnosis, and finding resources from the ASD community. I also feel like I unintentionally invaded their privacy by having information that I'm not supposed to have (through mother). Any advice how to approach this topic in a sensitive way?

Honestly probably that. Being autistic or in particular being an aspie has gotten a very negative societal image, and coming to terms with the fact that I'm probably on the spectrum and that this obvious but suppressed thing has been quietly ruling my life has been a lot like realizing I was trans in the first place. It's tough.

idk how much advice I have for you, but definitely make sure your sibling knows that you are there for them and support them whatever the case, and that you are only trying to help them understand themselves more.

That's a good reminder, thank you! I think I've been so obsessed the past couple months with getting my diagnosis & relief at finally understanding myself, that I forgot how negatively it's perceived by many people.

I thought this over a lot last night, and I think what I'll probably do is a written communication, sharing my diagnosis, the ways that it is affecting my life, and some of the common ways that ASD can manifest differently in women. Maybe they'll see some of it in themselves, without me being pushy. Also, I think opening up more about myself will help give reassurance that I am nonjudgmental and someone they can trust to talk with about difficult subjects.

Research into the crossover of Gender Identity Disorder and Autism Spectrum Disorder has resulted in the current understanding that about 10 percent of each group are also are included the other group. This is particular true among gender dysphoric FtM individuals.

So, it might be possible to share this research to open a dialogue with your sibling. Make it a kind of "Gee, did you know...?" kind of introduction to the idea.