The impossible just happened. Now what?

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Okay, time for an awkward question. She's wanting to take this slower than I do, but I'm fine with that. Maybe she'll even decide to open up a little faster once she gets more comfortable around me. Anyway, if we ever get to the point where I think we're ready for more, ah, intimate stuff, how do I bring this up with her without either offending her or scaring her off?

Uh, yeah, it DOES need to be talked out, or else I risk going too far, offending her, or potentially even getting the police called on me for touching her in a way she doesn't want me to. This isn't the movies, people can't communicate these things via telepathy.

Okay, time for an awkward question. She's wanting to take this slower than I do, but I'm fine with that. Maybe she'll even decide to open up a little faster once she gets more comfortable around me. Anyway, if we ever get to the point where I think we're ready for more, ah, intimate stuff, how do I bring this up with her without either offending her or scaring her off?

really, she's a woman that is 30 and never had a boyfriend before?

Uh, yeah, it DOES need to be talked out, or else I risk going too far, offending her, or potentially even getting the police called on me for touching her in a way she doesn't want me to. This isn't the movies, people can't communicate these things via telepathy.

Just go with the flow.

Chances are you're just being anxious (which is normal for anyone in a new relationship) about her not replying to messages in a timely manner.. assuming she's thinking something she may not be. She might just be busy with life, family, friends, work, or not in the mood to chat. If you haven't done anything wrong, don't worry so much. I've found that I have irrational fears about having annoyed or upset someone when they don't reply for a while and then virtually every single time when I do hear back from them it's simply that they were busy or had something else going on vs. avoiding replying or thinking anything negative whatsoever. Yet I still get trapped in this line of thinking sometimes lol it's only natural I think.

There's no "process road map," for you to follow rigidly with any of this. It's different for every person and every relationship.

You may be coming on a little strong for her. So, realizing this, adjust your approach. Keep your feelings to yourself vs. showing your cards and letting her feel overwhelmed. Go ahead and feel all gushy all you want, just don't tell her about it. Go at her pace. Let her open up to you vs. you opening up even more to her. As new and exciting as this all may be, you've got to just dial things back a notch and let things happen vs. get too ahead of yourself. I have to do the very same thing for myself, too, so don't feel like I'm picking on you.



Umm, perhaps for the very ASD of us.. yes.. maybe it does need to be talked about. But in general, no, these things don't really need to be talked about. It's called "non-verbal communication." Whether there's an element of "telepathy" in most humans or not is debatable, but yeah people do just do these things and sense what their partner's boundaries and limitations are. Yes, discussions about sexual things can and do happen ahead of time.. sometimes in a verbal conversation, or text, or email, but the very basics of sexual advances don't ever tend to be discussed or planned in advance of them just happening. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, making out, cuddling, moving forward with more sensual/sexual activities.. they DO just happen and people DO just realize what is and isn't okay live in the moment as things are happening. If someone's body language is accepting and willing, things progress further. If they shy away, even without saying no, then you just sense that they're not okay with you touching them or doing anything "more," than whatever level of intimacy you were just at and so you back off and feel them relax and calm down as they're comfortable with what's going on but not with the next step you were making a move towards.

However, given the ASD + ASD situation, it may benefit you both to have this conversation at some point. Now is probably not that point given that she thinks your daily contact is moving a little too quickly for her liking. But when it is appropriate, you might want to say/text something like "I'm really enjoying getting to know each other and look forward to being a little more intimate with you in the future.. but I don't want to move faster than you're comfortable with because that would just be awkward for both of us! That said, would it be ok if we cuddled a little the next time we're together? Are their any touch or sensory boundaries you have that I need to be aware of so we can make the most of our time together w/o scaring each other off?" Something like that might lead into an informative and meaningful conversation with her that let's you both be transparent about these things rather than making a fool of yourself in person.

Good luck!

Thanks for the advice, but this happened back in October. We've already broken up.

That is what I said. You obviously haven't seen my other threads, or you'd know this is old news. Any reason you're necromancing this particular thread?