What does everyone think about this cl ad

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What you need is professional help for your depression--which is nothing to be ashamed of, as myself and many other people here have in the past or are currently seeking professional help for similar problems. But I know that you won't hear that and are convinced that the only thing that can help you or can cure your depression is a woman to "save you" like in some fairy tale. So here we are, at an impasse as usual.

No, men like you shall not kill themselves. It's not impossible to find a girlfriend when you are not wealthy but it'd be a lie to say it's not more difficult. (Besides, life isn't necessarily all bad just because one doesn't have a partner.)
I know a few men who married or could have married a woman who had more money than them.
One of my aunts is married to a guy who didn't earn much and sometimes no money at all for the first probably 10 or more years of their marriage. First he still was in education and she was helping him financially. Then he founded a small company but for the first years he didn't get much money out of it. They already had two children before he reliably had an income (he earned money in some months but sometimes his business didn't go so well). They're still married.
All right they're the most positive example I personally know. Now here's a more negative one:
One of my father's female colleagues met a guy she fell in love with when she still was attending university. She had been working during the summer holidays to earn money she needed that semester. Not long after she had met him the guy admitted to her that he was in debt. He told her he had borrowed money from some nasty guys and they'd hurt him if he couldn't pay it back. She gave him the money she had saved up for her education. The very next day the guy was gone with her money. She never saw him again. Chances are finding a girlfriend and telling her he was in trouble was his way of 'earning' money.

Women's financial situation affects their dating chances a lot less than men's financial situation affects theirs. It's not true that it doesn't affect it at all.
Not every women has an easy time finding a boyfriend even if she doesn't have ridiculous expectations. Her finances alone can't be the reason why she doesn't find a boyfriend but there are plenty of married non-wealthy men thus it's also not men's lack of money alone that prevents them from getting a girl.

Drugging himself with questionable 'medications' even more untested and worse than some addictive drugs and wasting thousands a year to yammer on about his problems only to have a psychologist regurgitate the same useless platitudes he's been told here ("You'll find love when you stop looking" "You have to be happy alone first") may not do anything for him.

Though, he could give it a try if he wants to, and believes it'll help him.

If i could give you some advice Sly, it's that Risperidone is an awful medication and should never be used to treat symptoms of Autism.

There's a high number of negative experiences from myself, people I know and all over the internet if you have a look for people suffering from all kinds of disorders such as Bipolar, Schizophrenia, Autism, Anxiety, etc.

Never admit yourself to a mental hospital. Plenty of them are bad places that those with mental disorders have bad experiences in and medication intake is mandatory no matter how bad the meds are for you.

It takes time to find a good psychologist, take your time and don't be afraid to go from psychologist to psychologist until you find one you have good chemistry with and one who personally works well for you.

Don't go to a psychiatrist, go to a psychologist. There is a difference.

Psychiatrists are the one's much quicker to try to find whatever drug they can to 'treat' your issues, psychologists are the ones that offer real therapy techniques to overcome a variety of mental disorders.

Here's my personal, non-therapy advice Sly:

1. Exercise. Not for women, but for yourself.

If you don't enjoy exercise, you don't have to lift weights or build muscle or anything. Just try some sort of sport, any kind of physical activity. Even going for a relaxing walk every afternoon around the neighborhood. Whatever makes you happy.

You like hunting, don't you? Why exactly do you like it?

Is getting out to nature a part of the reason? Instead of hunting you could get hiking gear and hike, I heard you like camping so if you can afford to you could do that more often.

Tree-climbing is a hobby that can be done with the right equipment, as can rock and mountainclimbing.

2. Try to improve the amount of sleep you get. 7-9hrs per night is ideal. But don't beat yourself up too much if you struggle with insomnia - that's normal and if you're doing the best you can do then that's all you can do.

I often get stressed and frustrated with myself because it seems I can't naturally get more than 6-7 hrs of sleep even when I'm really trying to get to bed earlier or use methods to make me sleepy earlier. Still, I'm doing well on the amount of sleep I do get.

3. Don't listen to those who suggest you have to be happy 'on your own first', in my opinion for a lot of people it may be a myth simply because they haven't spent any meaningful amount of time alone.

The truth is, for most people, humans are social creatures and we require people who care about use for our well being, this includes all kinds of love including the love from family and friends.

An orphan who has never had any friends, never had a relationship and does not speak to their co-workers is very unlikely to be happy alone.

Getting a social life won't solve all your problems, but it DOES HELP.

I know from experience. I've experienced both sides of life enough, having good friends and a girlfriend by my side, and the complete opposite, complete and total loneliness, and my life is much happier, meaningful and fulfilling when I have friends or a girlfriend.

It cures my depression.

Some people are depressed ONLY because they are alone.

Loneliness can cause or worsen low self-esteem, cause or worsen depression, anxiety, mental instability, and at worse suicide.

There's already multiple existing studies to prove this.

Sometimes no amount of therapy can help if outside of therapy you spend every waking moment miserably alone. I've already read plenty of personal experiences from others online who say psychologists simply don't know how to deal with their 'problem' if their only problem is 'loneliness' due to lack of friends and a relationship for otherwise fully N.T. healthy functioning people.

There's a reason solitary confinement is used as a way to punish prisoners.

I know it sounds like bad advice to just tell you to 'get a social life' because you've probably already been trying, but that's all I can really say. 'Getting a social life' is a very complicated thing which I don't have the answer to. What I do know however is that it can help.

Maybe you could try and ask to be friends with some of the women on dating sites. I mean just friends and nothing more.

4. Improve your diet.

This doesn't have to mean cutting calories excessively or obsessing over healthy this vs. healthy that.

But try to find healthier alternatives to foods you already enjoy that you like the taste of but also have the time to cook and prepare.

Healthier eating can make you feel better inside and out.

Start getting a multivitamin and Vit-D3 pill. Vitamin D3 has anti-depressant properties to it.

I'm not even talking about weight loss or trying to gain muscle.

Just eat better foods and don't fast/starve yourself or overeat. Just eat when you feel hungry and have the time to. Just eating healthier foods with more nutrients will make you feel happier and have more energy.

5. Nootropics, over-the-counter 'supplements', etc.

There's a variety of over-the-counter supplements that can be bought for a reasonable price that have all kinds of positive effects on the brain and body.

Make sure you research them well and research every ingredient the websites say are in the Nootropic.

Some Nootropics and supplements have ingredients that are untested and could cause health problems in the long-term, so find the ones that have been extensively researched.

Some examples of some supplements are stress and anxiety relief, 5-HTTP which has anti-depressant properties, supplements to improve energy, focus and cognition and mental function, etc.

You can take more than one of these supplements per day, these are called 'stacks'. You can use an already existing stack or make your own.

Too many supplements a day is dangerous, of course, but taking 1-3 together per day should be fine.

Personally I only take a very low dosage (2 different supps in the morning 2 days a week) but I'd increase dosage if it were necessary.

6. Work on your hobbies more. If they still make you happy, keep doing them.

You might not always have energy after work or on your off days but if you have the motivation, even a tiny bit, maybe it's a good idea to try and give it a chance.

Doing activities that entertain you release endorphins and dopamine into the brain, that make you feel more rewarded and happier.

7. Try to improve your appearance and style of dress in any and every way. This might help your self-esteem.

Don't hold your breath though. I believe self-esteem does not only come from within, but also from external validation. We need friends and a girlfriend or boyfriend to help our self-esteem because it reminds us people care about us and like us for who we are.

If a person has never had any evidence that not one person has ever liked them in their entire life, how could they possibly have good self-esteem, which is the belief they are a perfectly fine person and even if they have some flaws they aren't a monster and shouldn't hate yourself and don't deserve to be unhappy?

For me, I try to improve my appearance by how I dress, hygiene and fitness/strong body, but at the end of the day, I'm the only person who knows all this and appreciates what I do to take care of myself. Only a very small number of girls have ever been attracted to me and my body in my entire life. Why would I think any girl likes my body now if, well NO girl does like my body now?

This is why I am so insecure when it comes to muscles. I try to work out to get strong but still see skinny guys a quarter my weight or chubby guys who don't take care of their beards or faces with pretty girlfriends while I end up alone.

8. Ahem...you know that thing you might do once a day in privacy? Yes, that thing. Don't ever ignore your desires. Do it as often as possible in privacy at home. Whenever you feel even the slightest bit eager, do it and feel the pleasure that it gives you. I see some people try to give advice that going on 'NoFåp' (google it) helps them. I don't think it's worth it.

9. Tea

Once or twice a day. It has a variety of positive affects on the mind.

10. AMSR

11. Binaural beats

12. Meditation

13. Make sure your living space is as neat and tidy as possible. Studies say cluttered spaces and messy rooms can worsen mood.

All of these have, to an extent, helped me feel much better about life, and I hope they can work for you.

Last edited by Outrider on 26 Oct 2016, 3:47 am, edited 2 times in total.

Thanks for posting this. It's the best thing I've read in a long time. I shall be printing it out to stick on the wall.

Thank you.

I just don't believe that some therapists should be so quick to push drugs onto a patient when there are many other, less riskier methods to help.

I'd much rather that it was more cheaper and easier in this world to access nutritionists, a personal trainer or sports coach to help teach people exercise, mental health social workers/carers, and some sort of daily 'life coach' that can assist the depressed or mentally disordered person with daily functioning and help them find methods to be productive and happier. Maybe there needs to be someone or some place you can go to to get help and referrals to access all of these services.

Maybe Personal Trainers, nutritionists and mental health specific 'life coaches' should all be linked to the medical system.

It's difficult to get a PT or sports coach without the pressure and anxiety of finding and approaching one at the gym, or making a phone call of some kind. In general it's dealing with someone with no experience or prior knowledge of any difficulties you may have.

Most of those things I had to figure out on my own and therapy as a teenager never did much aside from generic advice and always increasing my dosages on my meds. No matter how much I tried to calmly and civilly persuade them the medication I was on wasn't good for me, they'd brush it off.

None of these things were suggested, except for getting me Melatonin to help my insomnia.

Of course, when asked if I had symptoms of depression, therapists or GPs would ask 'Do you have a low appetite/sleeping problems/have you had any major weight changes recently/etc.' but while therapists do provide advice on how to feel 'happier', they don't specifically provide advice on how your current lifestyle might have a big effect on how you feel (which multiple studies have proven time and time again).

It might offend some, but I think it would be beneficial if more therapists could be honest and tell an obese person who eats unhealthy who says they feel 'no energy' and 'weak' all the time that maybe a healthy diet and some form of exercise can help.

I sincerely believe medication should be a last resort.

Depression is not always mental, but physical as well.

Experts agree with this in that most anti-depressants these days are SSRI's and so their purpose is to produce the bodies physical production of Serotonin.

But since depression can be physical as well, lifestyle can have a huge effect on how one feels and so is just as important as taking SSRI's if not more important.

Therapy isn't necessarily bad and there's a lot of good that therapy can offer, specifically the ones that take full advantage of proven psychological techniques such as graded exposure, CBT, etc. but therapy and medication often go hand-in-hand, in that most therapists are quick to prescribe medication on the mentally disordered.

What's the use of therapy and meds if you are obese, insomniac, eat awful foods for your body, drink lots of caffeine and acidic drinks, smoke/do drugs/consume massive amounts of alcohol, live in a messy, cluttered space, don't exercise, have no friends and no girlfriend and rarely see or speak to family, don't take care of your appearance and thus have low self-esteem, and have no job, do not volunteer and are not in education but spend all your days isolated.

I think it would be a miracle if medication and therapy could fix depression alone when you're in this state.

What the hell is CL, and why am I supposed to know that? Who do people always use bloody acronyms for everything in English?

Even in English this is a rare and unusual acronym and I had to google it myself.

It stands for Craiglist I think, an American website.

It's sort of like an online 'newspaper ads' sort of deal.

It's like how some aspies here mentioned in the past they would run an ad in the newspaper in 'Man seeking woman' or 'Woman seeking man' sections or something like that.

The goal is to run an ad if you want to meet a specific type of person or get a specific kind of item to buy.

Craiglist is also notoriously known for its strange and disturbing ads by people sometimes.

I know the name a bit, but if one only writes CL I don't understand. I don't get what's wrong with people nowadays...

Seems fair enough to me.

I cannot emphasize this enough:


D0 N0T USE CRAIGSLIST F0R 0NLINE DATING! PERI0D.



And while you're at it, don't waste your time reading CL dating ads/rants.

Oh, I don't date anymore. I'm just the resident Dutch uncle/Dr. Love, Psy.D. from university of life experience. ;-D

CL dating ads/rants are entertaining. Kind of like a backwoods redneck family gathered around a bug zapper on the deck of the trailer while they eat pickled pork lips, you know, and the biggest beetle you've ever seen suddenly bursts into flames. That's funny rite thar. That's me with CL personals! Low class entertainment.

But, no, I wouldn't answer those ads even if I was in the market. That's a whole big bag of smelly, steaming BAD.

Funny enough, out of all the languages English is one of the ones that requires the least amount of words to express thoughts and ideas to communicate a message, but for some reason even then we don't have long enough attention spans so everyone uses textspeak to shorten everything or else everything will be too long to read for most people.

Seriously, on most websites I've noticed people aren't even willing to read just a few paragraphs.

Most other languages need a lot more words and sentences to express an idea.

This is why English is such an awful language, because it kills people's attention spans. 2 English sentences could be 5 sentences in Spanish.

Do you really think an English speaker who has learnt Spanish would be willing to read that much on like a wikipedia page without getting bored and thinking it's too long?

We're too use to everything being so succinct and brief - and it's only getting worse.

I clearly live in the wrong place, Boo
And yeah, Craigslist for dating is courting danger.
Use a site established for dating if you're gonna go that route.

Like this site below you mean?



Kid: Mooom, why you are not wearing any pants?
Mom: That's the latest trend my sweetie!