Being held to a higher standard than my NT friends/siblings
Yeah, no, I just have the one child! My experience with autistic children is limited to other family members. I do not study children, either. I have read some articles while looking for other things.
I'm not sure, but I think it's worth considering that you're just taking that saying too literally. I don't think it's an accurate saying. But I guess "Let's try being a jerk and see what will happen" isn't as catchy.
We didn't know that my little brother was autistic, so we just figured things out as we went along. If someone had told us (even if he had told us) that his clothes and the seatbelt and stuff were really bothering him it would have saved so many issues for all of us. Doing what you're talking about (explaining visually, loosening the belt) would have been such a great solution.
I have been told that my husband also didn't really obey rules that well. I have gotten the impression that his parents stuck to what was important to them (don't hit your sister, come to church, don't curse) but let others go. Like, they couldn't force him to eat properly, so he ate a lot of junk food rather than starve. And he watched a lot of TV. I think his parents chose to let some things go if he was otherwise behaving.
Some of the people in my husband's family who are autistic, who I knew as teenagers, did not seem to cause any problems. Flew under the radar, I guess. No one was diagnosed as kids. The extended family has chosen not to pursue official diagnoses, except for my husband who got an Asperger's diagnosis.
My nephew has one of the new autism high spectrum diagnoses. He seems to behave kind of like my husband, with a lot of food sensitivities and things he just will not do and no one forces him since it doesn't seem like a huge deal.
So...no, I don't think there's been the manipulation stage there with any of them. A SNEAKING stage definitely. Like a dislike to have people in their business, but not a lying and manipulation deal that I think is common in NT kids.
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*APA - American Psychological Association
Eclipse247
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 15 Aug 2016
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 52
Location: Near Bath UK.
__________
*APA - American Psychological Association
I also used alcohol to deal with it. The downside did damage. You guys on this thread are waking up to the rigged game being played out. It's smoke and mirrors. Turn the other cheek and do your own thing. They will respect you for not being taken in by their crap.
Eclipse247
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 15 Aug 2016
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 52
Location: Near Bath UK.
I find alcohol takes the edge off the unpleasant anxiety feelings and turns me into more of an NT imo. I can then fit in better with them. I also find chamomile is good.
An equation for u all.
Faking empathy by an Aspie=an Aspie mimicking an NT faking empathy.
(ie NT's don't/can't feel empathy very much.)
This doesn't mean an Aspie doesn't feel empathy, just that they may not pretend empathy where its not warranted.
eg. my NT partner will repeatedly pretend to bump her toe/head/hand at the moment I turn to walk away. Therefore I have not seen her do it. She will produce a loud "ouch"! If I go along with this crap and show empathy I am being manipulated. If I don't then in NT eyes I am unempathetic!
Do u see how NT crap works and you are being held to a higher standard than them?
Whining and wishes
NT kids: When my family took me and my friends out for a celebration of some sort, like an outing or my birthday, their whining often went uncorrected. At times, they even got the item they were whining for. For example, when my friend was screaming because a bee came near him, my family shooed it away.
Me: When my family took me and my friends out for a celebration of some sort, like an outing or my birthday, they jumped on me like vultures whenever I did anything resembling whining. For example, when I screamed when a bee came near me, my parents yelled at me: "Don't scream like that; you're a big boy!".
(I never figured out how to solve this problem.)
Please share your thoughts.
This one is easy. How old was your friend? Was he younger than you? How much older were you? Age has so much to do with this because people expect different reactions out of you and behavior and judgment based on your age. This is harder for those with disabilities. I even made a thread about it here:
https://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=122167
Also each parent is different so they might have been fine with how their kid reacted while yours weren't fine with yours. That is if you were both the same age. Or maybe the friend had a phobia of bees so they comforted him.
_________________
Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.
When I was growing up, that was indeed very stressful. I put those same standards on myself. I now am thankful for it because, had I not been held to high standards or expected high standards from myself, I probably wouldn't have made even the modest progress I made over the past few years.
https://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=122167
Also each parent is different so they might have been fine with how their kid reacted while yours weren't fine with yours. That is if you were both the same age. Or maybe the friend had a phobia of bees so they comforted him.
Needless to say, incidents like this gave me all sorts of bizarre ideas about how family love is supposed to work.
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