Could any girls help me help my partner?

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Do you struggle to find the "purpose" of your life? have you found it?
There isnt one overall purpose, but loads of little ones that link with being who I am.

What do you do with the majority of your time?
Work

Do you run out of energy before the day is done?
Yes, its quite common, my job is demanding socially, I feel better after I have some quiet alone time.

Do you every feel lonely and not want to be around anyone at the same time?
I have felt that way in the past, but I think that feeling was linked to depression.


*What makes you happy?
Nice easy company, being out in nature, my dogs, good food, classical music, gardening, talking about things that interest me.

Do you ever shutdown?
Im not sure, I can become very tired quickly after an emotionally demanding situation though.

Is there anything else you have learned that has help you cope?

Initially taking small breaks to do the above* during stressful periods of time, building that as a habit, and then increasing the length/frequency. Trying to find balance, the golden mean.

I just want to say, it's very typical that when you get with someone who has autism it's likely that their counterpart has it too on some high functioning scale and not know about it, I've heard of this happening a good few times now.

Do you struggle to find the "purpose" of your life? have you found it?
I have found my purpose, in a way. I want to help people, and to do that I paint pictures and write stories and tell people how much I love them.

What do you do with the majority of your time?
Right now I don't do much of anything, really; I read books and play video games and listen to music online and work on my stories.

Do you run out of energy before the day is done?
It depends on the situation, but when I'm at school, I am often instantly exhausted.

Do you every feel lonely and not want to be around anyone at the same time?
I am withdrawn and introverted, and I am fine with being alone, but not for very long.

What makes you happy?
If I gave you the full list, the post would be HUGE.

Do you ever shutdown?
Yes; I frequently shutdown when in an environment that doesn't suit me.

Is there anything else you have learned that has help you cope?
Focusing on what I truly want instead of what everyone else wants is a lesson I continuously need to learn.

By the way, UnturnedStone, I am glad that you found someone so special.

Looks like you've gotten a lot of replies but since I'm feeling social and hoping to be helpful, I'll add my view too.

Hubby and I had been together nearly 20 years by the time we encountered Asperger's and realized we were on the spectrum. It just happened that relationships and our motives (usually motivated by needs or fears) were my interest, so when struggles came up, when I could put my hurt pride aside, I got us through our difficulties. Thankfully, he was also willing to listen. That also got us through.

As for your questions:

Do you struggle to find the "purpose" of your life? have you found it?
In my experience, purpose changes. I view my personal purpose as being some benefit to anyone. Nice and broad. It can be fulfilled in the grocery store check out line. Though I do periods where one task ended (parenthood) but nothing new loomed on the horizon. I was rudderless. :p Frustrated, I've flailed and failed. Spent money I had briefly only to find I was pursuing something that wasn't for me. I call it Tigger Syndrome. LOL (This is what Tiggers to best, only to find out later that is NOT the case. LOL)

Currently I'm trying to self-publish, but I often stop and think, What if this isn't where I'm supposed to be? I take a deep breath and try to remember, I am where I am. And that's right where I need to be right now. Later will be different. I can deal with later, later.

What do you do with the majority of your time?
That made me laugh. I don't work outside the home anymore. So most of my time I peruse the internet, watch old tv or movies, sometimes read or think. write.

Do you run out of energy before the day is done?
These get funnier. I'm often out of energy before the day begins. Does that help? LOL That's one of the reasons I don't work outside the home. Some days are far worse than others. Often I have one day of amazing energy and motivation. I'm almost type A on those days. LOL They are brief. I've created more messes that way because I thought, Yeah! I'm unstoppable. I'm going to organize the (insert chosen room/space of chaos here) and I get about halfway through sorting, putting everything in piles in the living room. And then it's gone. I'm toast and my space is worse than when I started. (I've learned btw to not do that any more. )


Do you every feel lonely and not want to be around anyone at the same time?
Yes!! !! So much. This was worse when I was younger. (I met hubby when I was 23 and moved in within the year) It was awful. Terrible moments of such horrifying despair. I remember slamming my head against the wall trying to make the pain of loneliness go away, but not wanting anyone around. The confusion and dichotomy (is that the right use?) was hell. I am amazed when I look back. It was only a fear that taking my own life would fail and I'd be a brilliant mind in the body of a vegetable, unable to communicate that kept me alive sometimes.

What makes you happy?
Can I say Thai food? I'm not kidding. Food with amazing flavor and spices makes me happy. Writing helps me stay sane, if that's part of your question. I have fun doing certain things but not a lot "makes me happy." for me being happy is a choice. And there are a lot of days I have a hard time with that.

Do you ever shutdown?
It's like you know me. LOL There've been times I referred to myself as "dead" because there was no life force in me. I was shut down but had to remain functional because of kids, jobs, school, whatever. So yeah. I shut down sometimes. I think it has to run its course. I'd get so angry when people told me to pull it together, snap out of it, relax. That's not something that can be done. It seems to be brain chemistry. Being overwhelmed and lacking energy, it's so much easier to shut down. What else can you do? You have no energy to fight or run. Think of it as a turtle shell or a cocoon (though sadly, probably not going to be a butterfly coming out). Hopefully just your companion. Sometimes there were tears but not always. And rarely in front of anyone.


I hope some of that is helpful. You're welcome to PM me too if you want but I've noticed sometimes, I just speak without really thinking. There are places for that. And there are times that is very bad. :/