Is reality real? Anyways. I am new here. This is me.

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I do this thing where my brain labels memories. I look out of my window, garner data about the day, and assess the data. What I mean is I visually grasp the essence of the day. The trees, the birds, the sun, etc. If there is sun outside, with an entirely blue sky, it is a bad day. If there is gray clouds upon the sky, and the day seems bleak with barely any sunshine, it is a good day. If the sky is gray in this way except it is also cold, it is an extremely good day. If there is a moderate amount of clouds and it is sunny, it is a not-so-good day. If it is cold on any day, it is a very good day. The absorption of data is much more complex. There are numerous other aspects to the environment that my brain considers. On not-so-good and bad days, I do not study. I do not play piano. I do not learn history or learn pi. I play video games. This is horrible, but here is what I have found. My brain has a way of attaching memories. It labels them in certain ways. When I walk outside, my subconscious recalls past days that are similar to this. I receive a gut feeling. This gut feeling is almost physical, however it is induced by my brain. I invariably stare into the distance,into the moon and the stars, and my brother watches me, bewildered. He does not understand that I am at that moment determining my path for the day. He disregards it as perhaps common behavior, not letting any conclusions dissipate his certainly correct image of myself, of what I truly am, having been my only companion in this world. I live my life this way, and I seek a sanctuary. I move on from day to day hoping for when I can enter the world of Noire. It is what I call the world inside me although the name is arbitrary and I've ought to change it. I seek somewhere where I can always be at tranquility regardless of the world around me. Depression is when I do my best thinking. Depression is everyday. Anyways, I am not diagnosed, but my brain makes life unbearable. I cannot escape it as I cannot escape the day (except by not sleeping) although I do try. Sometimes I wonder if I am using the term Asperger's merely to conceptualize my failure as a person. My name is Anthony Barajas and I am 15 years old. I know 450 digits of Pi by heart (and still learning) and have an autistic memory that works extraordinarily around the presence of music within a good pair of headphones. I cannot make decisions that require intuition and I play the piano, learn pi and history, languages, and math and science, am addicted to certain movies (for years now) and enjoy certain books. Memorizing pi and dwelling on my obsessions, to me, is the equivalent to an adult's temperate repose of wine and laughter .No one understands me, and no one ever will. Dreams feel more real than reality. Every time I have a dream, and I open my eyes to the real world, I wake up saying this sentence(impulsively)"I'm not supposed to be here." I have exactly 0 friends. School is hell and school starts again after tomorrow. The noise in school is distracting and inhibits my learning. I can shut this noise down extremely well when I am focused, but only when I focus on things I find amusing.This is my first post, and I would like to assert that some of us were born in the wrong planet. I say hello, to my own kind, as I would have never desired to in real life.

I think you will find a few people who do understand you here Anthony.

At fifteen I could draw out the circuit diagram for a television receiver from memory, radio as well, was learning electronics and other fun stuff. I tended to take it on trust that PI never recurred however many digits to which it was calculated. I also collected th smooth backed duplicator paper. I had a big box in my room of all the old example sheets and tests from lessons, on the back I drew out mythical motorways, right downto all the lane markings, interchanges of various types, and then would come back to them and rub out the lane markings and re-do them pretending I was re-surfacing them. I drew track diagrams for railway stations as well.

Great to have you here.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hey thedyingofthelight welcome.