Existential crisis before college. A bit depressing.

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CryingTears15
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11 Dec 2016, 11:24 am

Hi, I'm going to college in a few months and I'm coming to realize some things.

Other kids say they want to be marketers, teachers, divorce court lawyers. Nothing too groundbreaking. I am one of the last kids in my grade to let go of this stupid idea I'd had, along with them, since I was a child: that I was destined to be someone great.

I think my adolescence, where I should have been honing my talents, has been more anxiety-producing and confused than anything. My Autistic-interests in fiction yielded subpar stories and no time to pay attention to schoolwork. Other obsessions in history have given me some knowledge on specific people on par with graduate students, but it says little given what there is to know about those people.

Great figures in history almost always show signs of their giftedness as children and teenagers. I'm smart, but not terribly precocious so much as philosophical and self-aware. I could be a good scientist, but I would be just that-- decent. Adequate.

I need to let go of the idea that I'll be someone great, but that new reality feels like living life under the covers on mundaneness. Like I am insignificant.

(Though I suppose everyone is in the end?)



DataB4
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11 Dec 2016, 12:03 pm

How do you personally define greatness? If it makes sense for you to answer, what would it take for a teacher, marketer, or scientist to be great?

I'm a philosopher at heart too BTW, so welcome to the club. 8)



CryingTears15
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11 Dec 2016, 8:35 pm

To be seen as such an iconic figure that you would learn about them in school, college, etc.

I long to be at least a footnote in a book on something historically significant.



DataB4
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13 Dec 2016, 5:56 pm

Oh, well that sort of greatness is a tall order for almost everyone. Why must it be that sort of greatness?

Before you call me harsh, I want to add that I do know what it's like to dream of something for so long and not get it. :(



CryingTears15
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13 Dec 2016, 6:42 pm

No, I understand.

I'm fascinated by history in part because everyone I read about accomplished just that. I bask in their glory.

I'm coming out of it, though. I'm looking forward to other things too, having a marriage and a family, (supposedly I'll get friends in college...), learning on my own, having an area of expertise, though not the best.

You can't be special, but you can be good at something most people aren't. That's how we're all above average.



kraftiekortie
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13 Dec 2016, 6:54 pm

How do you know you'll be just an "adequate" scientist? There are people who become extremely interested in a subject like physics/biology, etc. in college. It could be that the person has acquired the maturity to become proficient, rather than merely average. This does happen.

Many people truly find their niche after a couple of years of college/University.

You can acquire proficiency through hard work, as well as "natural" talent.

Is there anything in particular which you would LOVE to do with your life?



CryingTears15
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13 Dec 2016, 7:12 pm

I like history and creative writing, but I want to do something besides that.

I like research, studying animal behavior, and philosophy.

I am considering bioarcheology. I'm fascinated by pre-human culture.

I suppose I feel most alive when I'm experiencing manmade environments, in a car, or around music.

I want to invent, but I don't have a context to do that in.



kraftiekortie
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13 Dec 2016, 7:18 pm

If you like animal behavior, why don't you study to be a zoologist?



CryingTears15
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13 Dec 2016, 8:04 pm

It's a possibility. I'm illogically turned off by my mom saying zoology is an "easier" science.



naturalplastic
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13 Dec 2016, 9:57 pm

CryingTears15 wrote:
I like history and creative writing, but I want to do something besides that.

I like research, studying animal behavior, and philosophy.

I am considering bioarcheology. I'm fascinated by pre-human culture.


Howabout "paleontology" ( study of fossils).



RetroGamer87
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17 Dec 2016, 6:20 am

CryingTears15 wrote:
It's a possibility. I'm illogically turned off by my mom saying zoology is an "easier" science.
No science is easy. Being a scientist is one of the most challenging jobs.

Which historical figures interest you?


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Kiprobalhato
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27 Dec 2016, 2:40 am

CryingTears15 wrote:
It's a possibility. I'm illogically turned off by my mom saying zoology is an "easier" science.


i'm inclined to believe she believes this is only because animals are everywhere and able to be touched and eaten, so there is little stretch of the imagination.

surely, you can't eat alcubierre drives or psychological defenses.


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LjSpike
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03 Mar 2017, 1:16 pm

I don't think you can know if you'll be great and go down in history, even after you achieve something, and some people who achieve great things don't go down in history (for a while, such as Alan Turing).

Do you think Tim-Berners-Lee went to CERN thinking he'd become a figure who essentially has shaped how we live every aspect of our lives today? I doubt it, I think he just thought, "oh, this would be pretty cool to have a go at, perhaps it'll even work." and coincidentally he achieved greatness.

You could make some spectacular historical discovery, reshaping how we believe human culture to have evolved, discover sentience in another species on this planet, or write a book which others happen to adore (as far as creating things goes, your always your harshest critic, and I really need to start listening to that statement I've preached for so long).

I too hope I may go onto great things, just see it as a goal, give it some structure (i.e. which field you'll become so great in) and try. If you fail, so what?


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RetroGamer87
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03 Mar 2017, 5:04 pm

It's probable that you won't become a historical figure. That's true for us all.


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LjSpike
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04 Mar 2017, 2:56 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
It's probable that you won't become a historical figure. That's true for us all.


But your probably still more likely to become a historical figure than win the US national lottery.


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