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slw1990
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14 Jan 2017, 1:06 am

I haven't.



auntblabby
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14 Jan 2017, 1:35 am

slw1990 wrote:
I haven't.

I have a strong hunch that if you do that, it will tell you what area you are having your functional social deficit.
improv acting is real-time, you have to react authentically in real time in much the same manner as you would in real life. if you have trouble doing this, this then is the area you need to work on, we call it "thinking on one's feet."



Shahunshah
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14 Jan 2017, 3:19 am

slw1990 wrote:
Shahunshah wrote:
slw1990 wrote:
Shahunshah wrote:
I am not sure what you are going to find if you try to reach out to people on the spectrum.

What are your interests?


I've go to an adult autism group, but it mostly has women in it.

I volunteer at an animal shelter and am also in a choir. I'm also interested in some things involving psychology, medical things and nature. I've been working out more for the past few months too so maybe I could follow my aunts suggestion about joining an exercise program.
Crap just realize I asked the same question TWICE!

No but joining the exercise program sounds like a good idea. The experience itself can be relaxing.


I might try it, but it seems like other people who are into exercising are competitive. I'm don't mean to sound more negative, but I notice that if I just talk to a guy it seems like other people try to create a distance because they sometimes act rude to me in front of them. I found out about another autism group though.

Also, there are some guys, at least online, who seem to show interest for a little while, but it eventually fades and it's like a pattern. It especially happens when I meet up with someone. I'm usually not very interested in most of the ones I meet on dating sites, but it's something I notice. Then it seems like when I ask for feed back a lot of peoplethink I'm just looking for reassurance. They say that I'm not doing anything wrong and that I just need to be more confident or that these things happen to everyone. It doesn't help me very much. I'm 26 and have never even kissed or cuddled with anyone and people don't seem to understand that. There has to be something about me that people aren't telling me because it happens almost every time.
Just my thoughts but maybe it is a good idea to talk to a phycologist about this rather than someone you want to date. The problem is that even when you are just looking for feedback you may come across as unconfident since it can show you are unsure of what impression you are creating. That may make men less likely to want to be around you. Maybe I am wrong but it could show to others that you doubt yourself since the need to ask that question usually comes from someone unsure of how they come across.


It depends. Some people in exercising aren't competitive at all it just depends on who you are around. Two years ago when I was 14 I found that to be case.



slw1990
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14 Jan 2017, 11:49 am

Shahunshah wrote:
slw1990 wrote:
Shahunshah wrote:
slw1990 wrote:
Shahunshah wrote:
I am not sure what you are going to find if you try to reach out to people on the spectrum.

What are your interests?


I've go to an adult autism group, but it mostly has women in it.

I volunteer at an animal shelter and am also in a choir. I'm also interested in some things involving psychology, medical things and nature. I've been working out more for the past few months too so maybe I could follow my aunts suggestion about joining an exercise program.
Crap just realize I asked the same question TWICE!

No but joining the exercise program sounds like a good idea. The experience itself can be relaxing.


I might try it, but it seems like other people who are into exercising are competitive. I'm don't mean to sound more negative, but I notice that if I just talk to a guy it seems like other people try to create a distance because they sometimes act rude to me in front of them. I found out about another autism group though.

Also, there are some guys, at least online, who seem to show interest for a little while, but it eventually fades and it's like a pattern. It especially happens when I meet up with someone. I'm usually not very interested in most of the ones I meet on dating sites, but it's something I notice. Then it seems like when I ask for feed back a lot of peoplethink I'm just looking for reassurance. They say that I'm not doing anything wrong and that I just need to be more confident or that these things happen to everyone. It doesn't help me very much. I'm 26 and have never even kissed or cuddled with anyone and people don't seem to understand that. There has to be something about me that people aren't telling me because it happens almost every time.
Just my thoughts but maybe it is a good idea to talk to a phycologist about this rather than someone you want to date. The problem is that even when you are just looking for feedback you may come across as unconfident since it can show you are unsure of what impression you are creating. That may make men less likely to want to be around you. Maybe I am wrong but it could show to others that you doubt yourself since the need to ask that question usually comes from someone unsure of how they come across.


It depends. Some people in exercising aren't competitive at all it just depends on who you are around. Two years ago when I was 14 I found that to be case.


I don't usually ask that feed back for someone I'm trying to date, but from friends and family members.

I'm not always sure how I come across though because I feel like I get misinterpreted a lot.



slw1990
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15 Jan 2017, 1:31 am

auntblabby wrote:
slw1990 wrote:
I haven't.

I have a strong hunch that if you do that, it will tell you what area you are having your functional social deficit.
improv acting is real-time, you have to react authentically in real time in much the same manner as you would in real life. if you have trouble doing this, this then is the area you need to work on, we call it "thinking on one's feet."


Yes, I struggle with that if I'm not already prepared. Maybe I could try to look into it.

I might also be joining another adult autism group that helps with learning social skills.



auntblabby
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15 Jan 2017, 1:34 am

slw1990 wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
slw1990 wrote:
I haven't.

I have a strong hunch that if you do that, it will tell you what area you are having your functional social deficit.
improv acting is real-time, you have to react authentically in real time in much the same manner as you would in real life. if you have trouble doing this, this then is the area you need to work on, we call it "thinking on one's feet."


Yes, I struggle with that if I'm not already prepared. Maybe I could try to look into it. I might also be joining another adult autism group that helps with learning social skills.

I am glad to hear of these new positive developments :wtg:



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15 Jan 2017, 2:36 am

Such experiences are not necessarily uncommon with we so-called HFAs/Aspies. Even with as amazing and incredible that I am, I had never even so much as hugged a girl until after the age of 26, and God-forbid if there was such a thing as anybody who could understand anything I say without misinterpretation.

slw1990 wrote:
It seems like the most important thing for getting into a relationship is to have good social skills and be extroverted and I'm neither. I'm 26 and I've never even cuddled or kissed anyone. I have so much trouble connecting with people and I feel misinterpreted by others a lot. I feel like other autistics I know learned how to connect enough to at least to form a relationship and I can't seem to get there. Guys don't seem to like me unless it's online and a lot of them just seem lonely and don't really like me. Then when I meet guys online it feels fake and unnatural and I almost never feel attracted to them. Guys anywhere irl rarely show interest. The few guys that seem to always like someone else more so finding love feels impossible. I don't think I come off as desperate or anything like that. I don't know what to do about it.


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slw1990
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21 Jan 2017, 2:29 am

Ban-Dodger wrote:
Such experiences are not necessarily uncommon with we so-called HFAs/Aspies. Even with as amazing and incredible that I am, I had never even so much as hugged a girl until after the age of 26, and God-forbid if there was such a thing as anybody who could understand anything I say without misinterpretation.
slw1990 wrote:
It seems like the most important thing for getting into a relationship is to have good social skills and be extroverted and I'm neither. I'm 26 and I've never even cuddled or kissed anyone. I have so much trouble connecting with people and I feel misinterpreted by others a lot. I feel like other autistics I know learned how to connect enough to at least to form a relationship and I can't seem to get there. Guys don't seem to like me unless it's online and a lot of them just seem lonely and don't really like me. Then when I meet guys online it feels fake and unnatural and I almost never feel attracted to them. Guys anywhere irl rarely show interest. The few guys that seem to always like someone else more so finding love feels impossible. I don't think I come off as desperate or anything like that. I don't know what to do about it.


The fist time a guy hugged me, a few years ago, it felt really shocking and confusing. I'm not use to guys acting that way around me. I really crave affection, but the few times guys have been affectionate I would get really uncomfortable.



auntblabby
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21 Jan 2017, 2:32 am

^^^it seems the shy guys would be better for you in that respect, but there's the rub, they aren't gonna be proactive.



RetroGamer87
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21 Jan 2017, 3:33 am

If you had a boyfriend do you think you'd eventually get used to him hugging you or even enjoy it?


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slw1990
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21 Jan 2017, 1:17 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
If you had a boyfriend do you think you'd eventually get used to him hugging you or even enjoy it?


Yes, I would like it and I actually really want affection. The few guys who would be affectionate to me though I just wasn't attracted to.



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22 Jan 2017, 9:29 am

slw1990 wrote:
The fist time a guy hugged me, a few years ago, it felt really shocking and confusing. I'm not use to guys acting that way around me. I really crave affection, but the few times guys have been affectionate I would get really uncomfortable.


I understand that awkwardness. People round here are quite huggy, so I've had lots of quick hello or goodbye hugs from men, but last time I was given a kind of affectionate hug was last year and I hadn't been hugged like that in years. It was definetaly more than a friendly hug, but the guy was really attractive and I just felt awkward and then when I saw him again after than I couldn't talk to him. I tried and tried to make things work, but it all just fell apart and he lost interest. I'm not sure if he ever really knew how much I liked him back. I felt like I was trying to break through a wall that couldn't be broken.



slw1990
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22 Jan 2017, 12:44 pm

hurtloam wrote:
slw1990 wrote:
The fist time a guy hugged me, a few years ago, it felt really shocking and confusing. I'm not use to guys acting that way around me. I really crave affection, but the few times guys have been affectionate I would get really uncomfortable.


I understand that awkwardness. People round here are quite huggy, so I've had lots of quick hello or goodbye hugs from men, but last time I was given a kind of affectionate hug was last year and I hadn't been hugged like that in years. It was definetaly more than a friendly hug, but the guy was really attractive and I just felt awkward and then when I saw him again after than I couldn't talk to him. I tried and tried to make things work, but it all just fell apart and he lost interest. I'm not sure if he ever really knew how much I liked him back. I felt like I was trying to break through a wall that couldn't be broken.


Yeah, affectionate hugs are much more awkward than friendly hugs. Especially when you almost never get affectionate hugs.



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22 Jan 2017, 3:27 pm

hurtloam wrote:
slw1990 wrote:
The fist time a guy hugged me, a few years ago, it felt really shocking and confusing. I'm not use to guys acting that way around me. I really crave affection, but the few times guys have been affectionate I would get really uncomfortable.


I understand that awkwardness. People round here are quite huggy, so I've had lots of quick hello or goodbye hugs from men, but last time I was given a kind of affectionate hug was last year and I hadn't been hugged like that in years. It was definetaly more than a friendly hug, but the guy was really attractive and I just felt awkward and then when I saw him again after than I couldn't talk to him. I tried and tried to make things work, but it all just fell apart and he lost interest. I'm not sure if he ever really knew how much I liked him back. I felt like I was trying to break through a wall that couldn't be broken.


Awwwww :(


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22 Jan 2017, 3:55 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
slw1990 wrote:
The fist time a guy hugged me, a few years ago, it felt really shocking and confusing. I'm not use to guys acting that way around me. I really crave affection, but the few times guys have been affectionate I would get really uncomfortable.


I understand that awkwardness. People round here are quite huggy, so I've had lots of quick hello or goodbye hugs from men, but last time I was given a kind of affectionate hug was last year and I hadn't been hugged like that in years. It was definetaly more than a friendly hug, but the guy was really attractive and I just felt awkward and then when I saw him again after than I couldn't talk to him. I tried and tried to make things work, but it all just fell apart and he lost interest. I'm not sure if he ever really knew how much I liked him back. I felt like I was trying to break through a wall that couldn't be broken.


Awwwww :(


I've given up now. If even guys that really like me end up not wanting anything to do with me, what's the point in trying anymore. I must just be too not right for anyone to put up with.



slw1990
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22 Jan 2017, 7:28 pm

^ Same here. Some guys show interest for a little while, but eventually lose it. Either that or they like someone else more so it feels impossible.