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richardbenson
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14 May 2007, 11:08 am

yes, i think alot of people do it because we dont know how to react.


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JonnyBGoode
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14 May 2007, 12:54 pm

My ex got me into that habit. She was BPD and bi-polar, and thought all the worlds problems were my fault. And becoming co-dependent, I apologized for everything. And then apologized for apologizing so much.

Though when it was a matter of principle and I knew I was in the right, I'd refuse to apologize, no matter how angry she got about it. Which would usually mean I slept on the couch that night...



LostInSpace
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14 May 2007, 1:21 pm

I don't think that I apologize for too many things, but rather that when I apologize for something, I go overboard and have to keep mentioning it until the person get irritated with me. It's like I don't think that my apology was enough- I have to have some sort of proof that the wrong has been righted, and that the person is totally okay with everything.



pluto
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14 May 2007, 6:44 pm

I was going to answer this but I can't really put my thoughts into words.
I must apologize. I'm really sorry about that :wink:


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beautifulspam
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14 May 2007, 7:10 pm

Same here.

Sorry!



Niamh
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06 Aug 2010, 5:45 pm

I apologize for every tiny thing that I think could be my fault. I don't understand when something is important enough to apologize for or whether it's dismissable. And it's very easy for people to convince me I've done a horrible wrong and it can torture me for months, because I'm always trying to break stuff down into right and wrong and I always want to choose right because it seems like the logical thing to do. But people seem to mess with my head a lot and blur the lines between right and wrong. I find it really hurtful when people take out their anger on me because I find it hard to tell if that's all they're doing or if I've really done something to deserve being yelled at, and even if I think they probably were only being moody I have huge trouble convincing myself completely. Can anyone give advice on this? It's a big problem for me, because I often lose sleep over what could be of absolutely no importance at all...



OneStepBeyond
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06 Aug 2010, 5:54 pm

i also find it abit difficult sometimes to tell whether ive done something wrong or whether someones just being stupid. i think its because people have manipulated me in the past which has led me to doubt my own opinions vs what others tell me, and be cautious of whether they are being genuine or just trying to make me feel bad.

i also apologise generally way to much for silly little things. sometimes i automatically say sorry in situations where i did nothing, like when somebody bumps into me:/. i even annoy myself with it



CockneyRebel
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06 Aug 2010, 6:02 pm

I apologize, when I feel that an apology is in order, for example when I wake up, after having a late night meltdown on WP. I don't know if that's too much apologizing, or not.


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Niamh
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07 Aug 2010, 5:15 am

I guess we could see our willingness to apologize as a good quality... It's one thing having people complain that you apologize too much, but imagine how selfish a person you'd have to be to never bother apologizing for anything!

Still, I'd like to be able to understand better when I'm supposed to apologize and when it's not necessary to feel bad at all. It would make sleeping easier sometimes.



Niamh
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07 Aug 2010, 5:34 am

OneStepBeyond wrote:
i also find it abit difficult sometimes to tell whether ive done something wrong or whether someones just being stupid. i think its because people have manipulated me in the past which has led me to doubt my own opinions vs what others tell me, and be cautious of whether they are being genuine or just trying to make me feel bad.

i also apologise generally way to much for silly little things. sometimes i automatically say sorry in situations where i did nothing, like when somebody bumps into me:/. i even annoy myself with it


Sounds like me! I hate apologizing so much but I can't help genuinely feeling bad about little things that might not even be anybody's fault. It's another source of anxiety for us in a confusing world I guess. It's like my mind only sees right and wrong all the time and if one tiny little thing makes me feel like it could possibly be something I could have prevented, even if it was someone joking with me and then telling me so afterwards, I'll put it in the "Wrong" category and I'll beat myself up over it. I wish I didn't have those two big divides and could just deal with grey areas like everyone else can.



Ferdinand
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07 Aug 2010, 5:40 am

Yup.


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07 Aug 2010, 1:50 pm

Constantly, and if I don't say 'sorry' for something more than once I feel extremely guilty.


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