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Lavender33
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15 Dec 2016, 3:22 am

Hey. Um. Sorry for making this thread.

My parents have recently proved that despite their saying things like, "We know how to support you now!" and "We understand EVERYTHING now!" they have no idea what they're doing.

My mom read a few books and even listens to podcasts about kids with Aspergers. Yet somehow, it doesn't seem like she read any of them, because she completely overlooks some of the main points of each book she said she's read and each podcast she says she's listened to.

Don't literally all the good books say, "Don't stop your child from stimming, the best way to help with meltdowns is to prevent them, and be supportive and quiet during one" and stuff like that? Those are the messages of most parenting websites I've come across, and at least ONE of those books she claims to have read (I read it before her, and she seems to have forgotten the main points or something).

The reason it seems like she does this is because she still grabs my hands to still them, asks me constantly for some reason, "are you having a meltdown?" when it's VERY CLEAR I AM NOT, and when I DO, she says stuff like, "I know you're not happy right now, but could you pull yourself out of this? I don't really want to deal with this right now."

That last one was the one that shocked my most. To my ears, and I'd believe a lot of autistic's ears, that's saying, "Hey, you know this awful, horrible, uncontrollable point of no return? Yeah, it's not convenient for me, so could you stop?"

Is there a way to make my parents understand a little better? Whenever I try to bring it up to explain to them, my mom waves me away, calling herself my "guide dog" for these things, and my dad sorta misunderstands me in such a spectacular way that I just have to leave the conversation before my brains get any more scrambled.

Help?



drlaugh
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15 Dec 2016, 6:46 am

Finding the right place/ person for help was priceless to this "Reader and Righter".

Mine was
A. Math class including Yes, homework
B. My Aunt not mom
C. Non standard fidgets - a deck of cards

Finding your own solution - Priceless
Realizing solutions in life change-
Argh. 8)


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Lunella
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15 Dec 2016, 7:22 am

Do you have any other family members you can tell who will actually listen to you properly? I figure your way of explaining isn't getting through to their thick skulls. Like, they're just reading other peoples problems with autism when autism is super different for so many individual people, almost like they're just grouping you into "girl with autism" when they should be like "daughter has individual specific needs".

I had a friend with a similar problem a while ago, she ended up writing a very heartfelt letter to her parents because they wouldn't listen to her, which she put a lot of thought into as she couldn't say what she wanted to in words, nor would they listen to her properly before the letter. Perhaps you could do this? It's different when their own kid is writing them a letter usually.


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The term Aspergers is no longer officially used in the UK - it is now regarded as High Functioning Autism.


FandomConnection
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27 Dec 2016, 6:12 pm

Have you tried discussing with her what she's doing wrong? You could write up a list/table of the recommended approaches for parents, and contrast this with her actions, e.g.:
Stimming
Recommended action: Don't prevent your child from stimming, as it helps to alleviate the risk of meltdowns.
Your actions: ......

and so on. You can show her the relevant passages in the books she supposedly read.


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Diagnosed: Autism Spectrum Disorder Level 1 without accompanying language impairment
I find it easiest to connect with people through the medium of fandoms, and enjoy the feeling of solidarity.
Too often, people say things they don't mean, and mean things they don't say.