As an autistic woman I feel ...

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-observant
-empathic
-openminded
-openhearted
-accepting
-curious
-generous
-synesthetic
-a survivalist

I feel confused about who I am. Sometimes I wonder if I'm Aspergers or not, because being a girl with it makes the traits seem more complex. I displayed so many Autism traits as a child, and as an adult I display very few. I seem to be more ADHD now.

.. That I'm a Girl than a Woman.

.. That being Female is just a biological thing than an identity.



.. That I never belonged. Even if everyone loves and respects me, I still don't feel like I'm in. I had unintentionally burned bridges, but I have yet to intentionally burn any.

.. VERY.MISUNDERSTOOD. And very different from others. But I could care less... Though I'd appreciate an Equal that could sync with me with little little or no compromise.
And I had online, once upon a time...



.. And very, VERY bored right now.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
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Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

....That apart from my husband and kids not one person in this world cares that I exist.
Thank God for them.

I feel completely invalidated most of the time in social situations. I'm giving up on it.

Not really like a woman, but also not like a man.

That I have got PCOS doesn't really help (a hormone disorder that makes you produce more testosterone).

I mostly feel gender neutral, as something somewhere inbetween. I am comfortable with that though. I am also bisexual and like looking at women so I have no problem with being one and like my body.

I don't like society's expectations of women as I fit nearly none of them, I'm not much of a cleaner, totally not into fashion, dislike pop music etc. Now I know there are plenty of women not interested in those things, but it's like I radiate something unfeminine. Ex boyfriends told me being with me was like being with another dude.

I'm ok with that, but it makes relationships pretty hard. Most straight guys want a feminine woman, and most lesbians do too.

Good thing I'm not so interested in relationships anyway

... exhausted and over-burdened.

I would happily spend my entire life watching, but not participating. Getting crankier with age.

[quote="screen_name"]...better able to understand my autistic son.

...like my NT friends' beloved "pet", instead of one of the group.


Oh my gosh! This beloved pet statement! I didn't know how to describe it. I have a small group of gals who "adopted" me into their circle several years ago and they actually say out loud that I'm nothing like them but I am an important part of the circle. So weird. That description fits well.

I annoy everyone and everyone annoys me

-like a professional anthropologist of my own gender, and sometimes species
-like I don't exist or am an extreme anomaly within an anomaly
-like I'm pretending/acting all the time, which I am
-bad for autistics who for reasons mental/emotional/physical/structural within society can't pretend or can't remain invisible (because they get offered menial jobs and socially discarded at best and outright abused at worst)
-scared someone I at work will someday somehow put all the "clues" together

Like an intricate patchwork quilt of other people's mannerisms etc. Only the stitching is dodgy. Who exactly am i?! !

Really happy to have finally got my official diagnosis, age 41!

marginalised
misunderstood by NTs
misunderstood by doctors

- overwhelmed
- misunderstood
- lonely
- observer from the outside, not a participant
- not really like a woman, I see myself as having no gender
- but on the other hand kind of connected to Nature and Universe in a really deep way
- free from emotional turmoil and nonsense that many people have in their lives
- sensitive: to color, sound, smell, movement, texture, patterns - and it brings me joy
- I feel like a good mother - I give my daughter plenty of freedom and just enough guidance to make her feel secure, I don't burden her with my ambitions, I'm always ready to talk and support her