Getting loved ones to help?

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For anyone struggling with psychiatric/cognitive disorders, it can cause a lot of conflict within interpersonal relationships to try and work around it. It's especially difficult if you are struggling to get the correct treatment in your area, can't afford treatment or are on a waiting list to receive treatment. It's frustrating for all parties involved and it can put a lot of pressure on loved ones to try to accommodate for the individual. It can also make the individual feel like a burden on the ones they love, especially if their condition makes it difficult for them to gain employment or have much independence.

I have been struggling with mental health issues pretty badly this year. Recently my meds had to be changed a couple of times and it has been difficult to get things done. I also have ADHD so being able to manage my condition is very difficult. I don't really have much of a support network at this time.

I have asked my family to help me in practical ways, such as writing down lists instead of expecting me to remember or just to not dismiss my depression when I am having a bad day. I know my mum is trying but sometimes she'll say careless things like "What is it this time?" or "When are you not upset about something?". They ask me to talk to them and be candid about my feelings but when I try to find a good time to talk I am often told that they don't want to talk to me. Nowadays I just don't see the point in talking to them much because I know we're going to argue. They accuse me of wanting to be sick or choosing to see the bad side of the situation or tell me that I am being selfish because they have big problems and that I am acting like I'm the only one who has it bad. I really don't feel that way at all but I guess I can't blame them for feeling that way. I can be kind of needy towards them, specifically. I'm just really not sure what to do.

I'm not saying that my family should drop everything for me and look after me. What I am saying is that they don't seem to know how much I do try to overcome my issues. I don't want them to be my therapist or to fix my problems, but it would be nice if they showed more support for me when I'm struggling (especially my mum). It would be nice if we could have some more structure and predictability in our schedules. I'd love it if they offered to help me do "common sense" stuff like managing day to day tasks. Even just some light prompting is fine instead of "Why do I always have to remind you not to do that!?".

I don't want to mischaracterise my family. They do try very hard and I know things have been difficult for them. I just think we would all benefit if we had structure to make our lives less stressful. That would go a long way in facing the challenges we face.

Where do I start? I've been trying to do research on this and suggested some things but my family don't want to participate, even though it would benefit all of us.

I see so many parallels in what you are describing to how my last 10+ years have gone. I think I've spent half of my energy over all that time just trying to get others to listen (family as well as doctors), to understand and be supportive.

I went through the years of being blamed for my illnesses, insinuations that I wanted to be sick, the "someone out there has it worse than you" and the "your not the only one who's sick" or claiming I've somehow exceeded my quota of health problems in a given day or week. The comments that implied I wasn't trying that would come when I got sicker and the praise for my efforts when my health would improve. What they didn't understand was that I was giving it my all the entire time, and just because I got worse, didn't mean I wasn't working hard to overcome my problems nor was it that when my health improved that I was somehow working harder.

There was certainly a lot of fighting, and suffering and time involved to get them to understand. Getting a formal diagnosis of autism certainly changed things for the better in my interpersonal relationship with my family. I also bring my mom to appointments with my social worker or doctor from time to time. I find having them observe from a health professional that you aren't making things up and to observe the effort I put forth, as well as having them explain that to my mom helped. I know you are on a waiting list, but if you either have or will get access to a social worker or therapist, it can help to have them explain stuff to your parents. People who are intent on misunderstanding you are more likely to listen to a third party than they are you.

Browsing the web for some well written, concise and easy to understand articles on the conditon you have that describe the situation you are trying to get your parents to understand can help if you can get them to read them (it is usually takes some convincing). Videos work too, as long as they are relatively short, they might be more open to watching them at first than they are reading.

I have ADHD as well, and I use my organizer in my phone to help remind me of all my appointments and things I have to do, or else I would likely miss many of them. Daily activities like taking meds are easier to repeat day after day if they become part of your routine/habit and you are able to do them on autopilot, they don't end up taking as much mental resources/executive functioning to complete.

Hope you don't have to go through the level of arguing that I had to go through to get your family to listen.