Have you ignored your friends when you were depressed?

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mr_bigmouth_502
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03 Jan 2017, 7:01 pm

I think it's pretty normal to ignore your friends when you're depressed. I know I've done it a bunch of times. It's something I've actually been doing a lot of lately.


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Lunella
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04 Jan 2017, 1:32 pm

Scheimaa wrote:
Lunella wrote:
Well that's really considerate of you OP.

When it comes to depressed friends, they are like.. stuck in time and unable to force themselves to do anything because they feel that sad. The loss of motivation to even talk to someone eventhough it will make you feel better is super hard to do when you're doing really bad like that. When I was bad with it some years ago I found that when my friends would just randomly come over and force themselves into my presence it helped eventhough I wasn't happy with it - because that's the key to depression I've found, forcing yourself to do things that will make you feel better, like exercise and eating healthy etc.

Sometimes when I get bad with depression I don't talk to anyone for months apart from the bf. I have some really good friends I haven't even spoken to for like a year and yet when I see them it's like it was yesterday we last saw each other. Don't make her feel bad for not seeing you or ignoring you because she's probably so sad she can't even think straight.

Since she's lost her mother she will be going through bereavement, 4 months isn't long at all - it's still like a fresh wound. I wouldn't wish that on anyone though because bereavement is really horrible and some people don't even get over it for years depending on how strong their bond with someone was.

She will just be really sad like all the time. There's honestly not huge amounts you can do apart from words of encouragement and telling her it's ok to rant to you, try to get her out of the house and get her mind focused on something else if you can. If she's really bad though - it might be worth telling her dad she needs bereavement therapy.

Thank you for your insight, especially about 4 months not being long, i will try to be more patient.
the problem is that she moved out after her mother's death, and now i can't go to her house because i don't know where it is, i tried thought but she said to her sister that she doesn't want me to come and visit her because the place where she is living now isn't organised, i know that she always want to be as good as possible around people even around me she is always in the best mood as if she is trying to impress me.


No worries.
I can understand her not wanting to be in the family home after someone has died but it sounds like your friend doesn't want to show weakness which is bad because that means they don't want to show they are depressed and need help because they don't want to be seen as weak even though it's ok to be weak and need help. So she will make up excuses like it's not organised etc.

I used to be like this when I was younger, the only thing that helped was when my friends and family forced themselves over anyway because they realised I was doing this - they came over even if it was a mess or whatever because it puts you in a different mind state. My friends were very forceful after giving me some time because they wanted the best for me, not to sit around and be sad all the time. I would give her another 4 months and see if anything is different, maybe make sure the family check in on her a lot.

Good luck.


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MagicMeerkat
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04 Jan 2017, 1:49 pm

I don't have any friends to ignore.


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eggheadjr
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04 Jan 2017, 3:08 pm

Jensen wrote:
Yes - and I´ve lost some.


^^^ has happened to me as well.


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crystaltermination
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04 Jan 2017, 4:47 pm

As I was falling deeper and deeper into depression nearing the end of college, the group of friends I saw usually once a week quickly became all too much for me. It was a nasty, vicious circle of battling the anxiety of seeing them, being too tired to make any effort, and simply not being remotely in the mood to socialise, which takes a huge amount of energy. I was probably seen as quite rude. I began to ignore more and more of their messages on social media, until eventually there were no more messages. Looking at the situation from the opposite side, your friend ignoring you probably isn't personal if she is undergoing an extremely bad time at the moment. If she ignores all contact, it might be best to wait it out, however long, until she makes the next move, but if it's depression, that could admittedly be a long wait.


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RandomFox
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07 Jan 2017, 1:46 pm

Yes, 3 times in my life I was clinically depressed and had to take meds long term and every single time I just used to shut down and not reach out to anybody. I played computer games a lot, wrote in a diary, tried my best to still go to work whenever I could and remember about day to day chores and it consumed all my energy to the point of exhaustion. I didn't want to talk to anybody, most of my attention turned inwards.

Luckily, when meds started to work, I got out of it all and re-connected with some friends, it took time, but at least my best friend understood. I was on the other side of the equation too - one of my friends is bipolar and when he was in a depressive phase it was like he ceased to exist. At some point I thought he might be dead, he wasn't even opening the door while home, but every time he'd reappear and then contact me like nothing ever happened, so I got used to it.



Fraser_1990
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08 Jan 2017, 6:12 am

I don't have any friends to ignore which is one of the many reasons i'm depressed.


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Fraser_1990
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08 Jan 2017, 6:13 am

MagicMeerkat wrote:
I don't have any friends to ignore.


Snap


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rowan_nichol
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08 Jan 2017, 8:46 am

yes, for me the early warning signs of a burnout or exhaustion are the People side getting harder, it feeling harder to make a telephone call, write an e-mail, meet face to face etc.



RandomFox
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08 Jan 2017, 9:48 am

rowan_nichol wrote:
People side getting harder, it feeling harder to make a telephone call, write an e-mail, meet face to face etc.


Yes! I've always struggled with using telephone. I think I pretty much phone people (if not at work) maybe 3 times a year normally and when I was depressed I wouldn't even pick up the phone if someone was ringing. Just no chance.
It's one of my main autistic problems and it's been all my life - on the phone I struggle to process any info, I forget what people said instantly if I don't write it down (so I write down everything), often I need to close my eyes when taking a call (that looks super weird at work), voices seem like people are far far away and then like SO CLOSE to my ear. Never-ending struggle. Still, when depressed, I refused to use the phone at all and when Dr told me "phone that number to arrange counselling" I felt like a scared animal. So I found a way to do the same by email, but then they rang me and I couldn't speak... nightmare.



DancingCorpse
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11 Jan 2017, 1:17 am

I quietly slinked into the background and sank away from a lot of friends (first time I had the opp to meet people properly but was a complicated period of life where my focus was elsewhere) I had made whilst studying, I had ten tons of dirt to process regarding my mental health and the path I had roamed, it was not hard to sail off into my own exile as there was no space for that kind of stuff because I had to figure out what I needed and wanted and who I was and why I was blah de blah, I'm no good at juggling. Depression was and is a large thundercloud I deal with, I found I couldn't relate to many folk I used to know when I emerged. I still have a few great humans I trust and feel at peace sharing with. I hope to make more friends in this new light I am trying to follow and intend to settle in some good meadows which will be more fulfilling than what I have experienced in the past and give way to deeper connections which will be gold dust even when i'm navigating down periods, I feel I may be able to enjoy friendships at this stage of my journey.



Scheimaa
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26 Mar 2017, 5:37 pm

i have good news, till yesterday i couldn't talk to my friend, her sister always ignored my calls and when i call her father he would tell me that he will tell her to call me back but that never happened, so i somewhat thought that maybe i won't be able to meet her again, but today my mother saw my friend in a shop near my house and talked with her then succeeded in convincing her to come and see me.
i was really surprised, was just feeling like " WOW ", i am trying to just contact her for about half a year and now without warning she is in my house. turned out she was in a mental hospital for a month and a half, and that her sister doesn't like me for some stupid reason and doesn't see me as a good friend for her sister so she was telling her that she shouldn't talk with me, even thought she doesn't have any friends beside me ' i wish she had '.
and also my friend was angry with me because i didn't let her talk about her mother's death when i phoned her after hearing about what happened and told her that we can meet and talk later, of course i had no idea that she wanted to talk with me about her mother's death on the phone, and i am bad at consoling people because i usually don't know what to say at all.
anyway i gave her my phone number and she gave me her new phone number and we talked after she returned home, it was obvious to me that she is on medication for her depression because she was restless and talked a lot, but i was very happy to be in touch with her again, and she says that she is also very happy that we met, and wants to talk with me about her problems, i am going to visit her this Friday and can't really believe that it just happened like this. :D