How Do You Balance Introversion and Other People?

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TheOtherMaidOfTarth
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12 Jan 2017, 2:43 pm

This is to all the other introverts out there (you can also comment if you aren't; other opinions are welcome). Are you able to balance other people (relationships, friendships etc) with your need for time alone? Do the people in your life appreciate your need for alone time?

I don't think I've gotten the hang of it — in the past when I had more friends than fingers on one hand, I wasn't the best at keeping in contact with them, and that's how the majority have fallen to the wayside... oops.

Also, when you're upset or depressed (not a euphemism, I mean actually apathetic to the point of sometimes having no appetite/will to eat) do you retreat into yourself until you're feeling reasonably alright again for social interaction or just steamroll over it? I'm the former — that's not to say I'm in a constant state of agitation or what not, just that I'd rather not have to act... well, act period. Do people understand if you're the former?


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the_phoenix
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12 Jan 2017, 10:02 pm

Hi TheOtherMaidOfTarth,

You sound opposite to me.

I wish I had plenty more friends to interact with.
Yes, I need alone time, and at times might get overwhelmed by even pleasant social interaction, as in, I need a little time to figure out how best to respond ...
and maybe I do need time to rest and recharge ...
But yeah, I could stand some more social interaction all right ...
and would love to have the problem of balancing introversion and other people ...
so bring on the people, I'm ready to party! 8)



LogicOrNot
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12 Jan 2017, 10:24 pm

TheOtherMaidOfTarth,

Yes, this is one of the issues I struggle with quite a lot. I find being around other people overwhelming, and most of the activities I enjoy are solitary. I moved to a city where I knew no one for two years for a job. I made one friend outside of work, and would see him maybe once per month. I spent the rest of my time outside of work among strangers or home alone. It was weird, in that I felt a sense of something that I identified as loneliness, but I was not unhappy on the whole. I was able to devote most of my time to pursuing my hobbies and interests, and I really enjoyed that and got a lot done. The loneliness felt more like an unfulfilled physical need -- more like a kind of boredom than an emotional longing.

I want to have friends, but my social difficulties make relationships difficult. Forming them, maintaining them. I have trouble with interpersonal communication, and I often feel unable to express myself in relationships. I often feel the need to retreat into myself to feel alright about things.



TheOtherMaidOfTarth
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13 Jan 2017, 6:47 am

the_phoenix wrote:
Hi TheOtherMaidOfTarth,

You sound opposite to me.

I wish I had plenty more friends to interact with.
Yes, I need alone time, and at times might get overwhelmed by even pleasant social interaction, as in, I need a little time to figure out how best to respond ...
and maybe I do need time to rest and recharge ...
But yeah, I could stand some more social interaction all right ...
and would love to have the problem of balancing introversion and other people ...
so bring on the people, I'm ready to party! 8)


Hi, thanks for posting.

Awful thing is times I wish I had more friends too, not even for the social interaction — just for them to be there so when I want to talk I can. Yet my introversion got in the way of most of that so... they'll all gone! Only parties round here are the pity parties, haha (facetiousness is another problem of mine. So sorry).


LogicOrNot wrote:
TheOtherMaidOfTarth,

Yes, this is one of the issues I struggle with quite a lot. I find being around other people overwhelming, and most of the activities I enjoy are solitary.


This is it exactly. I should branch out, get new hobbies but my anxiety stops me (have an anxiety disorder as well as Aspergers, not on mess either) and the one thing that would help is having someone(s) to go with me. As the hobbies I want to try out are done in groups so I wouldn't feel good going by myself and not knowing anyone. That is something I've done before btw, going to new places by myself and I was too anxious to enjoy myself. There's also the fact some of my hobbies (historical in nature) wouldn't have interested my late-teenage old friends, eve in we had still been in contact. But that's enough back story.

I identify very strongly with the rest of what you've said. Loneliness does feel like boredom in a way. Yet at times you aren't unhappy perse, perhaps unfulfilled? I definitely have trouble maintaining relationships too (online ones seem to be okay) which is where my original question kicks in. I feel like 80% of the time I need or want to be alone, like a craving, the way one needs air, 20% I wish I wasn't... Those numbers aren't concrete either. But I know some of what I can do to feel halfway to fulfilled again, so that's something.

Thank you for posting.


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whatamievendoing
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13 Jan 2017, 6:55 am

I like to think I manage to arrange my time so that I get a healthy enough amount of social interaction so I don't go insane. I do still spend most of my time in solitude, though.


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13 Jan 2017, 11:02 pm

The key for introverts is smaller groups of close friends. Which are hard to find when you have to meet many people to find close friends to begin with. I get in a lot of social time at work or online which allows me to multitask or visit with people in comfort.



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14 Jan 2017, 5:33 am

Canary wrote:
The key for introverts is smaller groups of close friends. Which are hard to find when you have to meet many people to find close friends to begin with.


This. So much this. It's really quite frustrating in a sense.


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14 Jan 2017, 1:44 pm

whatamievendoing wrote:
Canary wrote:
The key for introverts is smaller groups of close friends. Which are hard to find when you have to meet many people to find close friends to begin with.


This. So much this. It's really quite frustrating in a sense.


Mhm. I hear the suggestion to go to places like Meetups all the time, which don't require any pre-existing connections, but those are iffy. There's a lot of people, it's a lot of work to get actually involved, and it's hard for things to become more personal in big groups. I have my own schedule with work and my family so I can't always make their schedules, either.

But coworkers and online relationships tend to be very transient, so I can feel lonely, anyway.



TheOtherMaidOfTarth
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16 Jan 2017, 7:06 am

Canary wrote:
whatamievendoing wrote:
Canary wrote:
The key for introverts is smaller groups of close friends. Which are hard to find when you have to meet many people to find close friends to begin with.


This. So much this. It's really quite frustrating in a sense.


I second that. Or third that...

Quote:
Mhm. I hear the suggestion to go to places like Meetups all the time, which don't require any pre-existing connections, but those are iffy. There's a lot of people, it's a lot of work to get actually involved, and it's hard for things to become more personal in big groups. I have my own schedule with work and my family so I can't always make their schedules, either.

But coworkers and online relationships tend to be very transient, so I can feel lonely, anyway.


I've been to Meetups. The profile page for my first said something along the lines of, 'come along, there are lots of different people with different backgrounds and if you come more than once, you're sure to make friends,' then I get there, start talking to this woman who'd been to quite a few of them and she tells me she rarely sees the same people more than once, that it's best to bring a friend. (Catch-22.) Well, the next time I went with my mentor and it wasn't as bad as the time before, but different because we're now paired off into groups of 4, to look around St Paul's Cathedral. My mentor can talk to the other two well enough because they have things in common (like having gone to the same university in another part of England, or having visited the same country one of the other women was from) and I, I could only sit there and listen for the most part.

To sum up, trying to meet new people at Meetups might be iffy. It was for me anyway.

I have had a few online friendships, most were short; one went on a year at least, on a fanfic site, lots of laughs, then we fell out of contact for around two years. Recently got back in touch and it wasn't the same unfortunately. We're different people now.


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