Living with other people

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I hate making decisions because I always fear I'll make the wrong one.

My lease is it up for renewal. If I don't renew it, I move back in with mum (or maybe my grandparents). Either way, I live rent free. Then I can save for a house.

At the moment saving for a house deposit seems virtually impossible because I'm paying full rent by myself. Most of my colleagues are buying houses now (even though they're a few years younger than me).

I could move back in with mum. I should move back in with mum. It would make more sense. But I can't bring myself to do it. Am I being an idiot? Am I wasting another $20,000 over the next year?

I'm so tired and the thought of moving again fills me with dread. I hate moving all that furniture. Then again, there might be no need because mum's house doesn't have any room. I might have to throw all that expensive furniture out (while I'm still paying it off) or put it in storage (which is expensive).

It would be the similar if I moved in with my grandparents. They have a nice small house filled with nice furniture. No room for my stuff. I would be confined to their small guest bedroom. I mean, of course they would let me go in living room, dining room, kitchen, etc but those rooms offer no privacy or space to put my stuff. In my apartment every room offers privacy. Mum has a nice small house but she's a clinical hoarder so there's really no room in it.

Maybe I could get a housemate to pay half but I like having my own space. I like having privacy. The thought of living with another person makes me feel very uncomfortable.

Speaking from experience, I had a housemate a few years ago and it did make feel very uncomfortable. Having another person in my house was downright creepy.

I don't mind being around other people at work but after 8 hours of being on my guard I like to be alone so I can be myself. Being around other people is exhausting for me so if I lived with other people I could never have any rest.

Am I being stupid? Am I throwing my money away? Am I setting myself up for being unable to grow my wealth? Should I just bite the bullet and move in with my hoarder mum for a few years? Sure I'll hate it but people who retire rich had to endure hardship when they were younger, right?

Maybe my problem is I can't deal with long term delayed gratification. The most intelligent and successful people can and I don't fit into those categories.

If I hadn't been so stupid I could have been buying one now too. A while before I got this job I thought living with mother was a sign of immaturity. I wanted to move out of home as soon as possible. I had a low paying job back then so buying a house wasn't an option.

Now that I have a higher paying job for the last two years it would have been an option. If I hadn't already moved out of home that is. One of them is even moving into a 12th floor apartment right in the middle of the city.

How foolish I was. One of my friends stayed with her parents and I teased her for still living with mum and dad. In those extra years she was able to save for the deposit on a house, which was what she planned all along. I shouldn't have teased her. Serves me right. If I had been smart like her I would have stayed home.

Now my colleagues tease me about being a renter (subtly, they don't resort to outright name calling). They imply that I was kind of dumb and I can't blame them for that. They're right. I was kind of dumb. I can't help but berate myself for not being as smart as they were.

The younger I start paying a mortgage the younger I can finish it. That would leave me with more time of living rent free. If I bought a house at 25 like all of those guys than buy 50 I would not be paying rent or mortgage. This could either give me a lot of extra spendin' cash or more money to invest.

Some of my colleague's parents own 6 and 13 houses (respectively). They bought their first house young. They were then able to save enough for the deposit on another. They then the rent to be the same amount as the mortgage payments. So, aside from the deposit they got a free second house. After they they bought several other houses and had tenants paying of multiple houses at a time (while they paid nothing themselves). All their extra income went into deposits for more houses, none of it was needed for mortgage payments. The tenants paid that. Several decades later they own 6 and 13 houses (respectively). They own them though they didn't pay for them. Their tenants did. They still collect rent but the mortgages are paid off. They collect about $300 per week on each house ($300 per week times 6 and 13, respectively).

I have no doubt they'll eventually do the same as their parents did. me? Not only am I a few years older than them, not only have I not yet started saving but if I did save it would be at a much slower rate.

We each get 70 or 80 years on Earth and so if I try to do the same thing when I'm decades older I won't have much time to collect on long term exponential growth.

If I achieve my goal of buying a house when I'm 35, it's scarcely an achievement at all when they did it at 25. It almost seems like it's not worth doing it at all if I'm ten years behind. They boast about their houses. If I buy a house I'll probably keep it a secret because I'll be ashamed of being 35 or more by the time I do it.

If they have investments at a younger age (real estate or otherwise) then they'll have a lot more exponential growth during their lifetimes. I started to late so investing seems almost pointless now. The fact that I'll get a lower return makes me even less able to deal with delayed gratification. What's the point of trying really hard to get a result that's not as good?

By the time they're 55 they'll be wealthy and I'll still be relatively poor. If I'm lucky I'll own only one house. They'll own one or more of theirs plus the house(s) they inherited from their parents (as many as 13). When my parents die I'll inherit nothing of significant value because my parents are poor.

Is your mother really a "hoarder," like one sees on TV?

Sounds like your grandmother's place might not be a bad idea. I think she would welcome the company, and feel safer, besides, owing to your presence. Doe she treat you well?

Not that bad but she has rooms that are waist high full of junk. She doesn't keep old food packets or anything like that but her kitchen has far too many utensils for that amount of space. Her dining table is covered in old junkmail she claims she's going to read and you can't sit down because the couch is covered in luggage and other things.

She actually likes watching that hoarders show because when she sees houses full of dead cats, etc it makes her feel normal in comparison. She's not that extreme.She treats me reasonably well. I may be subjected to her mediocre cooking. She hates other people cooking in her kitchen.

Maybe I should wait for Grandpa to die. That way the house will have more room in it (and I can sit in his recliner).

I know this is probably stupid of me but, aside from the exorbitant cost I really really like the apartment I'm in now. It pains me to think of giving it up.

The only minor downsides are that it's not in the city and it's only on the 5th floor but the design is perfect. This building has bigger apartments in the corners and I'm in the corner. This means I get an extra large main bedroom with a big bay window. The windows are perfectly angled for privacy and it's very close to a train station where even the express trains have to stop. I was actually thinking of buying the apartment I'm in now one day if I can.

I just feel like a real idiot when everyone else is buying and I still haven't.

Sounds like your mother's place wouldn't be a great place to take prospective lovers.

Sounds like your own apartment, even if rented, would be an ideal place to take prospective lovers.

I know it's unavoidable---but comparing yourself to other people, ultimately, is useless.

If I compared myself to other people all the time, I would be constantly depressed...

No. It wouldn't be. They wouldn't be impressed by her cluttered house and gross kitchen (the sink is always so full, I can't get a glass of water because dishes are stacked right up to the tap.

My grandparents small, neat house is more pleasant, if a little old fashioned but the trouble is, they live in it.

Even my previous apartment on the ground floor had the advantageous that me and date would be the only two in there.Last year I served a girl dinner on the balcony. Ok it was KFC but she really liked the view.

I was thinking of taking a break from dating because I'm always so tired yet I feel like I should always be doing something productive. Also dating can get expensive. It could reduce my saving power.Yes I do and yes I am.

The things they do, they prove that it's possible to do. If they can do it why can't I?

I try to stop but it feels like I'm losing a part of myself. Even if it's a bad part of myself it feels like I'm losing my identity.

It's always one or two things. Lately it's been "everyone but me has a degree" and "Lots of other people bought a house".

It used to be stuff like "never had a girlfriend" or "most people have a job but I don't".



Those feelings usually go away when I accomplish the thing. e.g. I stopped worrying about "never had a girlfriend" after I'd had one for a few months.

But I don't know if it's better to try and achieve all of these things or if it's better to try and convince myself I don't have to.

How long are your leases, anyway?

I'd kill to get an apartment with a balcony!

It would be great if you learned how to cook a bit. KFC, and balconies, sometimes don't mix (though they could with non-pretentious types of girls.

The lease is for a year.

The KFC was her idea

Regardless I should still learn to cook.

Maybe I should make that my goal instead of going back to TAFE.

Tonight I bought the ingredients for dough (Afghan beverage). Not an actual food but after I tried it at the Afghan restaurant we had lunch at today I wanted to try making it myself.

Last edited by RetroGamer87 on 13 Jan 2017, 9:03 am, edited 1 time in total.

I was going to say that you've made lots of progress over the past 2 years or so.

You went from being a bloke on the Dole to a man having a balcony apartment.

Now...your next step...is to realize that you're a viable guy.

I guess I did.

Often it's hard for me to see that. I think some of the high achievers see me as a bit of a kid. Even though I'm older than them.

I suppose I have to try to remember that I'm a real adult, even if I don't have a degree or a house. I have to try to remember that I'm an adult even if I don't feel like one. Even if 25 year olds have more life achievements than me.

The thing is I'm starting to think that feeling depressed is just as much as a mistake as the mistakes that lead to it. It makes me unpleasant to be around.

I try to stop but it's like one step forward, two steps back. I'll feel good about myself for a few hours then something always happens to remind me how behind I am.

Your next step should be getting your credit to an optimal level, so you'll be approved for a mortgage.

And stop reading those dating statistics and hanging out on those idiot websites.

Are you into Aussie Rules Football?

I have found that many of the best (and feminine) women are sports fans.

Just don't get into all the dating scene crap; they hate that stuff.

I didn't buy a house until it is 38. But, now that the mortgage is paid off, I have a lot more spending money.

Don't worry about your colleagues or friend's pace. Each of us moves at our own pace. A lot of my friends are married and have kids right now. I'm in a faltering relationship that at the moment, is probably going to fall apart because of my poor choices. But I know the world isn't over...or at least I hope I do.

Also don't worry about what they think. To be honest, I wouldn't want to live with my mom or grandparents. But if this was only for one year, and then you'd get a house, I might consider it. The immaturity thing would be for a short time only, and then you'd have taken a nice step forward.

Moving furniture is a nightmare. I honestly have thought of getting a moving company even for my small apartment move. It's just convenient. That could be an idea if necessary.

Try to plan it out. Plan out pros and cons of each, write them down, compare, and then write out the road to get to each. Then choose whichever is favorable. Obviously your long term goal is to get a house. The question is what road sounds the best for you to get there? I think if you put some foundation on your thoughts it might help.

Which idiotic websites? Do you mean dating websites?

My credit score should be perfect since I've never missed a minimum payment.

The trick is simply paying it off and then saving about $50,000 for a deposit. I might be able to reduce this to about $15,000 if I can get them to accept Grandpa as guarantor. Either way, it's not a problem of credit, it's a problem of not being able to save very much per month.

If I can only save a few hundred per month (and only on months in which I don't have any extra expenses, such as going to the dentist) then it would take many years for me to come up with the deposite.