Comparing myself to my older brother

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My older brother's romantic history has been the exact opposite of mine. He's had no trouble asking girls out and some even threw themselves at him. He would even throw parties and girls would show up. Besides one short lived lucky relationship, my romantic history is shallower than a puddle.

Sure, he's had plenty of break ups, a divorce, two cancelled marriages, he's stuck in a bad relationship with a "baby mama", and he's up to his armpits in child support but he has plenty of dating experience and has the freedom of choice to go back into the dating world. But myself, I can't even get in the doorway.

He's often told me I need to become like him which involves being a sexist, racist, xenophobic, and homophobic bigot but I refuse to do so. But I hate how trying to be my own person has left me in the dust while he doesn't even have to try.

It was depressing that my brother had women throwing themselves at him all through High School/College yet only dated three of them long term while I couldn't even get a hug. It made it more frustrating that all of them are absolutely nuts while we had no interest in all the normal, classy women (who had zero interest in me). I remember he hosted a party once and told me there was a girl I might really like. Of course, she was only interested in my brother and treated me like I had the plague. When I asked what I was doing wrong, he would just point out I was "trying too hard", possibly the most useless advice ever.

It also didn't help even though he was lazy at school and never tried, he graduated with Summa Cum Laude and was a Rhodes Scholar candidate. The bar was set pretty darn high for me even though my parents both failed High School. I had to work for EVERYTHING while he literally had jobs, money, women, etc fall into his lap.

If it makes anyone feel better, I now have a great marriage and my wife recently told me she can't figure out how I could have possibly still been single at 32 and my brother has had the life sucked out of him by his crazy wife. He whined about how he is "too old" to start again to which I responded "for $#@% sake you could have a girlfriend in an hour!"

Oh, I know how you feel: I've been there are done that and if it wasn't for my wife probably being on the Autism spectrum (lower than me and probably not enough for a DX) I wonder if I would have reached the point of no return by now. All I can suggest is to learn about body language and how women "initiate" For example, if she is pursuing you aggressively, she is probably messed up in the head as women generally avoid being direct with their interest. There are a number of YouTube videos that help and here is one example:


I remember how scared I was to ask a girl out at 20: she worked with me and I knew her sister for many years: she was quiet and shy too and I waited for her (or her sister) to directly express interest. What a fool I was! Even if she rejected me (we probably would not have been a great match), I would have learned that the world doesn't end: lord knows I had to learn THAT one over and over and over again!

It angers me how someone so sexist, racist, and self-serving like my older brother had all the girlfriends while I tried to be open minded, friendly, and spiritual but was told by girls I was weird, gross, and a loser.

Well, there are obvious signs as to whether a woman wants to discuss things further/deeper or not. But most women have a lot of demands and requirements before she lets you in her life. If you meet one who doesnt, you'll figure out she has later on. And then there isn't a lot of sympathy on her side if you dont meet her requirements