Feel tense

Post Reply New Topic

My brother died a couple weeks ago, and my dad got half his ashes. Apparently, they finished all the stuff up while keeping me out of the loop. It's a long story.

Then a week ago, my landlady's mother started bleeding out (from where she gets her dialysis), but they were able to rescue her and now she's at the hospital. My landlady spent a lot of time there, and so she hasn't really made any meals in the last week, telling me to help myself (this is a room and board). Her husband spent a lot of time playing loud video games up in his room, and the sound from there goes right to my room, especially the bass.

There's some other stuff going on, too, so needless to say I feel very tense right now. A lot of the time, it feels like I'm only half awake and I've tried to get my mind off stuff by browsing the web and stuff, but the experience now seems kinda dulled. Multiple trains of thought course through my head like twisters crashing in to each other, and sometimes I miss a thought as it comes round and I gotta wait for it to come round again so I can catch it.

It often feels like my access to reality keeps dimming out and coming back in. When I was trying to sleep and looked at where my hand was supposed to be, I was like, Huh, my hand is gone. That's weird. But then I realized it was dark and when I moved my hand and looked at it again it was still there. It feels like the fire at the center of my being has been blown out by the storm and stuff is darker and chillier. Stuff seems to move, but then I realized my eyes were playing tricks on me.

Ugh, I need to get some sleep.