Hi :) UK guy Aspergers- very isolated- needs help pleas :)

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Hi my names James

I live in the UK near the town of Oswestry in Shropshire I'm going to be 34yrs old bit later this year - I have Aspergers

I really really struggling to get out and need a kind person who's willing to poss be my friend in real life offline or if not want to be my offline real life friend - I def need a kind person who also lives near me - who's willing to help go out with me and help me to safely mingle like normal NT peeps do when they're out chillaxing and looking to make friends and poss get to know that 1 special single girl leading to a long term happy loving fulfilling relationship

I'm just really hoping that there may poss be some kind peeps who also live in the UK within or near the Shropshire area who'd not mind being my friends offline in real life pleas or atleast be willing to help me go out to safely meet others in a normal way that most peeps go out to meet new peeps to make friends plus poss if I'm lucky - hopefully find my life long 1 Love

I don't know how to put a pic of myself on here wish I could so I could show u what I look like

I'm at the point in my life where I'd really like to settle down with that 1 special kind lovely girl

I've tried asking others in the real offline world but they say they'll email me n be my friend- but they never get in touch it's left me feeling so very sad n low I'm losing hope

I just get fobbed off with - go join a special group

But I've already tried that - I really need a very kind person who'd be willing to help me go out n make friends plus also while doing that - hopefully meet kind single girls to see who I may have that special connection with

Hi James . . . I'm a lady living in the Uk but afraid I'm quite a long way away from you. However happy to chat and help in any way I can. I have a very special Aspie friend in my life whom I am continually working to ensure I understand him as he seems to work to understand me. I might therefore be able to give you a little insight to the differences in our brain workings that can cause problems when making long lasting friendships. Please feel free to message me if you want. Take care x

Hi Ann

Sorry it's taken me till now to reply back to your very kind reply

I'm more of a night owl

Anywhooooo - it's ok about living far away it's just great to have some1 kind to talk with and ask tips and advice etc thanks

I've tried asking a few kind peeps if they'd not mind poss being my friends or at least hopefully not mind helping me to go out where most peeps go out to make friends like when chillaxing at a safe nice atmosphere pub/bar poss night club if it's not too crazy - where most peeps have a few drinks and hang out with their friends n poss try make new friends or poss even meet kind peeps n get to know them n see over time if they like each other as in a romantic way you know - like when peeps are out with their buddies n he or she sees a nice girl or guy n plucks up the courage to approach her/him n ask out etc

I tried while out with my helper lady friend - who is my support worker lady she helps me to safely go out during for a few hours twice a week in order to get food shopping etc but sadly cause she has a family/kids means she can't do normal later hours/times when most peeps are going out to mingle n make friends or poss meet kind girl or guy as potential life long 1 Loves

Which is why I really need another kind person who lives near me or within driving distance - that'd poss not mind being my friend or atleast helping me to safely go out an we go to the places others go when they want to make friends n have few drinks n chillax n poss meet that 1 special person

Sorry for rambling on n on I'm not very good at fully explaining/getting across what I'm thinking/hoping for etc

I don't even know how to do that link thingy on here so I can share a picture of how I look

Thanks for not mind chatting with me Ann

It's so great that ur helping another fellow Aspie guy who's also in need

Sorry

I got distracted while replying and forgot to complete my bit about when I attempted to ask 3 peeps if they'd poss not mind being my friend

They were at 2 different places 1 was while I was ordering a lil treat for myself at Argos and there were 2 kind girls working there and the other peep/girl was at WHSMITH where I was buying my 2 weekly bits/collections my Star Trek model starship collection latest issue plus my weekly NewScientist Magazine and my Wolverine and Deadpool comic

I explained to the 2 kind Argos girls that I have a support worker who helps me to safely go out to get my bits and that I find trying to make friends very very hard plus went into bit more info so they'd see that I was a harmless nice kind guy just hoping to make friends so I asked them if it'd be ok for me to give them my email they said yes they'd have my email and wouldn't mind being my friends and us go out and chillax like most peeps do while out having a few drinks and hanging out

That made me so happy cause finally I felt like my life was really looking up that slowly I'd made friends n make more kind friends n that we'd go out have a nice time as just good friends an as a great bonus while having a nice time out as friends I'd poss see a nice kind single girl and over time it'd lead eventually to me finding and forming that special bond n overtime we'd poss if I'm very very very lucky - we'd fall in Love and settle down and over more time if I'm really lucky poss we'd have kids and live happy ever after (yeah corny I know but I've grown up watching lots of films and tv shows and some were bound to be soppy romantic 1s lol ) my young child mind grew to have a deep romantic contemplative side

Anywhooooo - by the end of that day I thought I was slowly on the beginning of my path/yellow brick road of a life leading to that lovely happy fulfilling future I'd hoped for all my life

But sadly .......... Nope ........ I never had an email from any of the 3 peeps I'd hoped would not mind being my friends

I'm back to zero like I was when I was 19yrs old ;( ......... I'm now 33yrs old going to be 34yrs old later on in the year

And after the death of my father back in 2012 I feel my chances of making/building that fulfilling life I'd hoped for all those years while I was going through all those abusive dark days/years I suffered/went through from 4yrs old up to 20yrs - poss are slowly slipping through my fingers ;( like grains of sand

Hi James . . . Sorry you're feeling so isolated. Also sorry to hear about the death of your dad. It sounds to me that you indeed need to be able to go some places where people just mingle and get to know each other. I think the problem with hoping to find friendship,with the people that serve you in shops is that it is their job to be nice to everyone, and polite too. They may have boyfriends, husbands or family which would mean they may not feel comfortable answering emails from a man they haven't really got to know.

Do you go on Facebook. I know my Aspie friend has met a lot of people through groups on Facebook. He joins lots of groups particularly to do with his special interests. From there you can get chatting to people, and after a while of chatting if you get along and seem to have a lot of things in common can go on to meet up?

I hope that might help a little, and yes always happy to chat. I have just been out for a long walk on the beach with my dog. It was lovely listening to the sea whilst looking up at the stars. Do you have any pets? They can be great companions, as they never argue back for one thing.

Take care now

Thanks for your very kind helpful reply Ann

Yeah I can see now how asking peeps who are working and not just happen to be there - how that isn't the best way or place/situation

But I did make sure that they knew that it was only because of not having a friend to go out with at the right places/situations and times - was why I had to ask when the idea came to me plus at that moment I had plucked up the courage to try asking them right then if they'd hopefully not mind poss being my friends plus I did make it very very clear that I didn't have an alterior motive cause I'd only want them to be just my friend cause I'd like to make friends first and once I've got atleast a few offline friends then while we're out just having a nice friends hang out time the bonus is while your out having a nice chillaxing time with friends where others go out to hang out - the bonus is a lady may see me and I see her and we get chatting and then bingo the start of something beautiful may just have started

That's why I always make it very very clear that they'd just be hopefully life long good dear friends so they know I haven't got a hidden agenda with them

The finding my life long 1 Love just happens as a cool great bonus over time while not focusing on trying for that to happen cause the more you want to find that 1 special person - the more desperate you look n it just won't happen

That's why I'm just focusing on trying to find and make offline friends that live not too far away from me

Thanks Ann for your very kind condolences/kind good wishes about the sad death of my dad really appreciate your kind words and all the time your taking to chat with me and other good advice and kind support thanks

I was on Facebook long time ago - but I found it very painful because the few other members of my extended family who live all over the uk - would barely ever speak to me or even acknowledge my existence which only made my pain and hurt and sadness/despair even more painful and keener ;(

I suppose there could be a chance trying on there again - it's just I'm worried that it'll be like it was before - where no1 actually ever wants to hang out in offline real life

It's so hard to actually get peeps to give a bit of their time in the offline world it's like asking for 1 of their kidneys lol

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww it's great you have a furry lil buddy dogs are so great kind loving loyal dedicated creatures/friends/family aren't they glad you had nice walk on the beach I used to live near the beach I would go out to walk at night on the beach till the sun came up that period of time it was just me on my lonesome - at that time my Mum left me all alone in London which really hurt me cause I was so close with my Mum when she'd cry thanks to my not nice dad I was her lil buddy an I'd sit with her an see as the tears would come trickling down her cheeks ;( I'd be there for my Mum that was when I was very little age 2yrs old an 3 to 6yrs old an just as my dad abandoned me - eventually at the age of 21yrs old my Mum left me all alone - it really broke a part of my heart an I didn't have much left after my dad was through with me ;(

Anywhoooo back to the beach I was near 25yrs old most nights out on the beach waiting for the light to come back into my world contemplating my existence

Sadly I'm not in a good position to look after a doggy at the moment - but maybe in the future at the mo I'm focusing on trying to learn to drive so I can get a car an get my licence

I just have to keep hoping somehow somewhere that I'll find offline friends so that I can build a fulfilling life

Thanks so much Ann for not mind chatting with me and offering your kind advice and support hope you and your Aspie friend and your cuddly lovely doggy friend all keep safe and keep tucked up nice n warm on these very cold days and nights

James you sound like a really lovely person who has been through an awful lot of heart ache and difficult times. I send a big hug your way. I'm sure you would be a lovely friend to many people. The trouble being that in this world so many people expect a certain ritual to go through in making friends. As an Aspie you don't always recognise this and are very straight forward and honest. A lot of people find this strange ( not me I find it endearing) so you need to make sure you are reaching out to the right people who take the time to understand you, and not expect you to jump through the normal hoops of socialising.
Facebook is a funny old place for sure, and I am sorry to hear you have been hurt by your family on there . You could maybe ask your support worker to help you find a way for it to work better for you. Maybe not trying to friend your family, but just using it to join groups that interest you? I met my friend through a mutual interest in photography . . .so we talked about that a lot before moving on to being friends.

Most importantly is to try and protect yourself from being hurt. Remember that if people choose not to take the time to talk to you and get to know you as a person it is their loss not yours. Take special care now

Awwwwwwwwww thanks Ann for thinking that I'm a really lovely person an for sending me a Matrixy (via Internet ) kind hug thanks

Yeah my helper lady friend/support worker also said that when I was 4yrs old that's when most peeps could just ask 'do u want to be my friend' and it'd be that easy that they'd think about for a few seconds and if they thought you seemed like a nice kind person - then that'd then say yep and we'd then be good friends

Back then I did find making friends much easier sadly once they found out that I couldn't read or do the alphabet - they just put me in another classes corner an I was just completely lost an then after about a year when I was 5yrs old they just kicked me out of school - I then was left at home with my Mum for another year or two and then was put into a special needs school near the age of 7yrs old - I discovered that place was my hell - for the rest of my childhood I'd be stuck in limbo there where I as harrased and bullied/attacked an get spat in the face an attacked so much that I'd flinch at the slightest threat the only good thing that I was really proud of was eventually near age 11yrs old finally finding a way to learn the alphabet and learn to read an write an I read my first 2 books The Hobbit and The Lord of The Rings I was soooo proud of myself I burst into tears with pride finally I could read

Yeah thanks Ann I'll speak to my very very kind understanding helper lady friend/support worker about trying to have another go at joining online groups on Facebook like a very big Game of Thrones fan group an hopefully over time make friends with local peeps who also really like Game of Thrones both the books and the cool TV series hopefully a few local peeps poss not mind being my friend and in time hopefully not mind us hanging out offline at places others hang out for a few drinks (mine won't be alcohol cause my father was an alcoholic and I'd never allow myself to lose control both for myself but also so I'll never hurt or upset any1 like my dad did to me ) - where slowly after many nice friends hang out times together we'll hopefully make more kind friends plus poss in time I'll meet my poss life long 1 Love

Awwwwwwwwwwww thanks for all your kind support an great advice I'll try and remember that it's their loss if they don't take the chance for us getting to know each other thanks Ann

I hope it's ok and poss if you'd pleas not mind us poss being friends ?

Even if it's only as just online friends cause friends are friends weather being offline or online friends

I'm off to beddybies now once I've fin reading on my kindle my normal bed routine where I read for a bit to relax an then turn off the nightstand bed light an try go sleep

Hope you an you Aspie buddy and your cuddly lovely furry doggy buddy all keep tucked up safe and snug and have nice long comfy cosy goodnight sleeps and hope you all have nice day tomoro/once you've woken bit later today

Nite Nite Catch ya Later Dudes

Hi James of course I am happy to be your online friend. I think joining game of throne groups is a really good idea I'm sure there will be a lot of different ones on Facebook. My son is a big fan of game of thrones he's read all the books and always watches the tiv programme. I'm afraid it's a bit too violent for me!
I will send you my email via a personal message. Of you want to chat to me probably better by email as I don't usually come on wrong planet very often these days.
The sun is trying to shine here today so I'm going to take the dog out for a walk and then do some housework. I hope you are having a nice day too. Take care now. Check your message inbox

Hi Ann

Thanks so much for not mind being my online friend thanks

I can understand how all the violent moments/scenes can be very off putting both the books and the cool TV series - what I really enjoy is the power play/trying to get The Iron Throne plus now also somehow defeat the scary evil White Walkers plus all the very interesting detailed characters and detailed events that's what I'm really into the violence and rude scenes I try to not focus too much on obviously me being a hot blooded male - I do appreciate some of the attractive ladies/girls but only as a visual fleeting attraction i appreciate most females amazingly various and interesting attractive body shapes but what I find most attractive in a lady/girl/female - is her on the inside only after we've chatting a lot and slowly gotten to know each other and if we have that special spark/connection - sorry I went off on a tangent there lol - I like to be very open and explain/share lots of stuff such as when I just explained that I find real varied types of ladies/girls/females body types and personalities etc not those air brushed fake media images im much more likely to find a real female attractive but only as I'm getting to know her cause the greater the connection/more we get to know each other - the more attracted I find her (obviously not you cause we're friends Yay I got a kind good friend thanks Ann )

Sorry went off got distracted there

Just mean that I tend to talk about lots of things and tend to like to express how I think/feel etc

Awwwwwwww that's great you have a lil tyke aka a son and Yay he also likes the Game of Thrones books and cool interesting TV series hope he's atleast 18yrs old lol cause those books and TV series are atleast a certificate 18

Thanks for sending me via PM your email so that we can have more nice chats via that cause you mostly check your emails and pop on here abit

Yay I got very very kind understanding online friend my day has been ok thanks my friend Ann

Hope you and your Aspie friend and your son and your cuddly lovely furry doggy friend are all ok an keep tucked up safe and cosy and have nice night and enjoy whatever TV shows you like to watch

Tonight at 9pm there's very very cool new Xmen universe new TV show called Legion it looks very interesting an promising

Hi James . . . .i love the way you spill over with excitement to tell me things so never worry about going off on a tangent. It's ok my son is all grown up and 26yrs old, I think you would get on he likes similar things that you do. I will tell him about the progra,,E legion sounds like he would enjoy it.

I've just walked the dog and now going to have a settled evening on the sofa with a glass of wine and some tiv. Probably watch some documentaries, I enjoyed the drama apple tree yard but it's finished now. Speak soon take care Mr James

Awwwwwwww thanks my very very kind understanding online friend for liking how I am when trying to chat/share/express myself thanks

I fin watching Legion on Sky channel Fox I def think your son will probably most likely like it

It was very interesting and has a very cool interesting 'gifted' character who in the Marvel/Xmen universe is actually Professor Charles Xaviers son and he has the amazing cool power of creating/changing/shaping reality itself and everything around himself I think even pop into he's own parallel worlds/he's own memories etc I think he even has multiple personalities it's only just started but it's def looking very very interesting and promising

Hope you can tell your son about it and hope he gets a chance to watch it too sometime

Glad you and your very lovely cuddly furry doggy friend had nice walk and you now having nice chillax watching your TV shows/documentaries with a glass of wine that you enjoy

Thanks for not minding us becoming kind good online friends thanks

Hope you and your other Aspie friend and your very lovely cuddly furry doggy friend an your son too hope you all keep tucked up safe and cosy on these very cold days and nights and hope you all enjoy your TV shows/documentaries and all have nice long comfy cosy goodnight sleeps

Nite Nite Catch Ya Later Dudes

heya pal

my names Liam i live in worcester UK, i am still ongoing in my search for my diagnosis but it has recently been confirmed by my counsellor. but enough about that i am not here to talk about me i am here to talk to you

i have the same feelings that you do in terms of isolation recently finding that my close group of friends were using me and i wasnt able to see it for a long time.

i would love to chat more and maybe even meet up sometime

anything you want to know about me just ask i am more than happy to answer

from Liam

Hi Liam

Thanks so much for popping by an saying Hi sorry I haven't popped back sooner to reply till now

So sorry your friends turned out to not be kind real friends

Yeah it'd be so great thanks for us to chat via email an poss in the near future hopefully we arrange to meet up for a nice hang out an chat chillax offline sometime whenever ok an poss thanks

It'd be so great to poss make a new very kind understanding good friend thanks Liam

If you want I can PM you my email address so we can chat/send each other email replies an get to know each other an chat about lots of different various interesting things/subjects

I'm really happy an buzzing thanks to you popping by an hopefully poss not minding us being friends an hopefully hang out offline in the future when we're both happy an ready to meet up obviously in a very public safe place like a library/nice pub to get a few non alcoholic drinks an have nice mate hang out times - hopefully at a mutually approved safe public place that's half way between where we both live so we both not have to go a very long way from where we both live cause it'd be very unfair on you if I asked you to come all the way from your place in Worcester- all the way to here in Oswestry Shropshire - yep much much fairer if later on you do not mind us hanging out in the non Matrixy world aka offline - somewhere we meet half way like the black eyed peas sang lol

Sorry got too excited/carried away with hopeful bit in the future that's if you do still not mind hanging out together in the offline world

Thanks soooo much for getting in touch

Hope you are ok an having nice night an keep tucked up safe an warm on this cold night thanks Liam

my apologies for not answering sooner james i have messaged you back on here but i thought i would do this too just so then you know why etc.



Liam

Hi my very kind friend Liam

Pleas don't worry we good

When ever you can reply is ok an fine with me thanks

It's great to have made kind new friend thanks