Was I sexually assaulted ?

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Honey, yes. That counts as sexual assault. As a molestation and rape survivor, I can tell you that that isn't normal behavior between a father and daughter. Sending gentle hugs. I blocked things out from childhood for a very long time. They're slowly trickling back to the surface in my late 20's. Finding a therapist if possible who is both ASD friendly and trained to deal with sexual assault victims might be a good idea. I know talking to a professional was helpful for me. It just took going to a few before I found one that I was comfortable with.

I am so sorry that the memories are coming back and this horrible feeling is returning, but, yes, I think that you were and I am so so sorry for this; however, you are brave for telling your story and brave for confronting the memories.

Though I too am a multiple sexual assault survivor and was abused by an adult when I was an adolescent, I cannot understand your pain. Mine was my teacher. Yours was your father. I am uncertain where you would begin with this. Perhaps, with forgiving yourself as I can sense some self-blame... First of all, this is not your fault. You are autistic and you are an adolescent and no one expects being hurt by a family member, by their own father in such a horrible horrible way. You could not leave. You could not refuse. This was not your fault. And I admire your strength for refusing further predatory advances from your father; however, even if you could not do this, if you did not refuse, it would still not be your fault. This was grooming. This was manipulation.

Also, maybe you can get in contact with your stepsister and see how she is doing, make sure she is safe from this father- monster. Also, I would suggest reading the poems "Chains" by Audre Lorde or "Persephone the Wanderer" by Louise Gluck... "Chains" would be more directly about your experience and "Persephone the Wanderer" has been a very healing poem for me, for the loss of my adolescence, for feeling constantly trapped and divided by the self He-- and all the other hims-- divided...

If you would like, PM me... I am very sorry that this happened to you, but I can tell you have so much inner strength. Maybe find a psychologist that focuses on sexual trauma. Focus on your passions, whatever they may be and stay alive...

This actually is not true. Autistic girls and adolescents and even adult autistic women have much more difficulty picking up on social cues or believing that the intentions of others could be bad and, thus, they are the "perfect" victims for sexual manipulation or grooming. If the molestation started young, in prepubescence, then the "normalcy" of it would have already settled in by adolescence; however, it seems like her father fetishizes the child in pubescence, after puberty-- a girl that is still a girl, but is developing a woman's body-- the body that is transitioning before the mind can catch up... A neurotypical child may be able to see by then that this behavior is not normal; more difficulty will come to the autistic child...

Also, penetration or not, the abuse and the pain of the abuse is still there... I do think she should talk to her sister; however, I think she should wait to confront him or to take action until she is emotionally ready for this...

Definitely you were the victim of sexual abuse and sexual assault. Those memories are coming back to you for a reason. However painful they are, please don’t deny them and try and make peace with what happened. If it means counselling, then do it. If it means pressing charges, then do it. Don’t tell yourself it wasn’t that bad, it’s really bad and no one has the right to do that to you and to violate your body.

Remember, none of this is your fault and you did nothing wrong. Being on the spectrum makes us huge targets for this type of abuse and it causes loads of trauma and other emotional problems. Please look after yourself. All the best with your healing.

OP has not visited WP since Oct 2017. No point in directly addressing her now.

Yes. You were assaulted. I haven't spoken to my own father for 37 years. My story is very similar to yours. Come to grips with the fact that not everybody has good parents. That's the way it is. Stay away from him.