What does a meltdown look like in an adult woman?
dragonsanddemons
Veteran
Joined: 19 Mar 2011
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 6,659
Location: The Labyrinth of Leviathan
Meltdowns can definitely vary from person to person. What you describe certainly sounds like a meltdown. I have crying fits too. My body's reaction to any strong emotion is to cry, and I hate it, because it draws attention to me right when it's hardest for me to speak, and I want to be left alone, not have everyone asking me what's wrong. When I have a meltdown, sometimes I will hit myself, or ram my head into a pillow repeatedly, or lie on my bed/the floor and thrash around for a while (when this happens, any object small enough that I come in contact with will be thrown, as well). But more often, I have shutdowns instead, where I just become mostly oblivious to the outside world, and my brain kind of goes on "autopilot" (as in, I can still walk around, even getting to a place I've been to before - like classes when I was in school - without running into things or anything, but I'll have no recollection of doing so. Otherwise I'm pretty unresponsive when this happens.).
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Yet in my new wildness and freedom I almost welcome the bitterness of alienage. For although nepenthe has calmed me, I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men.
-H. P. Lovecraft, "The Outsider"
I've been having exactly the same problem, only not knowing what caused these explosions of crying and as a child I tried to fit them to any acceptable cause... then, over the years, I learned to postpone the meltdowns, even silence them, mechanically acting "properly" and forcing myself not to feel anything at all. You can guess, how it interfered with my mental health :>
Now I just tell people I have a terrible headache and need to be alone in silence. Easy lie, but people understand this and they naturally act the right way.
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The reason why I want to know about the meltdowns is because I've noticed that I'm prone to have uncontrollable "crying fits" when I get stressed or frustrated. Sometimes I stifle a shriek and, if I'm at home, I run to my room and hit a pillow until I get exhausted. Is this how meltdown look like in women? Is this normal?
Yes. Not only is that normal, it's actually rather subtle.
I think I had a meltdown today.
I went to a new place for a course that I thought was just an afternoon to be told it's an afternoon a week for 12 weeks!! !
Just that one thing caused me to meltdown. I couldn't function anymore, I was crying uncontrollably and although I was taken out of the room by one of the course leaders she kept on talking to me and I couldn't calm myself down for ages.
I've never had this in front of strangers before, usually if I can't cope I'm at home and I go into my room to calm down.
It was so embarrassing, and I've got to go back for the next 11 weeks (unless I get kicked off the course for being to disruptive by crying again!! !)
I'm really going to have to work out how to get through this.
The reason why I want to know about the meltdowns is because I've noticed that I'm prone to have uncontrollable "crying fits" when I get stressed or frustrated. Sometimes I stifle a shriek and, if I'm at home, I run to my room and hit a pillow until I get exhausted. Is this how meltdown look like in women? Is this normal?
Yes. Not only is that normal, it's actually rather subtle.
Well, I know my reactions are not so extreme, but it was happening to me so often that I was starting to worry about it. As a child I used to have violent and out-of-control meltdowns, but now I don't have those anymore.
Also, the very subtlety of my meltdowns also concerned me a bit. I've read that meltdowns are impossible to control, yet I am capable of modifying my behavior a little bit during a meltdown (if I'm in public I usually sit down and cry silently, covering my face and maybe rocking a little, instead of physically acting out as I do at home). That, and the fact that my crying fits are always caused by emotional dysregulation and never by sensory overload, made me wonder if they were indeed meltdowns or something else.
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Professionally diagnosed with PDD NOS as a child, but only told by my parents at the age of 21.
Autism Quotient: 30
Aspie quiz: 123/200 aspie; 75/200 NT
RAADS: 135
I have always had crying meltdowns and some angry ones. A lot of times it's triggered by big, unexpected changes that happen with no or little warning.
One time I had a meltdown at work because I showed up to find a wall where there wasn't supposed to be one and they moved my desk. At a different job, I became overwhelmed by the workload and customers I had to stop and go outside and cry because I couldn't handle it. It was embarrassing and awful..
But I've gotten a lot better lately. I still have meltdowns sometimes though.
I've found emotional intelligence has helped me a lot. I now try to control my thoughts so that I think more positively. I try to always be more understanding of others and remind myself that NTs think differently and that they aren't intentionally trying to hurt me or upset me.
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My last meltdown was a couple months go in front of my parents & sister. I believed my sister was gossiping too much. I started yelling, swearing, & crying. I was verbally abusive & out of control. My family froze. I felt shame, but I never apologized to my sister. I did express my regret to my parents the next day. I'm a work in progress (as is she).
Crying; I've only recently noticed that I don't usually cry when I'm sad, although that happens to. I think that most of the time I cry because I've been bottling up stuff and it all pours out when I'm alone and have a day (or afternoon) off from work. I'm starting to embrace it as a form of catharsis.
Anger; I used to get really frustrated, even though I didn't know it was frustration that lead to anger due to the fact that I was frustrated. I used to throw and break things as a sort of physical manifestation of what I was feeling. It mostly happened with my ex-so, when I felt that I wasn't understood. It was either a way of explaining myself, sometimes just uncontrollable frustration. I've learned about delayed emotional processing just recently and it kinda explains when I would start feeling frustrated or anxious about stuff I thought didn't bother me at the time when they happened. I would feel extremely distressed/anxious/angry and would just start slamming the doors or throwing stuff.
Last gigantic meltdown; With my ex-so, around 6 months ago. I don't remember clearly how did it start, but I remember that I was sensing that something was off with me, so I've tried isolating myself in order not to cause any further damage. He tried pulling me out of that, I can only imagine how did it look for him, he was probably getting frustrated as well, while I was shutting myself off. I've hid myself in the closet (I would to that sometimes when I was a kid) and I remember I just wanted to be left alone. He tried "provoking" me, I felt the little Hulk rising plus the tunnel vision and I really didn't want to break anything or cause any damage to someone else, so I started cutting my hand with a kitchen knife and burning my skin with cigarette. I've never done that. He got angry/desperate, he got physical. He left, I've just laid on the bed, face against the wall, in the darkness and was sobbing. I was never into self-mutilation, I'm not self-destructive and I try really hard to be as functioning as possible.
Except for the self-diagnosis, I'm not officialy diagnosed with Aspergers. I know there's a lot of overlap between BPD and ASD, but I honestly, logically, cannot believe that it's just BPD, although there are probably some traits.
Reading about ASD has been helping me a great deal, when I start feeling overworked, I know what's going to happen when I get a day off, so I prepare myself for that. I don't punish myself for feeling like that anymore, I just try going with it and letting it all out in a controlled environment.
It's kinda funny realizing that you didn't know how you actually felt. It's common knowledge that if you act like a little Hulk you're just angry or if you cry you're just sad, so naturally you start feeling like a lesser being for being angry at small stuff. I've been learning to express my frustration as clearly as possible and it's helping quite a bit.
I no longer feel like a bad person when my brain goes a little bad, if that makes any sense.
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Wye Oak
loobyloukitty
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 12 Sep 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 65
Location: Kent Uk
Its anything really. kicking, hitting, screaming, crying, throwing things. I think the difference is but not too sure, you can take yourself away from others around you that might get hurt or not understand your actions. I was able to do this on Monday especially as we were in a busy high street and it could have resulted in me getting in trouble with police.
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