Can you be happy while you're single?

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RetroGamer87
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16 Feb 2017, 9:08 pm

I know I should try but I keep thinking about how much I miss my ex.

In some ways she was perfect for me. I really blew it :( 

I know I was on a good thing with her and I know I won't find a girl of her calibre any time soon, if ever.

Can I have a complete life while I'm single? 


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Canary
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16 Feb 2017, 10:42 pm

I don't think it's about single or no. If you're focusing on regrets, it's hard to be happy in the present. I might be happier without a relationship as they're more anxiety than happiness at this point.



Hippygoth
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17 Feb 2017, 12:50 pm

Of course. :) I'm single, have been for years, and I'm happy. That's not to say I wouldn't like to meet someone, but if I don't, I'm fine. I think it's important to take responsibility for your own happiness - you can't rely on other people for that.



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17 Feb 2017, 1:35 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
I know I should try but I keep thinking about how much I miss my ex.
That is because she is not really your ex; the separation is an illusion.
RetroGamer87 wrote:
In some ways she was perfect for me. I really blew it :(
You had a temporary set-back; happens, even to those whom it would be least expected,
but you could always potentially try again in future life-times or incarnations or existences
(yes, I am aware that not everybody is aware enough to believe that reality exists beyond the physical,
but that is my answer and explanation, although some question why you would do this to yourself over her).

RetroGamer87 wrote:
I know I was on a good thing with her and I know I won't find a girl of her calibre any time soon, if ever.
Hey, I think I can relate to this, too ! O_O Then again was she really high-calibre...
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Can I have a complete life while I'm single?
You are not actually single though; you are just separated from one whom you have feelings for;
I hadn't thought about it much but, when putting together that last sentence, I thought about all of those animé-episodes from various animé-series where there were scenes about getting «your feelings to reach someone»;
Why not ? With strong enough feelings people will often seen one another or the other like during a dream...
...except that it's so impacted with feelings that it is not really just a dream nor any mere ordinary dream...


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17 Feb 2017, 2:36 pm

Only if I'm doped up on anti depressants



Jacoby
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17 Feb 2017, 3:34 pm

Some people probably can but they substitute it with something and maybe I could too I don't know but I don't see myself ever being happy the way I am now in such isolation, I am just trying to keep my head above water.



amykitten
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17 Feb 2017, 4:16 pm

For me, I personally can't function well without being in a relationship, but then I haven't learnt how to be alone. So I'm currently on a massive self discovery journey on how to do that. Although its leading me currently down a very depressive and possibly suicidal path, so I'll let you now how it turns out.



whatamievendoing
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18 Feb 2017, 5:12 am

It is entirely possible, and I'm speaking from experience here. Granted, though, I've been single my entire life, but the principle is the same. As depressed as I occasionally feel about my loneliness, I'll admit that I love the freedom of single life. Not having to worry about dividing my energy between a relationship and my personal interests is honestly the next best thing to sex - which is something I've only had once.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Feb 2017, 5:55 am

We are meant to mate as a species.



RetroGamer87
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18 Feb 2017, 6:11 am

Ban-Dodger wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
I know I was on a good thing with her and I know I won't find a girl of her calibre any time soon, if ever.
Hey, I think I can relate to this, too ! O_O Then again was she really high-calibre...
Was she? Pretty face but careworn. Fat but she sucked her stomach in whenever she went out so it wasn't that obvious. Nice smile, nice hair, nice skin.

She presented well. She dressed well. She always chose the right makeup. I focussed too much on her appearance. I wanted us to be perfect and I thought that meant we both had to look perfect. The trouble is, so did she. She worried about her appearance so much and I made it worse when I should have reassured her that she was already beautiful.
F
She got quite angry when she learned I'd been starving myself. I worried my friends and family would think I was "settling" when actually my friends and family thought she was beautiful.

She wasn't a ten out of ten by looks but what I remember most was her personality. She was fun. She was really fun. She was funny. She was a good story teller.

I've dated girls since her and they just seemed boring in comparison. I don't want to spend my life with a girl who bores me.

She shared my obscure interests. How many other girls have a collection of retro games? Not many. How many other girls have seen every episode of Star Trek? Not many. She introduced me to new sci-fi authors. She shared the same tastes in music and introduced me to new bands. She was even a cat person. Like me.

She motivated me to go out and do stuff. We went on adventures together. Sadly that stopped before we broke up. She got depressed and just wanted to stay at home. I wanted to go out. I wasn't able to support her emotionally during her depression. I wanted to but I didn't know how.

Now I don't go to places either. I'm not dating her so I have no motivation to go to places. All I do on weekends is either stay at home or work overtime. Sometimes I work 7 days per week as a form of escapism. When I was with her working over the weekend would have been unthinkable because it was would mean missing out on our adventures.

Some where planned and some were spontaneous. One night I jokingly suggested we go to the beach in the middle of a rainstorm. She agreed and we actually did it.

We used to talk for hours. Even when she wasn't with me it was very common for me to talk to her for 4 or 5 hours per night for 3 or 4 nights in a row and we never ran out of stuff to talk about. With most people I have to force myself to keep the conversation going and I have to try really hard to think of new topics but with her 5 hours could pass like 5 minutes.


She's gone now. We were friends for a while. Even as friends she was easily my best friend. We still talked on the phone for hours.

But then she said she wanted to break off contact for 4 to 6 months. This caused me far more pain than breaking up with her did but I complied with her wishes. I texted her 4 months later. I emailed her 6 months later. It's now been 8 months and I haven't received any reply from her.


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supguysfriedchicken
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18 Feb 2017, 6:29 am

I would hope so, as I have been single since I was born.

I would have no idea what to do with a woman, as middle schoolers have more experience than I do in that department.


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Lunella
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18 Feb 2017, 6:57 am

I've been through a lot of multiple relationships and never been dumped because I've always gotten depressingly bored. (I'm a bit of a heartbreaker, sorry.) The partners weren't a problem, they were fine, the problem was the relationship in general.

After all this time I kinda think I'm just happier on my own because I'm sick of relationships and all the BS that comes with it. I have the empathy, the problem is usually I just get really bored of not being able to do my own thing as there's boundaries within a relationship and I always end up feeling trapped. I'm the sort of person that thinks relationships are overrated so sorry to pop your bubble. I've been in love plenty of times, nearly had my own kids and got married but then decided against it for various reasons. (I don't want a crotch goblin that takes all my energy, time and money).

I'm pretty happy these days honestly, I'm hardly depressed than what I was like in a relationship and I have all the free time to do what I actually want to do without the hassle of having to worry about some other person constantly. Especially happy I don't have to deal with the jealousy from my previous partners.

I have enough friends to entertain myself with so, there's really no want for a relationship anymore, I've got family members and friends who are the same. If I have a problem financially or I need help with something, I usually just have a friend who can help. I've got close friends who feel the same way about this to me who have considered partnering up with me in a non relationship way to conquer the capitalism. Two of my friends who were best friends did this and bought a house together to rent out for example.

So to answer your question OP, yes, it's very possible to be happy single you just have to change your perceptions a bit.


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RetroGamer87
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18 Feb 2017, 7:14 am

Holy s**t! :( There are some things man wasn't supposed to know 8O

I just looked her up on Facebook and she's been in a new relationship since 2 months after the ceased contact with me.

I don't even know what to think now.


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RetroGamer87
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18 Feb 2017, 7:16 am

And obviously he's better than me. Graduated from UniSa and now works as a software engineer. I'm merely a software tester and I didn't graduate from anything save high school. He's better looking than me too.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Feb 2017, 7:32 am

Lunella wrote:
I've been through a lot of multiple relationships and never been dumped because I've always gotten depressingly bored. (I'm a bit of a heartbreaker, sorry.) The partners weren't a problem, they were fine, the problem was the relationship in general.

After all this time I kinda think I'm just happier on my own because I'm sick of relationships and all the BS that comes with it. I have the empathy, the problem is usually I just get really bored of not being able to do my own thing as there's boundaries within a relationship and I always end up feeling trapped. I'm the sort of person that thinks relationships are overrated so sorry to pop your bubble. I've been in love plenty of times, nearly had my own kids and got married but then decided against it for various reasons. (I don't want a crotch goblin that takes all my energy, time and money).

I'm pretty happy these days honestly, I'm hardly depressed than what I was like in a relationship and I have all the free time to do what I actually want to do without the hassle of having to worry about some other person constantly. Especially happy I don't have to deal with the jealousy from my previous partners.

I have enough friends to entertain myself with so, there's really no want for a relationship anymore, I've got family members and friends who are the same. If I have a problem financially or I need help with something, I usually just have a friend who can help. I've got close friends who feel the same way about this to me who have considered partnering up with me in a non relationship way to conquer the capitalism. Two of my friends who were best friends did this and bought a house together to rent out for example.

So to answer your question OP, yes, it's very possible to be happy single you just have to change your perceptions a bit.


Do you have a sexual life as single? I am curious.



RetroGamer87
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18 Feb 2017, 7:43 am

I was about to go to bed before I saw. Now I can't sleep. I'm going to be tired tomorrow.

She's been with him longer than she was with me. They look so happy together.

She and her new boyfriend will be happy while I'm single for years to come.


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