I want to socialise more but I don't have much energy

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My free time is used to rest. Alone.

I want to socialise more but then I'll feel unrested.

Maybe I could find something low key that won't tire me out.

Something that involves just hanging out or physical activity (if I get my exercise done at the same time it's a time saver, I'd kill two birds with one stone).

How can I reconcile my desire socialise more with my desire to socialise more?

Yeah I know that feeling. I Work all week and that plus commuting time drains me and by the time the weekend comes round I just need to sleep. I've spent most of this weekend asleep.

The solution depends on what part of socializing sucks your energy. Is it talking? Listening? Leaving the house? Traveling to the meet up location?

Once you answer that question, choose a social activity that doesn't involve a lot of the tiring elements. For example, if talking makes you tired, you could join a film group or take a class that does not require much discussion.

You need to find something that really interests. For an Aspie, it is usually some special interest.

I like this answer! Thoughtful. Taking classes is a great thing if you're into fitness, you can probably find tons of things in your area from yoga to martial arts to dance to kickboxing to tumbling, etc etc


In a related way, once you figure out the thing that is exhausting, you can then work on finding ways to communicate that to your friends or potential friends. You need to be around people who can mesh well with your needs.

My friends know that I don't like "going out" for things like shopping, partying, clubbing, eating out, etc. So I hang around people who like to chill at home. Sometimes we play card games, sometimes watch tv, sometimes chat or do nothing. I have friends that invite me over when its time to clean or reorganize because they know I'm more relaxed socializing over a task like that. My friends also know that a lot of talking can be really draining for me, so they know not to get offended or feel awkward in silence.

It wasn't fast and easy to find these friends, and I don't see them very often now, but it's great to know that I'm not doomed to be completely isolated just because I don't enjoy the "normal" socializing activities.

I want to go out more, but have less energy & I have feet pain. How can people have less energy?

The first thing that comes to mind is to socialize with others over gym time, running, jogging, etc. I don't have much energy either, but I'm trying to change fields of work so I'll have a lot of time to talk to meet new people through that.

Dull weekend. Self-induced. This Saturday arvo I had to make a choice. Either socialise at kung fu or socialise at the board games session. They were both on at the same time. Guess which I chose.

Neither. Going to either one of those seemed like too much for me. I know, that's pretty pathetic of me. I was really tired from the last few days of work but for most people, working 40 hours per week is normal, not a marathon. Hell, there's some people who work 80 hours per week, I'll bet they'd laugh if they found out I get tired from a mere 40 hours.

Anyway, at least I spent a portion of the time studying for me exam. I only managed a few hours this weekend but it's something. I'll bet there's people who get in lots of hours of study over the weekend but a few hours is the best I can do.

No, scratch that, I should be able to do better. I must improve. I was talking about this with my psychologist the other day. She called it "task avoidance".

I was supposed to go and visit a friend today, but I've been so busy this week I'm burned out. I would rather socialise, but I have to stay in bed today and get well otherwise I'll go to work on Monday exhausted and I'll be even more ill next weekend.

Sometimes finding the balance is key otherwise we will make ourselves more tired and then won't be able to socialise at all and become even more lonely and despondent.

Socializing transforms me from my normal miserable, tired, apathetic self and brings out the old me; the loud, theatrical, energetic extrovert. I need positive social experiences to be happy, as much as I tried to convince myself otherwise in high school; all my energy comes from it.

Invite your friend over for a chat.

I am ill. I think I'm coming down with something. She lives an hour away and doesn't drive, so it's a bit logistically difficult.

Thanks tho.

Article on Aspergers and fatigue:

https://aspectsofaspergers.wordpress.co ... d-fatigue/

I find that when the time comes around to do social things, I simply don't have the energy, and stay in.

I need to find something which can become a routine. I have several prospects, and I can't find the energy to go to any of them, even once.

I did just lose several stressors from my life, but I've also sidelined bicycling for the moment. I hate acclimating to cold. I don't want to, but I just don't have a choice. This will be the first time in about 40 years that I'll experience winter, as such.

Basically, I want to seize an opportunity to try these social outlets without having to force myself to go. Often, I've had a great time when I force myself to go places, but I want to improve my relationship with my inner authoritarian. If I get out there without a lot of internal friction, and enjoy a social activity moderately well, I'll feel the most content.

I have an answer. Better than what you may have read. The answer is not to deal with it by avoiding it. Step 1. Immunize yourself of your social withdrawal symptoms. That means force yourself into a social setting and force yourself to talk. You will develop a Nonchalant attitude to the situation and eventually remove yourself after longer and longer periods. Step 2. Social situations raise in "difficulty" in comparison to the number of participates. If you are coming from a Aspy background, your focus is narrow making it even more difficult. Here is a suggestion in highly populated areas. Condition yourself to focus on one thing in the conversation and only reply to one person at a time. If you are overwhelmed with questions dismiss the questions. Interact from a neutral stand point. If you find a group difficulty level too high for you, try to lower it with lower difficulty groups. Or just stick to nooby level one on one interaction.