Why Do Comments Like This Make Me Angry

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SaveFerris
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23 Feb 2017, 3:20 pm

I don't understand why it irks me so much so I will try and give you an example.

Me & my GF share cooking duties ( although she's a lot better at it and does it more than me )

My GF will turn the oven on then ask me if I will put the chips in , then a bit later ask me to put the fish in , then it's almost an unwritten rule that I will dish it up as well.

I feel like she is trying to trick me into making food without me realising.

I'd have no problem if she just asked at the beginning if I will make food. It's the way she goes about that angers me.

Does anyone see a problem here , am I just being an arse , or is something else going on?

Could any of this be related to AS for either of us? ( i.e. the way she asks or the way I react )


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NikNak
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23 Feb 2017, 3:44 pm

I can't say if it's an AS thing but I will often be particularly irritated if asked to do something I wasn't planing on doing/ expecting to do. Recently I am better at it though, I just grumble and then get on with it.

Perhaps make an explicit agreement each night as to who is going to be cooking? My GF and I have recently agreed that while we are on a diet, she will cook and I will do the clean up and dishes. So much less pressure and as long as we both stick to it then everyone is happy.


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BTDT
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23 Feb 2017, 3:51 pm

A lot of couples have issues dividing up household chores.



SaveFerris
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23 Feb 2017, 4:01 pm

NikNak wrote:
I can't say if it's an AS thing but I will often be particularly irritated if asked to do something I wasn't planing on doing/ expecting to do. Recently I am better at it though, I just grumble and then get on with it.

Perhaps make an explicit agreement each night as to who is going to be cooking? My GF and I have recently agreed that while we are on a diet, she will cook and I will do the clean up and dishes. So much less pressure and as long as we both stick to it then everyone is happy.


You could have a point about doing something I wasn't planning/doing , my GF doesn't even know it's an issue as I internalise my anger ( probably not a great thing to do but it's the way I've always dealt with my problems )


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SaveFerris
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23 Feb 2017, 4:04 pm

BTDT wrote:
A lot of couples have issues dividing up household chores.


I've got no problem doing chores but am very forgetful ( never remember which day is bin day )


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liveandrew
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23 Feb 2017, 4:25 pm

I do all the cooking at home (tonight it was tagliatelle with a king-prawn, tomato and chiili sauce with rocket and Grana Padano), but back when we shared doing it we always left each other to it. Would I get upset in your position? I don't know, as I really enjoy cooking and would be more than happy to take over (it's my quiet time and everyone knows to leave me alone). It does seem a little dishonest though.


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the_phoenix
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23 Feb 2017, 6:26 pm

I'm single.
If I don't cook,
I don't eat.
Good thing I enjoy cooking ... 8)



SaveFerris
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23 Feb 2017, 6:40 pm

the_phoenix wrote:
I'm single.
If I don't cook,
I don't eat.
Good thing I enjoy cooking ... 8)


My diet was awful when I was single - tea & biscuits


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the_phoenix
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23 Feb 2017, 6:50 pm

SaveFerris wrote:
the_phoenix wrote:
I'm single.
If I don't cook,
I don't eat.
Good thing I enjoy cooking ... 8)


My diet was awful when I was single - tea & biscuits


Okay, well, I admit to cooking porridge tonight,
which I'm having with butter, lingonberry jam,
a hard-boiled egg from my friend's farm,
and Yorkshire Gold tea with organic honey and coconut milk.

Well, I like it. :D



kraftiekortie
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23 Feb 2017, 7:18 pm

Sounds nice and light to me.....



nurseangela
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23 Feb 2017, 7:33 pm

It sounds like she is giving you step by step instructions. I would just come out and ask her one night - what shall we have for dinner? How about.....

Then whatever you two agree on, tell her you'll make it and it will be ready about.....

That way she shouldn't be telling you step by step instructions. THEN, on another night, say I'm feeling a bit tired. Can you make dinner tonight and I'll do it another night this week?

Kind of mix things up and make it known you will cook on your own something that you both have agreed upon. Maybe one night surprise her with a yummy recipe she has never had! :mrgreen:


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SaveFerris
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23 Feb 2017, 7:37 pm

the_phoenix wrote:
cooking porridge ?


That sounds like far too much hard work for me , I have oats-so-simple , empty sachet in bowl , pour milk in sachet then into bowl , microwave for 2 mins


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SaveFerris
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23 Feb 2017, 7:39 pm

liveandrew wrote:
tonight it was tagliatelle with a king-prawn, tomato and chiili sauce with rocket and Grana Padano


Alright Jamie Oliver , stop showing off :P


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SaveFerris
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23 Feb 2017, 7:48 pm

nurseangela wrote:
It sounds like she is giving you step by step instructions. I would just come out and ask her one night - what shall we have for dinner? How about.....

Then whatever you two agree on, tell her you'll make it and it will be ready about.....

That way she shouldn't be telling you step by step instructions. THEN, on another night, say I'm feeling a bit tired. Can you make dinner tonight and I'll do it another night this week?

Kind of mix things up and make it known you will cook on your own something that you both have agreed upon. Maybe one night surprise her with a yummy recipe she has never had! :mrgreen:


The problem is , if I'm doing something ( posting here , watching TV etc ) , food doesn't even come into my concious , if she goes out I forget to eat ( or it's not a priority ). I am a bit crap in the kitchen and have to read the instructions on every packet before I can cook it ( now matter how many times I've done it ).


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the_phoenix
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23 Feb 2017, 7:49 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Sounds nice and light to me.....


It was, thank you ...
amazing how you can take something simple
and with just an extra small touch or two
turn it into something special.



nurseangela
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23 Feb 2017, 7:52 pm

SaveFerris wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
It sounds like she is giving you step by step instructions. I would just come out and ask her one night - what shall we have for dinner? How about.....

Then whatever you two agree on, tell her you'll make it and it will be ready about.....

That way she shouldn't be telling you step by step instructions. THEN, on another night, say I'm feeling a bit tired. Can you make dinner tonight and I'll do it another night this week?

Kind of mix things up and make it known you will cook on your own something that you both have agreed upon. Maybe one night surprise her with a yummy recipe she has never had! :mrgreen:


The problem is , if I'm doing something ( posting here , watching TV etc ) , food doesn't even come into my concious , if she goes out I forget to eat ( or it's not a priority ). I am a bit crap in the kitchen and have to read the instructions on every packet before I can cook it ( now matter how many times I've done it ).


I wouldn't get down on yourself for that last part - that's just called "reading a recipe" and I have to follow recipes by the book. For the food not coming into your mind part - just set an alarm of some kind (like on your cell phone) to remind you. You can plan which recipe you want to do and have the ingredients a few days before. I tell you, if you come up with your own surprise meal, she will be totally turned on!


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Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.